I have reached my limit, my stepdaughter thinks that she should not have any responsibilities such as cleaning her room or helping with the dishes she is 13years old This morning i asked her to help clean cause I had a friend coming over and she screamed at me saying she is fed up in this house I am also fed up with dealing with her and her father does nothing to help. His 7 year old son telsl me all sorsts of rude things and always enters my room without knocking, again his father would not do anything, i am fed up, help me please.

I have the same problem with my SD, 14. I make my husband take care of it. Either he gets her to do her chores or he has to do them for her. It has been a hassle, but it lessens my stress regarding whether the chores get done. About half of the time he does them for her, which drives me crazy because she is capable and then he is "too tired" to do things I need from him.

I also had the problem with not knocking when she was 8-12. It was a gradual process. She always just walked into our bedroom, and half the time I was naked. She told BM she was seeing me naked, and BM confronted husband, saying SD shouldn't see me naked. He said, "She wouldn't if she would knock." I have the right to be naked in my own bedroom (like after a shower when I am getting dressed, I'm not a nudist walking around all day with no clothes on). I finally said she had to knock ANY TIME she wanted to come in our room. At first she ignored me, but I made a point of mentioning it EVERY time and even making her go back and knock when she didn't. Now she will knock automatically when she knows I am in there (but not when my husband is because she knows he won't enforce it).

the boys both just opened the bathroom door while I was in there. ( thank GOD they saw nothing) I nipped that in the bud right then & there. It was funny but the olest acted like it wasn't a big deal & said he had seen BM naked before. I told him I was pretty sure he could go to his grave w/o ever seeing me naked. He thought that was pretty funny & we have NEVER had another issue. Once he knew I was uncomfortable with it we were good. I mean after having a baby & having my thyroid so screwed up that I am struggling to loose the weight I don't like to see me naked & DH is limited to what he gets to see as well.

My s/d either barges in or she'll pound obnoxiously on the door and then come prancing in saying "daddy" in the most annoying voice ever! She has caught my husband and I both naked! She also goes through and uses my things when I'm not home. When I asked her help clean she took my cute flip-flops from outside the back door and threw them in with my new puppy. Puppy ate them : ) My husband is naive. Everything she does is unintentional of course. Now I hide everything and put locks on everything.

DH's son lives with us FT and honestly believes it's his God given right to be waited on hand and foot. God forbid you ask him to do anything! Don't get me wrong, we do have a chores chart, he just pretends it isn't there. Just this eve, it was his night to do dishes. After he was "done," I went to the strainer to put away some pots and pans. FILTHY! I flipped but of course, according to DH, I'm the one who's being mean and having issues right now. Yes, I do have issues right now with MRSA going around as well as e-Coli, botulism, and a myriad of other bacteria rapidly breeding in a kitchen. WTH!?!?

DH's son has flat out admitted to DH that he doesn't want to do anything and feels he shouldn't have to but wants all of the perks that normally go along with helping out, i.e. allowance, eating out, small goodies. I have two words for the self-centered, self-serving, ignoramous: hell no!

DH's son has the same problem bubbles's s/d has with barging in to our bedroom. He thinks nothing of just walking in regardless of what DH and I are doing or discussing. Or else he'll just stand in the doorway beckoning DH. One morning as I was getting ready for work, I found him standing in my bedroom door. Since it was Indian summer and bloody hot, I was buck naked and he had just opened the door like it was his room. I told DH I wanted to put a strip of red duct tape outside of our door as a marker for any child that felt it was his place to be in our room. DH said no way, we aren't putting red tape on the floor. But he won't tell his son to stay out of our room either.

I don't know how much more I can take. Everyone said this would get better but I think it's only getting worse.

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

I feel that the only personal space I have is the bedroom and the kids keep coming in and if they have a marking they would draw eveywhere and I would have to spend hours cleaning it. I tried to tell my fiance that they have a huge couch and a huge TV and i really would love the bed to be just my only spot where I don't have food stains or kids coming in like it's their playroom. Am I just being selfish because my fiance said to me that there is no such thing as yours or mine and the bed is ours meaning the children's as well. I just want a clean place where I can relax and do my work on the laptop undisturb. I feel like I'm being selfish but am I?? Keep hanging in there if you love your man. I know it's rough and I cry quite often because I feel so alone and that my fiance just doesn't get how hard it is to be in my shoes.
Things will only get better if you are possitive about it and work with your husband about what's bothering you because communication is the best thing for a relationship. I'm working on mine and I feel that talking more makes him rethink about how hurtful it is to feel like an outsider and if he really loves me and wants me around he will have to work on it more.

I totally know how much pain it is, but if it gets so unbarable some days then take a drive somewhere so you can at least relax your mind. I feel like running away and start a relationship with someone else instead of dealing with kids that aren't mine all the time, but I feel that I can't give up and I would eventually be running all my life if I runaway from this mess.
Avalin

I know DH's son believes in his own personal space because as soon as he gets home, he locks himself in his room until his father gets home. He's so damn afraid someone, me, might actually tell him he has to do his chores for the day or his homework. Or gasp! Ask him to flush the toilet after he's urinated or put his cereal bowl in the DW.

