Step daughter ughh
Hi I'm a stepmom of 2 (She's 10 and 12) & have been around the last 7 years. We have no kids of our own yet but do talk about the near future.
The last 4 years with the younger one (they are both girls) has been pretty brutal w behavior. Bm finally realized something wasn't right and a year ago took her to the doctor. She was diagnosed with ocd, odd, and anxiety. She is on a low dose anti depressant which from what I've heard she forgets all the time. We all work alot except the stepdad who is disabled and pretty much does all the work.
Anyway, over the summer was great. She was always pleasant and happy...until the last month or so she's been going back to talking back and being so disrespectful.
We take away electronics tv and punish (mom for the most part does the same). But now this weekend she was just nasty to me and disrespectful-my newest solution is to get dad to deal with it. She completely ignores me and puts her head down she slammed my car door when we dropped her off and skipped off. The way she acts makes me think she's just mentally flipping me off. She doesn't have any issues in school with behavior. I just feel so hurt by her mean behavior and her mom is now defending her saying it's her anxiety and jealousy with her sister. I still don't see how it's ok to treat your step mom so poorly. Her mom says she does it to her too. How is that ok? I decided I'm going to pick up some extra shifts at work so I don't have to keep dealing with this brat when she comes over. But then I keep thinking, why do I have to hide out from my own house? My husband defends me and trys to get through to her but a lot of times it's hopeless. She was in counseling last year and her mom keeps saying she's going to go back but never has. I feel like I'm the target of her bad behavior alot and I use to get mad and yell, but now I am calm and just go get her father. It's actually hurts my feelings alot because I do care about her. For the most part her mom has had our backs as a parenting team but seems like she isn't this time and I can't figure out why. Im so pissed i really dont even want her over. This has been going on for 4 years of being so disrespected!!
I'm sorry you're having to
I'm sorry you're having to deal with all this fall-out from other people's mishandling of this girl. I was going to ask if she has problems at school but you've already ticked that off the list. My only advice is to have as little to do with her as possible (but why should you be excluded from your own home?) and set clear rules for how she respects your personal space when you are there. She's only 10 but these days puberty may already be kicking in, in which case I can't offer any solutions except stick around here, there will be lots of people who have!
I use to pick them both up
I use to pick them both up from school Fridays but I decided I'm no longer going to and my husband is going to go back to doing it. I offered to make it easier for bm and stepdad but now that she's back to being aweful to me and has zero consequences I'm not switching my schedule AND leaving work early to get them-no way!
It's literally been 4 years on and off and I'm just mentally drained. I know it sounds crazy, but is it possible to just no longer love your stepchild? I mean I've been around since she was 3 but all these incidents of saying such horrible things and ignoring me has literally made me not even care if I'm around her. I keep telling myself she's only 10 but I know she knows right and wrong! One time last year about the same time of year her counselor told her it was ok to take a break from dad's house. She knew she was going to be punished for bad behavior so was able to get out of coming here. I'm pretty sure she's gonna skip dad's house again. My husband is so sensitive when it comes to her, he literally cries when she ignores him. I wish he could be stronger for our sake. I think I dealt with the crap for so long because I didn't want to hurt their relationship-but now I'm at the point where I can't take it anymore and I deserve respect. I'm working 90 hours this week. I work a lot to provide for our home and to benefit the kids when they come over. I've spend alottt of my own earnings on them. Idk where this rant is even going but basically I'm done w the bs.
My first bit of advice then
My first bit of advice then would be to stop giving her any of your hard earned money- start spending it on yourself or put it into your escape plan account- we've all been there!
Your SD probably doesn't want to stay at dad's house because she's cottoned on he's not much of a dad- I mean, he cries in front of her?? What?? Sounds like he needs the counselling, matey! I'm sorry but my experience is he will never be stronger- this is how it is going to be, probably forever.
I tried for 7 years to support DH with his defective children, and I disengaged when I ceased to get any respect from them, him or his grandchildren. I started to respect myself again instead and he is still lying down so they can use him as the family rug- but I lie down for no one anymore.
Rant away- it will help you see more clearly where you want to be when all the bs has dissipated.
I totally understand. I'm at
I totally understand. I'm at my wits end with dealing with all of this. He says if she can't respect me he's fine w her not coming over til she does. I feel like he finally has my back but I guess we shall see.
4 years of eating crap - HOn
4 years of eating crap - HOn it's time for you to disengage from this girl and let DH do all the parenting, laundry cooking what ever.
You simply remain polite and greet friendly, but that's where it ends.
Then do not give her control over the house, it's your house, have some boundaries for yourself, if she disrespects you make it clear to her you will not tolerate it and tell DH, deal with this, I will not be treated like this in my house, if she can't behave she can't come over anymore..
be stern and firm.... do not give in, and no you will not hurt her feefees, just show her who's the boss...
If your husband has anything to say about it, smile and tell him, you are the parent Hon, not me... it's your job to enforce rules and consequences it's not your job to be her friend and spineless....look at so many people being disabled in life and not using any excuses, why should SD get away with learning disability excuses or behavior problems? Cause you allow it... google some examples of brilliant people making it in the world, if I'm not mistaken Elon Mask is a good example.... (although he acts like a brat some times lol)
Her alphabet diagnosis is not a card for acting like a brat..
Yes this is actually what I
Yes this is actually what I have been doing actually. I make husband do it all. I use to help alot until she has been terrible to me again. This new incident happened the other day at a home inspection. I really thought they would be excited to see the house we may buy but no the younger one was terrible-and I got left alone w her so my husband could walk the house with the inspectors. I'm just rlsurrendering. I'm not letting this continue. It's been 4 years on and off and I've just had enough of this kid making me feel like complete dirt. She kept making fun of the house we are looking to buy! Like its not up to her standards..ugh I know she's 10 but seriously her behavior and words really get under my skin.
making fun about the house
}:) making fun about the house you want to buy....
why not look her in the eye, fake smile and all, and say : Well seeing you do not like the house I guess you will not be coming over then?
That's nicely said, me I would've told her... well snot at least I have money to buy a house and I'm not like you sponging of daddy to have a place to sleep at night,
Lol I actually told her in a
Lol I actually told her in a calm nice way that even if your "being honest" you don't say things like that. I said "your hair is ratty and greasy most of the time I see you, but I don't say it out loud because that's mean and you just don't say it lol.
She's like "well sorry I'm just being honest" I said ya well I am too".