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Should have Known SD had more up her sleeve

Disillusioned's picture

Unlike the calls and Facetime visits received from YSD on DH's family member's birthdays, I get special nasty treatment almost always as with other events like that, mine came and went this year without a phone call from her, which I was totally good with! LOL

It's hurtful of course but I was happy not to have to talk with her on my birthday. 

The next morning DH commented to me how disappointed he was with YSD for not calling 

I didn't make a big deal about it, especialy as DH could see for himself that she didn't bother. 

And as far as I was concerned a bonus present :) DH seeing this for himself

Of course I should have known there would be something up her sleeve, always is

So almost two days later she does call, my phone is acting up so I didn't get the voicemail until another two days after that. Her message was of course oh so sweet and innocent sounding saying how sorry she was to have not called. That she meant to call in the morning and got so busy she forgot. So so sorry. Hope it was wonderul, yada yada

This is what she does, hoping I'm sure that I would say some derogotive things about her and not calling me on my BD and DH being all upset with me for it etc... in fact I'm sure she left it so late the following day deliberatly just to give me lots of time to complain about her disregard for me and so on, hoping I'm sure DH & I were arguing about it with him defending her as always and saying she must have had something going on, so that when the sweet and innocent voicemail going on and on with the big apology and best wishes etc.. etc.. would not only make her look the little wonderful darling but me the nasty evil SM just waiting to pick on her and trash her 

Well, fortunate for me I did no such thing. Not to mention DH had already conveyed his disappointment with her and I really had no need to go on or get into it with DH and all the other things I'm sure YSD imagined her little game was causing 

And her voicemail and its lies as far as I'm concerned were obvious also. She is on FB all the time. Not only 'friends' with me on FB but with my some of friends and family too. She would have seen on my birthday all the posts from everyone all day long. If she was far too busy to call, a simple post on FB since she would have clearly seen them all would have been easy for her. Since I know she would never do that in case OSD, BM or SIL saw, there was still no reason a simple Happy BD text couldn't have been sent from her. So I guess she just simply chose not to

And the day after my birthday I posted a thank you to everyone on FB, there were lots of responses to that too. YSD would have seen them. Yet she still did not bother to respond. So her phone call that evening claiming she was just soooooo busy and totally forgot and sooooo sorry is IMO just another game from her aimed at doing something she thinks would tick me off, result in me saying something nasty about her to DH and then after DH getting his nose out of joint that I would be unhappy about his daughter's behaviour, she comes off looking like a totally thouhtful kind sweetheart and me nasty and mean

Well that didn't really work either as for starters I didn't bother to say much to DH and secondly, DH knows she's on FB all the time and would have been fully aware of all the birthday posts for two days straight, and yet didn't make any effort to so much as send a text to me let alone anything else

I can't imagine spending your life always conniving up little plots to make those you don't like look bad, cause a wedge in the relationship between DH & I and make yourself look falsely good. Wow....I can find so many better ways to spend my energy!

 

 

BobbyDazzler's picture

Don't call me on my birthday and I don't care. I have too many Blessings in my life to worry about petty people. It sounds like its exhausting to be her. 

SeeYouNever's picture

Wow is this from the SD playbook? My SD15 doesn't acknowledge me for any holiday unless I do it first but she always does the 2 days late thing for DH like clockwork. Then it's the same exact message, texted, no VM because she doesn't actually want to talk.

So sweet, innocent, loving...and busy. Yet whenever I see her the phone is always in her hand. Busy my a$$.

CLove's picture

Yes, it does sound like shes playing some mind game.

Teenagers, doesnt she have better things to do? Other havoc to wreak?

JRI's picture

I judge people by how they act, not what they say.  So, when SD61 stole from us while living with us (specifically my possessions) and made our lives hell with her lying, manipulation and drug use, that told me all I needed to ever know how she felt about me.  So, now I hear "I love you" and receive dollar store gifts from her but it doesnt register.  I dont discuss her with DH at all, neither her faults nor the gifts, nothing.  If she acknowledges me in any way, I say thanks and I'm always polite and civil.  Do I trust her?  Do I believe her?  Would I confide in her?  No, no and no.  The minute I hear she's coming, I immediately  hide my purse and try to think of a way to be unavailable (nap, bath).  I am trying to keep things livable while DH lives.  This is his only daughter  and I know she will be in my life while he lives.

