I'm starting to feel bad for my DH. He and SD used to be close (in a healthy way, not mini-wife way). Then when I came into the picture she started with the mini-wife crap, which to my husband's credit, he put a stop to. I was always nice to her and didn't try to force a relationship, but I didn't push her away either. I didn't dish out discipline, just stayed open to her so a relationship could develop if that's what she wanted. SD and I eventually got to a place where we got on quite well, but her behaviour and attitude towards me drastically changed shortly after she turned 5. Following months of drama, SD and I came to an understanding that she doesn't have to love me, or even like me. She just has to respect and follow the rules. That worked for a while but her rule breaking, attitude and behaviour, especially over the last 2 years has been horrendous; even DH is fed up with her.

In the last year, she has become extremely sullen on top of everything else, and seems to flit between treating her father and I with contempt, or insincerely laying the loving daughter act on with a trowel (presumably to rub my son and I's noses in it). There's no middle ground at all. She, by her own choice has reduced visitation, and will only come over if she will get gifts/day trips etc, she has nothing better to do at her Mum's, or she gets to see her older half brother who is like a God to her. And when she is here, she is as described above. It's like she's just putting in her time with her father, and doesn't seem to be that bothered to see him at all. When she's here, she isolates herself and spends as little time as possible with us all and barely speaks to us (then bitches that we exclude her). When she does decide she wants attention, she plays the helpless child act to get you to do stuff for her a child her age is easily capable of. She will trash her room, make a mess at the dinner table, pretend not to be able to dress herself or turn the taps on to wash her hands, etc just to piss us off. She goes back to BM's as early as possible. I've even tried going out with my son so she gets 1:1 time with DH, but that didn't work. She now just only seems to value her father by what she can get from him. She resents my son while pretending to love him, and even DH is starting to see through that act.

I could go on for much longer, but I've blurted enough out already. I just don't know what to do. I hate seeing my husband hurting, watching his daughter slowly turn into his ex wife as she grows up. I hate seeing him virtually never seeing her by her own choice, and when it is, it's for monetary gain. We've always seen a lot of BM in SD personality-wise, but until recently it seemed fairly diluted with traits from DH, and we were (up to a point) able to teach her basic household manners. Now there seems to be nothing of her father at all, not even common interests or shared sense of humour that would connect them more than just familial love. More and more, my anger and hatred for SD is changing to sympathy for DH. It's also killing him that he has 2 children who aren't interested in knowing their little brother; his eldest son also shows no interest in our son. The relationship between him and his daughter is slowly dwindling to nothing, and he's done nothing wrong.