Does anyone think its strange...
that my FH is still paying for his EX step daughter who is 20 years old cell phone bill...He tells me that she pays it...Well i get the bank statements and he pays it...THeir phone bill together was 518.00 dollars.....WTF
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Yes, Nicole-I think its strange-but I think alot of things are
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
strange. And you're seeing the warning signs. Our phone bill runs around $300/mo-because SD17 & SD13 have texting, download music, fancy ringtones. Yet I get chastised over the grocery bill.
It sounds like he is somewhat older than you...and you bring no kids into the relationship?
I know it's hard making it on your own. But trust me, I had more fun, a much more enjoyable life, before I married H and got the leeces in the bargin.
If I were in your position, I'd be putting some money in a get away fund. Even if you decide to stay with him, you'll have the peace of mind of knowing it's there.
oh no i have a daughter...
I have a 12 year old daughter and he is only 3 years older than me......I think he has some sort of guilt or something over this..Do you think he is still trying to be in good graces with the ex??
Maybe since he's moved on
Maybe since he's moved on from their mother he feels like he has to buy them things for them to stay in his life.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
i think you hit the nail on the head
Yes, i think he feels that since these arent his biological kids he has to buy them things and stay in good graces to be apart of their life........
Slippery Slope
Ahhh, the cell phone bill. I remember that battle. H was paying $600+ per month for cells for his 5 adult children, all the while asking me to cut ballet lessons for BD12 because they were "too expensive."
"We" were also expected to pay for their car insurance, cars, tickets, and now, weddings. When I questioned these expenses for adult children who were working, H got so angry at me. Of course they deserved all this! I was a horrible person for even questioning these expenses! I didn't like his widdle children!
All this is to illustrate that the cell phone bill for SD20 and your BF's reaction to your concern about it will tell you a LOT about what your future holds with this man. There will be many cars, weddings, and grandchildren that will settle into his (and your) wallet along the way. Like me, you may be asked to carry a second job to pay for household expenses. Are you OK with that?
I'd wager that if he's forking over for a phone, there's a lot more that he is paying for as well. Find out now, before you're stuck with a ring on your finger, a lot of resentment, and an empty bank account.
well that has already happend
I was ask to see how cheap we could get by with Christmas gifts this year...HAHAH...and all the while a bif fat cell phone bill was in the mailbox....What a joke...Why should i or my child do with out so he can pay ex step childs phone bill......Im so stupid/////
You're not stupid!
You're just learning some pretty harsh truths. Romantic relationships are SUPPOSED to be partnerships. Each member is SUPPOSED to put the best interests of the relationship first. Going into a relationship with that ideal in mind doesn't make you dumb, it makes you an optimist, or an idealist. And honestly, isn't that better than being an eternal pessimist? Wouldn't you get tired of thinking everybody was selfish, or out to get you? I like to think that people, in general, are good-hearted. But I've been burned enough in the past that I don't really trust people that easily, and am pretty stand-offish. Which is kinda sad if you think about it.
At least you're finding out his priorities now, rather than when you're legally obligated to pay his bills.
But you're not stupid, and you deserve better.
~Trish
I paid for my
daughters and her husbands for the first year they were married, and their car insurance also...yea I'm stupid with a capital S. I cut them off a couple of years ago. But yea...I'm guilty.
I have to ask......
The million dollar question we are all trying to figure out is WHY!!! You've paid their bills but why? That's the mentality we are trying to understand. You might be able to shed some light on it.
We all smile in the same language
Mad Enough
Im just mad enough to go home and pack him up...Its my home...I came in this realtionship with no debt...I dont even have a credit card...He came with about 20,000 in credit card debt thanks to the ex and his ex step children...He takes advantage of the fact that i live very simple...Im easy to please and i dont think its right that he is still forking over money for phone bills, graduation, birthdays...and god know what else...Ive had it...
Its your house?
He's living in your house and doing all this?
I think your only hanging on now because of all the time you've allowed to go by. Its difficult but thankfully you are NOT married and it only takes the guts and self esteem to change your circumstances.
Its painfully obvious he's using you and has had a good thing, and yes I do think he has feelings for the Ex and is hanging on to that. Talk to him tonight, and move his ass out.
GOOD! Now you're getting that BACKBONE!!
Like you, when I first joined this site, I was so busy trying to "figure things out"...know what? Life is TOO SHORT to try to hash out other people's dilemmas. The fact that you had all your ducks in order (AND a 12 year old daughter of your own) is a HUGE wake-up call.
And, Nicole, it doesn't matter if they're "his" or not; if they're his nieces, his sisters, or his cousins. He has made a commitment (or so he says...) to YOU; ergo, YOU come first.
Another thing to consider (as do I...) is that "marriage" means "in sickness and in health". As heartless as this may sound, when something happens to HIM, guess who he's gonna expect to "nurse him thru" and take care of him...YOU!! Oh, the Ds might be CONCERNED and call, but you'll be stuck with the whole bag of rocks.
TRUST ME ON THAT ONE!! BEEN THERE, too!
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
Amen, KK
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
"Like you, when I first joined this site, I was so busy trying to "figure things out"...know what? Life is TOO SHORT to try to hash out other people's dilemmas"
Amen. I've tried to wrap my mind around H's behaviour and "understand" him. I mean, how do you move into someone's home (mine) and let your kids and yourself treat them like the outsider?
Why would you throw trash on the floor-for the person who has given you a sparkling clean home, wonderful meals to come home to-to pick up?
How can you live in this house rent free by the good graces of an elderly couple, yet not take care of any maintenance? (except, of course, fixing up a room for SD13)
I drove myself nuts trying to figure it out. No more. I've accepted that I married an immature, selfish bully.
Life is too short!
Paying adult childrens bills....
Whats the matter with some of these men that are still paying their adult childrens bills??? My two oldest got cell phones when they started working, bought the phones with their own money and payed the monthly bill on them!! They got their own cars when they got a job, paid for half the car, and paid the monthly insurance themselves...
My oldest just turned 24, has two kids that she is raising alone, works alot of hours as a correctional officer in a mans maximum security prison, and lives all alone with no family close to her in Washington state...She basically has no father and her mom is currently living in Germany...She is all alone and has managed to do just fine taking care of herself, paying her own bills, and taking care of two kids...
It makes me sick when I hear these situations where adult children arn't even held responsible for paying their own cell phone bills!!!
In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities. ~disgusted