Well girls....
I poured my heart out last night and even broke down in tears about the bills he pays and the insurance policy...He had nothing to say....
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I poured my heart out last night and even broke down in tears about the bills he pays and the insurance policy...He had nothing to say....
Comments
so where does that leave u?
nothing to say? is something else going on here w him?
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
What could he say????
What could he say??? You were 100% right and he can't argue or defend himself against what you said. In those situations my DH tries to throw the conversation onto another topic or just says, "whatever"...
In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities. ~ disgusted
maybe shes got something on him???
just throwin it out there...thats kinda a strange reaction
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
No this is a typical reaction...
He avoids arguements at any cost....Always has,,,But i feel like im not being heard when he does this...And im probably not
Been there, done that
Nicole:
My first husband was a lot like that too. When we were separated and in counseling (and the best I can say about that is at least he showed up), I would try to talk to him but he would just carry on with what he was doing and wouldn't respond. He hated confrontation and tried to keep the peace at all cost, but what he didn't realize was that by doing so, he completely ignored and invalidated my feelings and this just made me angrier. He may have kept the peace for himself, but I would seethe and boil over inside. His lack of consideration, understanding and empathy showed me just how little he cared for my feelings and concerns. I meant absolutely nothing to him, and there is no worse feeling than having the man you so totally love have such disregard for you. It hurts like hell, and either your BF or H or whatever he is is too thick-skulled to see what he's doing. My advice: after laying everything out on the table using the smallest words he can understand, if he still doesn't get it--cut your losses now and get the heck out of dodge.
The Brick Wall Treatment...
When they react like that or should I say don't react it feels like your talking to a brick wall doesn't it? My ex husband was alot like that also...Current DH is like that a bit and it really irritates me and causes me to feel like my feelings and my needs don't matter. He will do things like turn up the tv when I am trying to talk to him or will turn around and say "Oh what, I didn't hear you.." I feel like I am talking to a rock and beating my head against a wall. It's so disrespectful when they do that to us...
I still think alot of it is that they can't argue or defend themselves against what we have said because we are right. They know we are right but they just want to do what they want to do..It's seems like a passive way of saying they are going to do what they want and they don't care how it makes us feel.
In a perfect world their would be retroactive abortion capabilities. ~ disgusted
Avoidance. Closing his eyes (figuratively speaking) and hoping
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
this issues will just go away.
There is no defense, Nicole, for his actions-and back to him being angry w/you for going away with your gf's-
maybe you should read the posts by Mizmels bf, see if the attitude is similar.
but this isnt acceptable!!!!!!!
he has to defend himself...whatever warped reasoning he has u need to be made aware of it!!!!
"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin
Is he on your insurance
Is he on your insurance policy Nicole?? If so, I would let him know that due to his lack of empathy in this situation and since you see what his stance is on taking care of your mutual debt and his funeral costs.. that you have decided to remove HIM as YOUR beneficiary and that you are leaving it to a close relative that will take care of you when you pass. If you really want to get a rise out of him.. LEAVE IT TO THE FAMILY CAT!! or DOG!
I am sorry. I thought that proposing a new policy for just the amount needed would have swayed him. They arent expensive at all..
Omg!! Im gonna do that
Im gonna call the insurance co today and im gonna put Martin down as the beneficiary....Thats my DOG>>>>To funny,,,,,,,You guys are evil and i like it...hahaha
Glad that I could help.
Glad that I could help. Perhaps name one of your parents.. if its just to Martin, Prince Charming might try to off the furry companion for the loot.
agreed FIM
I have no qualms with FH at all, but until we are married and buy a home, my parents are the beneficiaries of my life insurance policy. After that, we will both carry policies enough to pay off the house in full should the other pass away, so the survivor will not lose the house.
Think about it this way, until there's additional assets, that money is needed in part to cover any funeral arrangements that need to be made, which can run into the thousands. I'm not trying to be morbid, but half the men on this site seem ready to ship their "loved one" off to the afterlife in a pine box just to have a few extra thousand to spend of their precious princesses. I don't know about you, but most people wouldn't want their family scandalized by a white trash funeral that SD rolls up to (if she even showed up) in a BMW....
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
For you to actual cry & pour
For you to actual cry & pour your heart out over this & have him not say a word...that is not avoiding conflict in my eyes. Thats starting a huge one. Thats just wrong to totally disregard your feelings. Even if he doesn't agree with them, he could at least show some concern for how you feel.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
I totally agree
He's on yours?
Man I wouldn't have him on mine, your not even married and especially if he chose to put his ex's brats on there. Put anyone but him, man oh man!
OMG
I feel for you, my DH tries to "avoid conflict" aka not responding everytime I try to have a serious conversation about my feelings on subjects, it drives me mad!!
I agree also....
And you guys are excatly right....I feel like everything i say and feel just goes unnoticed...And then i carry it around..Nothing gets resolved...I have resentment over it...I feel like nothing i say matters, if i email him or leave him a voicemail..He says nothing...If i ask him to his face he either says nothing or tells me that all i want to do is bitch. And im really not someone that likes to fight or argue..(really im not)..But when you feel like your feelings mean nothing and ask him about something and he goes off and starts telling me i want to fight..I just shut down..He gets off the subject by telling me i want to bitch and argue...I get so mad and frustrated that i cant stand him...He told me once that his Ex treated him like one of the kids and he was a ghost in his own home...Wonder why....And he told me to stop with the insurance issue..That he never saw anyone like me...That im so jealous of the ex step kids and that i need to grow up...
Take him off your policy
Take him off your policy NOW. And tell him you did so. This has nothing to do w/jealousy, and everything to do w/protecting yourself financially. Personally... I think you deserve better!
Took mine off insurance
Yeah, my H basically ignored me about his life insurance, and refused to author a will. I am the kind of person who thinks, that with his 5 adult stepbrats and a 2nd marriage, a will is really important, as is life insurance. Duh.
So I was ignored for two years when I asked him to take care of business. Turns out I had to change his beneficiaries myself, because I found out that one was his ex wife, and the other was oldest daughter Poopsie Princess. If H dies, I would get nothing. The state would get half, and the rest would go to the ex and the oldest daughter. Even as beneficiary, H's life insurance is so low that it wouldn't conver his debt. I asked him to raise the amount. He refused.
So I took action. I do have a will and carry plenty of life insurance. I hired an attorney who specializes in this and made a will that completely bypasses H. All my life insurance is for my BD12, and all my 401Ks are for her as well, with the attorney as trustee until she is 25. NOTHING goes to H. In the process of doing the will and beneficiaries, I had to have H sign off "spousal consent" documents, because the court wouldn't honor such a strange situation where one spouse leaves another with NOTHING unless the other spouse signed the documents.
Oh, the day I put the documents on the table and a pen in H's hand was interesting indeed! H was surprised that I had done exactly what I told him I would, and was reluctant to sign them. I told him that it was quid pro quo--you leave me with nothing, and I leave you with nothing. Fair is fair. H finally signed the documents because he's completely stupid.
You know, insurance is just another way of showing your partner that you care about them, and want to make sure they will be OK. The fact that my H didn't take care of business--like yours--is yet another indication that he doesn't give a crap about me.
Nicole--you and I deserve so much better than this!
Sarah, are you still getting
Sarah, are you still getting the divorce?
Yeah
I think it's time to update my blog instead of using Nicole's. I've been so busy lately I haven't had time to write...