WOULD YOU FEEL THIS WAY ABOUT CUPCAKES????
So as we all know I do not have a good relationship with BM actually it sucks, so the other day was my SS birthday and his BM made cupcakes to take to school however his school does not allow outside food in, and she knows that but she told my DH who cares what are they going to do if I just show up with the cupcakes, well SS was sick all week and did not go to school the only day BM offered to watch him was on his birthday, and when my DH picked him up he brought home 4 cupcakes and a bag of goodies for our foster daughter, well I was pissed 3 years of her tring to ruin our lives and know she is sending home cupcakes, I hated it, I do not want her cupcakes in my house, or for her to do anything for my foster daughter whom she tried to have taken from our house on 3 occasions. I have no idea why I get so mad but I do and I bitch at my poor DH who says what do you want me to do tell my 5 year old son that we can not bring the cupcakes home or tell BM that they cause a problem, well NO I do not want her to know any of this, I want her to think we are as happy as we are most of the time, I never want her to know she caused a fight between us. Then when my SS said his mommy was taking him to a chocolate factory I stared to cry, I wanted to be the first and my BH says I am sure BM wants to be the first at a lot of things but she can not because we have placement, it is just unfair she seems soooo great it is easy to be great when you do not have to set rules and only see your child 5 days out of the month, My SS was very excited when I told him we were going to the chocolate factory too this summer and that was enough for me, this stepmom stuff is hard, I know I am not his mom but is sucks that he is sick all week and she only offers to take his birthday off to see him, and my poor DH can not win because I would not have been happy if she did take the week off to see him, since we won my SS can finally sleep through the night and I believe it is because he has a routine and he knows where he is falling asleep every night and that is the most I can ask for is for him and my daughter to feel safe in our home, why is that not enough??? HELP!!!!
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If it's any consolation
(and I'm not sure it is):
Your SS is really young. Of course, he loves that his BM brings him to fun places and gives him cupcakes. Anyone who does that is great at that age -- that's why parents have to teach kids not to get into a car with someone who gives them candy.
But when he's older, he will see that it was you and DH that parented him, that gave their all for him. He will see eventually that BM might be his mother, but you're his mom.
It might take 15 years for this to happen, but it will. In the meantime, stay focused on making your family the happy place it usually is for your kids.
Hugs!!!!
BB
- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)
OK, not be be a master of the obvious, but its not the cupcakes.
What you are feeling is perfectly normal. BM is a manipulative low life and she is playing you. One thing you can do is to not discuss the cool stuff with SS before you do it. Obviously he told BM about the chocolate factory and she is scalping your bliss on this deal.
Though it will be difficult, probably the best way to deal and respond with the cupcakes (and future cupcake like gestures on BMs part) is to smile, give your SS a big hug and say "wow, isn't that nice" then put them in the freezer for a later date (wink, wink). The kid will forget about them and you will have not let BM play you.
We had a similar deal with SpermGrandMa one spring break when we sent the Skid on visitation with no coat. It was 80 degrees in Texas when he left so we did not even think about it. SHE sent him home in her pink 1970's ski jacket. My wife was mortified and so was SS. The coat got sent to Goodwill, we got the tax write off and SHE still asks about it every once in a while.
The key is to subtly play her rather than let her play you. Make it a sport and eventually she will pretty much crawl back in to her hole and stay there. If you do not broadcast what you are going to do with the SS and just do it then he will be talking incessantly about what RoseDeer did with him rather than what BM and he will do.
I know it is petty but, do it first and she gets the left overs at best.
Best regards,
I love the freezer idea!!! I
I love the freezer idea!!! I may be using that one myself
ANTS
LOL - Ants LOVE sweets. You woke up to ants all over the cupcakes. Who left them out? They should have been placed in the fridge. LMBO. We will have to make/buy some more.
Anyone can take the easy way out and blame others. BUT it takes a a person of character to take a look at one's self and actions and own responsibility for their part. ~ ME ~ }:-P
I know I can get rid of them
I know I can get rid of them and I did, I threw them away, and I agree it is not about the cupcakes I just want to stop feeling this way about her and live my life and it is a great one. How do I do that????? Thank you all sooooo much!!!!
Play her constantly so she can't play you.
The key IMHO is subtlety. Don't discuss what you are going to do with your SS so he can't spill the beans to BM and she can do it with him first. Just do it, then SS will be telling her about the cool stuff you did VS the cool stuff you are going to do. Do it first before she can do it.
Once you take the proactive lead she will not scalp your ideas. It does not sound as if she has much of an imagination as far as things to do with her son so she will play catch up for a while until she gets tired of being second then she will pretty much just go away other than to spend some occassional time with your SS.
It has worked for us. The down side is that my SS has to hear incessantly while he is on visitation how it is not fair that they cannot afford to do the cool things with the younger three half sibs that my SS gets to do with his Mom and I.
But, that is not my problem, my wife's problem or my Skids problem. (other than to put up with their whining).
The one time we discussed doing something cool with my SS that they could make happen they did it. We were talking about Disney in Orlando FL. When he told them that we were going to DisneyWorld they loaded up everyone in a van and drove from OR down to DisneyLand in CA. So, now we don't discuss the specifics of the summer with our SS just that we are making travel plans. Unless it is something they could not possibly make happen like a trip to HI, Europe, Africa or Asia.
It is much easier to lead on this issue than it is to follow or try to constantly play catch up. So get ahead of her and make her react to you rather than the other way around.
You may find this idea helps. And remember, loose lips sink ships so Shhhhhhhhh! }:)
Best regards,
Okay so I will not talk
Okay so I will not talk about anything with SS but how do I get over wanting to one up her how do I get over thinking of her everyday, it is like an obsession and I want it to stop without any medical assistance, I am a smart educated women I do not know why I let her get any over on me and she does, is it becauase she is the mom?
no it's because she's way more evil than u
We're normal people and so many of these bm's are completely dysfunctional. Its hard to figure how to 'get over' someone or cause them emotional harm when you're busy working, raising some else's kid and having a life. Many of these crazy bm's have no life and live to torment us because they're small, petty and evil.
Let your skid eat the cupcakes and make the others disappear to the freezer.lol That way ss can enjoy his mom's attentions and you can rest easy that you're not letting her get one over on you.
Good luck. Hugs, LT