I'm glad I read Anne's post! I never thought of locking the door from the outside while I'm not here! I think I'm going to Lowe's today to get one! Woo hoo!

I do hate being so negative and complaining so much. I'm a much happier person usually. I guess I'm having a hard time right now with some recent developments that my DH is either denying or just doesn't care to address. Anyhow, I've also tried talking to him about my feelings and we differ so much on how much child inclusion is necessary in our lives/marriage. I've tried getting him to my therapist but he doesn't want to go. I'm certain he doesn't want to hear things from a neutral third party who may actually tell him that something is wrong with his son and DH's parenting style.

Anyway, personal space! I'm all for it. Thanks to those of you with great advice! Keep it coming.

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

I am new here to the group and after reading the posts, I have a question (among many): Many of the complaints (and a lot of them are some doozies!) are from women who are not married to the father of these terrible acting kids. Why are you staying? If a man is not displaying loyalty with regards the kids, why put up with the drama? I know most will say that they love the man and that he is really great when the kids are not around, but that doesn't make much sense to me. How can a man be so wonderful and love you so much when it's just the two of you, but when his kids come around he treats you, on a continuous basis, like a second class citizen? I can even understand that he may have loyalty conflicts in the beginning, but some of you are even complaining that he even doesn't stand up for you when dealing with the ex! I am just not understanding.

My partner and I are having trouble with his 20 year old son, he keeps on going into our room when we are out and taking things from his dads drawers (like socks and underwear) this is because he cant be bothered to do his own laundry... In actual fact he cant be bothered to do very much as he knows I will get mad at the mess in the house and tidy up his trail of crap lying around everywhere.

His dad has said he will speak to him but he just tunes him out and doesnt respond. I feel like im figthing a losing battle and that I just want my partner and his lazy disrespectful son out of my house.

Id put a lock on the bedroom door but we are in a rental property and our landlord wont let us make any modifications to it, so he has frer reign whenever we are out.

SS also has the run of the house if we go away anywhere and has on several occasions left his gf in the house and gone out to college leaving nobody else in the house except for her. I feel this is also unacceptable and have told my partner... Who has then said he will speak to his son... But he STILL hasnt spoken to him about it...

Any advice would be good!

I have a 17 year old stepdaughter whose bio. mother died when she was 6. When she was 10, I married her dad. She has a younger sister who was 10 days old when their mother died of pregnancy complications. I have 2 kids of my own, one 14 and one 13. The 17 year old step I have overheard telling lies over and over to her friends on the phone about me. She claims I mistreat her, calls her life "the cinderella story" saying I make her do everything and let the other kids do what they want and that I always buy them stuff they want for their birthdays and christmas and she gets stuff "thrown" at her by me. THIS STUFF COULD NOT BE MORE UNTRUE!!! I have done EVERYTHING for this girl, her father is lazy and does nothing. I have given her wonderful birthday parties, bought her everything she wanted etc etc. The only thing I have really asked that she do as she turned 16 was get her drivers permit and get a part time job in the summer. Well, she refuses to get her license and purposely got fired from her job (she HATES working). She never does her chores at home (she feeds the pets one week out of the month and cant even do that). If reality was correct in her eyes...I WOULD BE THE CINDERELLA! I get no appreciation from her or her father. He doesn't believe she has said what she has. I am fed up. I am so close to just telling her, "Look, you have, for whatever reason, felt the need to create me as a STEPMONSTER. You and I both know that all these things you have told people are LIES. From this point forward, Do not ask me to do anything for you. I might as well make my life easier and be the person you tell everyone I am." Wonder how that would go over? The other option is just leaving. Although, I think that is what she wants. We were reading fortune cookies last night and she read hers, "Your life is about to change. You will soon lose someone close to you." I couldnt help but really honestly worry about her saying that. She made it up. The fortune was something completely different....I grabbed it and read it. Her dad just ignores this stuff! What do I do now???

Are you freakin kidding me??? she "read" that from a fortune cookie.. and when you read her REAL fortune it didnt match, and your dh wasn't even the bit curious as to WHY she would do it?

could you have a sit down w/your dh and tell him what is bothering you.. perhaps counseling.

We started counseling in Feb.. and so far.. I like it.. Probably because there is someone else telling my DH that what happens is NOT normal.. and not fair.. and that adults should believe OTHER adults and not the kids. LIKE.. when my sd9 told me over christmas that she doesnt like me and doesnt want to sit near me.. and my dh's response was... I wasnt there.. I didnt hear that. to which I responded.. WELL.. I WAS.. AND THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH!! go say something to the little witch before I TELL HER HOW I FEEL!

grrrr... Things like this make me angry...