DH "doesn't want to get in the middle of it"

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Please, I need some help replying to the asinine comment above. All week he has given her nothing but positive attention and solidified her position as his mini-wife but believes he isn't in the middle of it. It's feeling pretty hopeless.

By not being in the middle of

By not being in the middle of it says to me, "SK is not really doing anyting wrong". My DH doesn't want to be in the middle of it either and frequently visits/talks to SD in the nicest tone you ever heard. Calls her sweetie and Love you and is SOOO nice to her, all the while she is beating me down behind my back. DH thinks I need to sort it out with her, bull. There is no sorting it out without DH's unconditional support. Some other posters here will be able to better communicate what I just said - they have truly been wonderful and helpful to me. Take care.

I find this such a typically

I find this such a typically annoying comment because it implies he is a helpless male between two cat-fighting females, as if you were two equal rivals for his lordship. It completely fails to recognise what "it" is and the fact that HE started "it" not the two females. I would try saying, "No you are already in the middle of it but you need to help get it off me because I am nothing to do with it". Does this make sense or have I got lost in pronouns?

My SO made comments like

My SO made comments like that... I told him, you are right, you don't need to be caught in the middle of anything; therefore, I am taking myself out of the line of fire. I am not committing to you or moving forward with you until this situation is resolved. You are not caught in the middle of anything. You have raised a daughter to interact with you at the level of a partner (she's 29 btw)and I got caught up in it just because I fell in love with you. I didn't create this situation, I have not been ugly to her, I have not done anything to deserve her attitude toward me, and I have not been the one making you choose between us..... you need to get the relationship between you and your daughter in the right place as a father/ daughter relationship, and it's your job as her father to teach her that. Until you restore your relationship to an appropriate father/ daughter level of interaction, you cannot have a real relationship with anyone. And, you have needs for real intimacy, not just companionship, you need a lover.... she can never fill those needs you have, and she'll never be able to have a real relationship with a man of her own (yes, she's 29 and never had a relationship) as long as she's trying to fill that role for you. You don't need to be caught in the middle- you need to lead both you and her out of this situation. This is not my problem to solve and I'm not attempting to solve it. You may find a woman willing to deal with it, and if that's what you're looking for, I'm not the woman for you.

Of course, we aren't married. If I was married before I realized the situation, I don't know what I would do. Because I gave him that message, and really followed through. And he says he's addressing it, but it's not been enough time for me to know how it's turned out yet. But he knows I'm not unhappy being single, and I don't NEED a man.... I want to be with him, but not if it's an unhealthy emotional situation.

Oh yes, i am so relating to

Oh yes, i am so relating to that...Caught in the middle only because SO wont stand up to SD and say "no, thats not acceptable". She expects him to drop everything & be where she wants him to be, acting like she thinks he should. because when he was single/guilty whatever, he did stuff for an easy life for/with her, & now he has someone else to consider-me-if she doesnt get her own way, its all my fault, tantrum, drama etc etc.. She puts demands on SO & im expceted to step aside/not complain and be the "undestanding" one...
Why are they so scared of standing up to their daughters?. The brats will still love them & be their daughters, i dont get it, whats making them bend over backwards for the spoilt princess's???.

I know with my SO it goes

I know with my SO it goes back to when his daughter was a baby.... BM tried to hide the pregnancy from him, then did everything she could to prevent him having contact with her. So, when she was a little girl, she and her mother were a package....

he had to "jump through hoops" for BM in order to see his child..... so that became his habit. And as she got older, he never adjusted his habits or his thinking...... so has continued to do things with daughter and her mom.

When his daughter wanted to have a birthday dinner on his birthday with just him and her and her mother, I said to him, "You do realize that daughter and her mother don't have to be a package deal. You can have a birthday dinner with just your daughter. I'm wondering why she would want to invite her mother, when you have told me so many times you dread contact with her." He just said that's how they've always done it for daughter.

It's so messed up.

Deep down they understand

Deep down they understand they are not really loved and are scared that the beloved will walk out on them if not bribed to remain. They project this onto us - seeking a domino effect. I can see the pull -- it's one thing being rejected by an adult partner when you can find others, another being rejected by your own offspring.

I agree Poodle, they can

I agree Poodle, they can replace us but not the Princess, so dont want to upset the lickle girls...however cant they see how weak & pathetic it makes them look when they are so enthrall to the spoilt brats...i think deep down they know they are to blame, and then feel guilty that they've got such devil spawn as offspring...ooh i lurve this forum