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A much needed rant :(

Lilicatt's picture

Submitted by Lilicatt on Wed, 07/02/2014 - 8:26am

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Blended Family Issues

New member here! I felt really comforted reading some of the posts in blended family issues and am glad I'm not alone. So here's my story/rant.

I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half now. It's been kind of a whirlwind relationship with lots of ups and downs. Mostly ups though. Along with him comes his 8 year old son. HE DRIVES ME CRAZY!!!! A little about this boy. He is a whiney, ungrateful, spoiled, thick headed child along with other issues. He is regressing in toilet training, he's 8?! He has also gotten into the habit of lying to his mom and dad about school work and school. Dad doesn't discipline him like he should, mom is a lazy deadbeat, she at least tries to dicipline him but neither one of them can stick to it. Dad's idea of discipline is yelling at him almost as if to scare him. The boy has absolutely no structure in his life, dad lets him eat whenever, how much he wants, at all kinds of times, what happened to snack time??? He doesn't set boundaries for him or any kinda of rules. Honestly I believe he's a terrible father.... But I love him.

I just can't accept this child in my life though, nor do I want to. I cannot feel anything but anger and resentment towards this kid. And I feel bad about it, but we can't like everyone right...? Even if it's a child? I get so moody and angry when he is around and distance myself from them, I guess I'm disengaging. The worst part is I'm 3 months pregnant. I'm already worried about the impact the unruly child will have on mine and the parenting skills of my boyfriend. I don't want my baby to grow up the same way. I have my firm beliefs on how I want to raise my baby, I'm afraid my boyfriend won't feel the same way. He is definitely the carefree "fun" parent. What am I to do? I know most of you will say I should leave this situation and that Itd be for the best. But I don't want my child to have a broken family right from the beginning. I just don't know how I can control my hatred towards his son though....

Think that's about it, feeling hopeless.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Wed, 07/02/2014 - 9:06am

Why are you having a child with a man you know is an awful father?

He's not going to be a POS parent to one kid and super dad to the other.

Orange County Ca's picture

Submitted by Orange County Ca on Wed, 07/02/2014 - 9:27am

Is an abortion legal at 3 months, right on the edge I guess?

If you can't bring yourself to do that (most women regret the decision even decades later) then you've got to stick it out. As one suggested above it may be better to become single now and have your kid growing up with no father in the home. If that happens I urge you to not remarry or shack up - it really screws up kids.

Or you can completely disengage from the kid - read the link below. Any complaint your child has about why the older boys is being raised differently can be explained by the 9 year age difference. "He's older than you". The kid is probably regressing because of the effects of the divorce, its not uncommon.

http://steptogether.org/disengaging.html

Unfreakingreal's picture

Submitted by Unfreakingreal on Wed, 07/02/2014 - 9:38am

I think 3 months is the latest I would wait for an abortion anything later than that would be a bad idea. I'd say, get out and raise your baby on your own if you decide to keep it.

mylife10's picture

Submitted by mylife10 on Wed, 07/02/2014 - 10:05am

My heart just breaks for you! I would love to tell you to Run!!!! But I do know you are pregnant with his child and don't want to bring him/her up in a broken family.. But please don't be fooled. Not for one moment will he be any better with this child. If his lack of parenting is going on now, then his lack of parenting will continue. I am honestly thrilled I have not gotten pregnant from my BF(fiancé) in all of the 3+ years I have been with him and his miserable kids. Maybe counseling might be an option for you both as a couple, so that you can get your parenting concerns out to him in a controlled environment. Honest to god , my heart breaks for you. As far as you SS, don't feel like you are a bad person. You cant like everyone , is correct. I swear it was like reading something I have written, I feel exact same way you feel. I avoid my BF's kids, I disconnect, I detach, and honest, it has only empowered my SK's MORE! They think they rule my roost. And they have their daddy right where they want him, AWAY from me, and only with them! Maybe this is not the case in your situation, but as my own personal experience being distance and acting like a ghost when he is around literally makes you invisible. I am living proof! I nearly don't exist in my house hold except as an irritant it seems like.
I wish you the best of luck with everything! Hugs!

Lilicatt's picture

Submitted by Lilicatt on Wed, 07/02/2014 - 10:34am

Thanks for the opinions so far. Ultimately I know what I have to do. But I wanted to at least give this a chance before I make the decision of leaving, I want to say I've at least tried. And I know that my expectations of him being a good parent to my child are high, but our relationship is very different from his and his ex, their relationship was just very toxic and there wasn't much love there. They were both young and stupid, he can't keep using that excuse forever though and I'm trying to make him realize it. I've helped him change a lot in the time we've been together and I've explained to him what I expect from him as a parent, and what I want.

Abortion... just isn't an option for me. I wasn't expecting this baby, I wasn't even sure if I'd be able to have kids from what I was told by doctors. But I have no right to take it's life either cause of my mistakes. I'm not scared to raise it alone. I'm financially well off and I have tons of support. It just makes me sad to think that one day my baby will ask where his or her father is.