Thanks everyone, your words mean a lot to me.

I should not have referred to them as kids, bc I am always telling my bf they are adults. His mom says they are immature, so they are more like kids, but really, now.....

I could tell you more stories that would make your skin crawl.

I guess I know it won't get better, and him having 3 is so hard bc there is always a problem.

I don't know how the hell I am going to leave him. I will survive, but I am afraid they would really destroy him. And I will miss him so much. I would not have made it through school without his emotional support, and he is just a good man. But, I need peace in my life, and that is not what I have now.

Hi,

Thanks again, everyone. The Askids do not live with us, but the daughter is intent on moving in. She came banging at our door a couple of weeks ago. We moved in a couple of months ago, and our next door neighbors are not going to appreciate this kind of stuff. She had all her bags, and he sent her on the way, which was a HUGE step for him. However, she is constantly texting and emailing about coming here. Stops by unannounced. If the sons drove, they would probably do he same thing. He has told her repeatedly not to do that, and she ignores him. He won't turn the phone off because he says if there was ever an emergency and he didnt know it, he would never forgive himself.

When we first met, the Askids were not around much. As soon as they started realizing we were serious, they became intent on causing problems. They are very big on money, and I think they think I am taking "their money." My bf is nowhere near rich, we are working middle class. That is why I made him agree that they would never move in here, and so far he has stuck to that. The problem is, he does not explain to them why they can't come here, or why the son cant have a minor here, etc. etc. He is trying to not enable, but until he explains, they wont stop. He got nothing for Father's Day, not one call, but daughter texted again last night because she is afraid of the neighbors where she is living. Lies-she keeps getting kicked out of where she lives bc she is lazy and rude. I told him to tell her that she needs to change her behaviors and start a life, and he just doesnt do it. He is very very mild-mannered, and I think he blames himself for their attitudes, and he does hold some of that blame. He allowed his ex to wreak havoc for far too long.

I am willing to try counseling, but I am not sure if he would go.

I also wish his mom would stop making him feel guilty. I dont think she means to, but she lets one of her kids walk all over her, so maybe that is why she believes that he should too. She has hinted that I dont understand bc I am not a parent, and that is hurtful. I have talked to parents who think my bf needs to wake up. I think most normal people, parents or not, would be appalled by the behavior of the Askids.

Thanks again for the advice and thoughts!

My bf has hinted at marriage and I have told him that is not a consideration now due to his adult children. I think you hit the nail on the head, AVR1962....change is not a comfortable thing for my bf. He is used to these behaviors and thinks that they are not shocking. He is learning to stop enabling but he has no clue how to explain to them why their words and actions are wrong. They are grown but I think they are living in a bubble. One thing that scares me is that they do not think that rules apply to them. They have no concept that the world doesnt revolve around them. His daughter's bf's mom convinced him to move across the country because she bullied the guy, but the daughter says they will be together. Many people have said to her that the relationship is over, and she says it is not, that they will be together. In his defense, my bf tried talking to her and she said I will do what I want and get what I want. I have no doubt all 3 will raise their own children in the same manner. It is sick. My bf said when he tried to enforce rules as they were growing up, they mocked and laughed at him. The sons do that now, so I guess that did happen. But all these years have probably resulted in my bf being immune. I have seen him get mad, which is still very mild, because he never yells. There is NO bond other than the money has brought to their lives.

Done With It, You are so right. I think my problem is that there was not a lot of contact with any of the 3 until we moved in. It was really just us and we get along GREAT!!!!! I really didnt know the ASkids. I was super busy with school, and my bf works a lot. The daughter maybe emailed my bf twice in a year to whine, the boys only called when they wanted something. The one son lived with him for a very short while and left bc my boyfriend was literally running out of money and stopped getting him things. After that, the boys only saw him occasionally and then when he wasnt giving them as much money, they got mad and sent that awful picture. 2 months ago, we moved in and the daughter was suddenly showing up every day. Sneering at me, and hinting for all kinds of things. I knew right away she wanted to move in. The older son has now been texting and emailing a lot. I truly think the youngest meant what he said when he wrote that he wont speak to my bf until I am gone. It will only get worse, I know, bc I can see that the Askids won't stop.