They seem to be happy (or at least ok) with how things are. Don't get involved. Just don't. Many people here did and are regretting it.

If she really wants things to change between her and her dad, she'll reach out to him. It may not be for a long, long time, but she will reach out to him when she feels ready if she truly wants change. You need to stay out of this.

I have 4 brothers and sisters. My parents passed away years ago but I have oodles of extended family, and I can tell you that if I want to talk to any of them, I pick up the phone and call. I'll never understand why people deny themselves relationships with people they love because "they didn't call me first".

I understand how SHE feels more than I do him. Sounds like she had a hard relationship with her father growing up, and doesn't feel that she owes him the regular contact. Even as an adult, she gets left out of family reunions? I bet she feels snubbed, and I can't say that I blame her.

At the end of the day, it's their problem. They're both adults, and if they have any interest in building/fixing their relationship, it's on them to put in the work.

Your husband is an ass. This is the type of adult stepdaughter we all wish we could have. If he won't reach out, why don't you? Lunch once in awhile....Geez, people are so stupid. Family is all you have when times get tough....Friends desert you. He should be ashamed of himself. Honestly, she is fair in cutting him off...

From what I see is that you are reaching out because you care and you think she is a good person. I personally think its your fiancé that needs to reach out to his daughter! Adult or not, she obviously turned out good but he was not kind to her growing up and I think HE needs to get together with her and apologize for all those times. HE needs to reach out to her. I know she is an adult BUT I am too, I am 36 and I love when my Dad sends me a text or when I call and ask for Mom, and he says what about Dad. She probably feels like he doesn't want her around. He needs to own up to the way he treated her. He also needs to be extremely thankful that she turned out the way she did. A college degree! A career focused individual...she could have turned out much worse trust me....My SD19 is a self absorbed entitle feeling little druggie brat! He is lucky to have a daughter like that. That is my opinion though. Its nice to see you care though. I was that caring person too, although it can nip you in the butt...it did that to me with SD19...from age7 to age15 her and I were really close and now there is nothing between us due to the decisions she has made.

My father and I were estranged and I wouldn't say our relationship is completely repaired --- but I had reached out and he wouldn't bite and then he did reach out only to attack me on how I was living. This was hell I would still send cards even mad and get no response - until a couple of weeks ago he got put in the hospital and though he was going to die and that is when our most recent talk was and it felt awful that he reached out to me in such a state. I would encourage your boyfriend to reach out to his daughter he may be annoyed she is communicating but all it takes is that first little branch -- it is worth it. However as SM I would not personally get involved just encourage and support your boyfriend.

First, a small suggestion - you may want to post on the "Adult Stepkids" forum section on this site. Many more folks on there who have experience with adult skids.

I agree that you can't intervene in this so-called parent/child relationship. Other than to be a sounding board for your fiance and perhaps drive the conversation to how he felt when his Dad never called him. Not to get all psychological about this, but he may be channeling some of his own childhood disappointment and is using his own daughter as a whipping post for the hurt he once felt by his own dad ignoring him. He figures he had to go without, so why not make her do the same.

Sometimes the best thing we can do is hold up a virtual mirror for our loved ones so they can see themselves and their actions. Maybe if he sees it that way, he will feel more comfortable about reaching out to her.

On the other hand, there may or may not be other factors at play. Is the BM involved with the skids? Could there be some passive aggressive stuff coming from her? I know that has happened in my SO's situation - his ex was a master at convincing the skids that they really didn't need their Dad. He has tried to maintain an open line of communication, but it hasn't worked out well. SS is completely cut off from him, and SD only responds when he texts her. She never, ever initiates. He has tried waiting for her to make the first move, and when he does it goes for months without any word from her. But ... I try to remind him that they spent years getting the message from their mom that he was dispensable. It will take a long time (if ever) that they see the truth.

How do you accidentally forget to invite your daughter to the family reunion. He was by his own admission horrible to her and when not working took off on hunting trips when she was growing up. He spends more time with her make cousins and their spouses than he does with her, and to add insult to injury, he won't call her because his father never called him. If he has the regret you say he has, he would have made a point of inviting her to the family reunion, he'd make a point of spending time with her, and he'd pick up a phone and call her no matter what his father did. If he really wanted a relationship with her, he'd get off his butt and MAKE IT HAPPEN, he's put that girl through hell, now he is reaping what he sowed. I honestly don't blame her to be honest.

But be warned if you involve yourself in this you will be bringing a very hurt, clearly resentful and angry young woman into your lives, I would leave this well alone if I were you. Say nothing to your fiancée about this. If he wants a relationship with his daughter, he's a big boy, let him work it out, because until he sees FOR HIMSELF what he did and is doing wrong, he will never change. Seriously, he doesn't see anything wrong with picking up a phone to call his nephews, but is too arrogant to call his daughters. The way he treated that girl growing up. He should have been on his knees thanking God everyday that she was in his life at all, even if it was just a monthly phone call. Instead he puts all the work of having a relationship on her. I'm stunned she was "accidentally" left out of the family reunion. I can see why she would decide enough is enough after that. There is no excuse on earth for not inviting that girl to the family reunion, and to say it was an accident is even more insulting and hurtful to her.

I think you should respect her feelings on this. He has put her through enough. Nothing's changed, he's still putting his hunting and his hunting buddies ahead of her, so she's finally had enough.

How many of his hunting buddy nephews were accidentally not invited to the reunion.

I'm the mom in a similar situation between my daughter (specifically, although it also involves my son to an extent) and her Dad. It is difficult.

MarieJeannie, that's absolutely right. He is passive aggressive and enjoying playing the victim here. He gets to be the poor neglected repentant dad, she gets to be the cold hearted unforgiving daughter. He just gets to say I admit I treated her badly growing up, and that's it. Now she's supposed to just move past it. He doesn't have to even pick up a phone, after all his dad never called him. It was hs place to make damn sure his daughter was invited to that family reunion, not anyone else's, HIS. doesn't matter who organised it, who sent the invitations, HE NEEDED TO PICK UP THE PHONE AND MAKE SURE HIMSELF THAT SHE KNEW ABOUT IT AND WAS INVITED.

Nothing has changed for this girl. He's still being mean, nasty and horrible to her. He is expecting to be treated with respect by her because his sperm made her not because he was a father to her.

Wow...how lucky for you! I wish my DH's daughter would leave him alone.

You said her being left out of the reunion was an accident. Now your saying you just assumed she'd wouldn't be there? So how does that explain your earlier comment, her not being invited was an accident. It sounds like you and your dh assumed she wouldn't be there as she didn't show up to other family events, so you deliberately didn't invite her. If you or your dh were serious about re establishing a relationship with her. She would have been invited.

it doesn't seem he's changed so much over the years after all. I know as a woman I strive to make my dh a better person every day, and I have. but, there are some things we cannot change. if you want to devote a lot of time and energy into this, by all means go ahead, but don't expect miracles. and realize it will be left to YOU to carry on with the relationship. if you have a hole in your life that needs filled, this would be a very good thing to be involved in. she sounds like a woman we would all love to have as a daughter. you married a man who wasn't cut out to be a father (of girls anyway). either accept it, or take it over. but if you do decide to involve yourself, you cannot forget about her again.