From the beginning that DH and I have been together, we have always rotated families for Christmas Dinner, which always revolved around which year he had his daughters. So one year his daughters would be with BM on Christmas Eve and day, then with us in the afternoon and for Christmas dinner

On the alternating years we would have DH's daughters on Christmas eve and day, and then in the afternoon they would go to BM's...so regardless of whose year it was, both DH and BM always had the girls at some point on Christmas Day

So on the year's that we had DH's daughters, I always had Christmas dinner with DH's family, and on the years the girls were with their Mom for Christmas dinner, DH and I had Christmas dinner at my family's

Then one day BM just decided she would have Christmas dinner whenever, and it was up to the girls where they would go. The girls were adults then so no problem, DH and I continued to rotate. I always however went out of my way to try to arrange for DH and I to spend Christmas dinner with his family, if this is when his daughters decided they would have dinner with his family

Then YSD moved out west, and now comes home on average twice a year. I've continued to work around DH's life so for example, it was my turn last year to host my family's Christmas. I hosted on Boxing Day, which actually put some of my siblings out, so that we could once again spend it with DH's family on Christmas Day dinner, even though technically it was our turn to see my family. This caused me some grief with my family, but I thought it's so important for DH to have Christmas dinner with YSD, and he doesn't see her every day, so I tended to always try to cater to him and her where I could

So, today DH gets a text message from YSD asking if we are spending Christmas dinner this year with my family, or with their side

I assume this means she wants to spend Christmas dinner with DH's family. I was as always going to find out whose turn on my family's side was hosting and which day, to do my best to accommodate DH, so he can have Xmas dinner with YSD

THEN however, before I had a chance, Dh suggests to me that we should be having Christmas dinner with his family again, because we should be spending it with YSD....he says it like it is absolutely selfish of me to even consider not spending Christmas dinner at his family's with YSD, and then justifies this that I see my family all the time, and he only sees his adult daughter a few weeks twice a year so in fact, we should spend EVERY Christmas dinner with his family from now on

So, I'm like, "let me get this straight - you're saying I should give up seeing my own family for Christmas dinner every single year, because your daughter only comes home twice a year, three weeks in the summer and three weeks over Christmas and therefore every single Christmas dinner should be spent with her at your family each and every time she decides to have Christmas dinner with your family (which is usually the case because BM prefers to have Xmas dinner on Christmas Eve instead)

DH says yes, this is correct. He again says that we see my family all the time, so what's the big deal if we don't have Christmas dinner together, as in ever????

I ask him does he not think it's important to my own family and I to have Christmas dinner together? So WHAT if we see each other more often, why should we give up Christmas dinner together EVERY year JUST because his adult daughter moved away from home out west

Am I on crack, or is this just another selfish unforgiving thing our DH's expect from us second-class second wives?

Grrrrr!!!!