The information below is a repost of what brought me to this site in the first place…now the time is coming around again for my daughter a’s birthday and I’m feeling all the same feelings that I did when I came looking for help/advice…I never got a reply to the post below so I’m hoping that someone can give me their honest perspective on the issue…also, I’m debating how I want to handle the whole birthday issue being that daughter a’s birthday is coming up in a month....(I’m a planner :O} ) and I want to start to finalize some plans…THANKS IN ADVANCE!!!! Sorry this is so loooonnnnnnnngggggg....

Submitted by Nise on Tue, 05/09/2006 - 1:37pm

I have what appears to me to be a very unique situation. My husband has two girls (5 & 6) by two different women. The mother of the five year old (Biomom A) and he were in a relationship and while they were broken up (for about two months) he met and very briefly dated the mother of the 6 year old (Biomom B). He and Biomom A reconciled and 5 months after the reconciliation Biomom B told him she was 6 months pregnant. Biomom A accepted the child and she and my husband stayed together. Shortly thereafter (about 4 months to be exact) she got pregnant (she and my husband had been together for 2.5 years prior to the break-up, the pill was their preferred means of birth control and she’d never gotten pregnant prior to finding out he had a child on the way).
When we got together the girls were 2 & 3. At that time the biomoms “united” (as in going places together without the girls) and were in my opinion hell bent on splitting us apart. We were married three years later (neither daughter was allowed to attend our wedding) and now the biomoms no longer speak to one another.
He is a wonderful father and we have the girls Tuesday’s after school and every other weekend per the visitation agreement. He loves his children and plays an active role in their lives and supports them financially and emotionally….(field trips, going to the school for discipline, homework, etc…). In my opinion he treats both girls the same. Biomom A sees otherwise. She says that the daughter of Biomom B is his “favorite” and that “her daughter is her number one priority” and she is not going to allow her to be treated unfairly. He tries to explain to her that both girls are his number one priority, not just one, and he has to take both of them into consideration (which to me should be OBVIOUS!)
Biomom A’s latest complaint is this….last year biomom a had “daughter a” a birthday party at her house. She invited my husband and I, his sisters and their children. Since we had already celebrated her birthday as a “party” we decided it would be neat to do something special and took both daughters and their female cousin to see Disney Princesses on Ice (which they LOVED!) as a birthday surprise.
On the other hand….Biomom b NEVER tells my husband about the parties she has for daughter b and never invites him nor his family. So for the last two years we’ve had “daughter b” a party so that her grandmother, aunts, cousins, etc. on my husband’s side could celebrate her birthday with her just like we all did with daughter a. Well…biomom A called GOING BALLISTIC about how daughter b is the favorite, and we NEVER have “daughter a” a party but “daughter b” has had two parties (mind you daughter a hasn’t yet had a second birthday since daughter b has had her second party…) and it just went ON AND ON about how she wont allow my husband to mistreat her daughter b/c all he did for her birthday was took her to some Disney bull*** (mind you the tickets for those shows ARE NOT CHEAP, we bought five tickets and sat right on the ice, they ate snacks and got those light up toys to swing around so in all actually we spent more money in celebrating her birthday then on the party!! But more importantly than that THEY HAD FUN!!!) and that he’d better quit listening to me and playing favorites…It was my opinion that daughter a really lucked out b/c she got to have a celebration with BOTH sides of her family!! What do you think? Am I crazy or is she?!