Hi again. I've posted a few times in the last few weeks.
I'm a stepmom of 2 girls ages 10 and 12. Their schedule has changed alot in the 7 years I've been around, but with my husband's new job, he gets them only every other weekend and not during the week anymore.
Anyway, besides the younger ones on and off behavior at our home, I feel I have a pretty good relationship w them. The younger one has had this on and off defiant behavior for the last 4 years. I remember how she would punch herself, just stand there and scream, or now a days it's just disrespect and trying to say things to get under my skin (which of course she knows works). She has no issues in school but since she's had issues at both mom and dad's her mom finally listened to us and brought her to a doctor. She's on a low dose med she forgets all the time and mom works so much she keeps saying she's gonna take her back to counseling but hasn't seen before the summer (and refuses to let my husband take them to any appointments). She was diagnosed with ocd, odd, and anxiety.
We all decided 3 years ago to make amends w her so it's been pretty good. No crazy bickering like it use to be so we avoid any situations that could cause drama.
Bm has had my back on several situations and follows through w punishments at her home like we would at ours.
2 weeks ago when we brought the kids over to the house we are buying so they could see the house and their new room, it was like that switch went back on w the younger one again. My husband was outside and walking w the inspector so I couldn't go get him like I usually do when she acts up. She was just aweful.
When we dropped her off my husband told her mom how naughty she was and this time mom says "I don't want to be in the middle" and all the sudden didn't want to have our backs.
My husband says he's gonna have a talk w his youngest fri, have her sit in her room w no electronics all weekend and make this disrespectful behavior stop towards me or she will stay in her room. Now she's not a dumb kid, I know she knows what's right and wrong and I truly think she Manipulates situations to get out of trouble.
After 4 years of being treated like crap, then her all lovey and sweet, then turns on me randomly, I just am mentally exhausted by it.
Some people on here gave me advice to just disengage and not give her any attention.
I decided that from now on I'm doing this and I told my husband I don't need an apology from her, I just need space and a long break he's gonna tell her.

Now my question is now....i get alot so wonderfully with the 12 year old. She's never been rude or disrespectful. I know if I don't notice the younger one and in a way favor the 12 year old, 10 year old is gonna be drama. Do i care ? No. But do I want to know what is the right thing to do? Yes. I have some errands to run all weekend this weekend. I know 12 year old loves to go on errands w me.