1st3rd5thWEInHell's picture

Mines have never bothered on my bdays and probably dont even know when it is. When i was somewhat engaged, i hosted bday parties and gave them gifts. They also dont care about their dads bday but he doesnt celebrate it. I have never celebrated my bday since I got married, nor anyone outside of my family or coworkers ever wished it. In fact,last year it was completely ignored.

 

I usually try to travel or go somewhere for myself and buy me my own gifts. I figured since no one in my home celebrate bdays or care to remember them (supposedly) it doesnt mean i should punish myself

Hell would freeze over before any of the steps call me to say anything nice. They actually arent allowed to reach me because BM doesnt want them to contact me for anything but pick up or drop off or when their father is not responding. I got tired of getting texts about forgetting stuff or can you ask dad to call so I blocked all of them, im not anyones secretary.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Your older SD is a complete B, but at least she's honest about it. In contrast, your YSD is such a coward, trying to keep in both her sis/SIL's good books AND daddee's. So pathetic. 

It's misogynistic to say, but so many of the problems in step life come from women with daddee issues and the men who are too scared to shut their poo down.

Stepdrama2020's picture

Preach smart lady. This is exactly what goes down in dysfunctional toxic families.

Disillusioned's picture

Wow Exjulie, you are always so Dead On. Yes all of what you just said is 100% true! 

Powerfamily's picture

So in other words your DH got upset that SD didn't phone you on your birthday, he called her the following day and then she sent you a message wishing you a happy birthday.   She's only done this to say to DH that she did call you and then he's happy.  So it's really nothing to with you, and only about his and her relationship.

ESMOD's picture

This is it... for sure.  I don't think she set this up as a game at all... you likely don't rise to importance to her to notice things.. BUT when daddy scolded her.. she had to come up with a nice plausible message for you.

 

Disillusioned's picture

Oh beleive me ESMOD, what's important to her is making the awful SM look bad to DH as often as possible, and YSD look like a little darling all the time

I should add that she has 25 years experience at it at this point. SIL, BM, OSD - the things they plotted up over the years to get to DH and especially me the target. I could literally write a book about it. It would have to take several books. Stuff that even DH caught on to and got really upset about. 

YSD was always right in the thick of all those incidents. 

She just has always been much better at playing the little sweetheart in front of DH

She's quite good at setting herself up to look wonderful (and DH so wanting to believe that about this daughter) and at the same time setting me up to look bad

Except over the years I've continued to watch what I decide to make a mountain over, refrain from falling into her traps, and often especially these days DH sees all her crap for exactly what it truly is, all on his own. He doesn't need me to point it out to him

What she has failed to figure out is that she simply isn't that important to me. So if she doesn't call me on my birthday and then later with some lie about why and then plays the total sweetheart all good intensions trip, its all the same to me and I don't bother to get worked up over it, say much to DH at all, and even when DH comments on it I brush it off. 

That truly is the best revenge as she can't set me up to look bad when I'm not playing her game. But her actions do show through. DH is on to her much more than she knows. 

Disillusioned's picture

Yes Power with the exception of DH phoning her. As soon as he mentioned to me the next day how disappointed he was in her I asked him just to it go, and specifically said if he were to call her he is only starting problems which we don't need. He wanted to do that but in the end I don't think he did. 

I honestly think it's all part of her game. Not call, hope I'll bash her to DH over the course of a couple of days, then call all sweet an innocent with a perfectly good reason why not and the sincerest of wishes for me. Just to make herself look great to DH, and me the mean nasty one. 

Too bad for her I don't care enough about her not calling to say much to DH, but do make sure I mention to him all confused as to how she possibly could have missed all the posts on FB for two days straight wishing me happy BD?? LOL 

shamds's picture

If you matter to someone, it doesn't matter how busy they are, they will make time to contact you even if its a text or a call for a minute, they will do it.

now if you don't matter and aren't respected, appreciated or valued in their life, they won't make an effort to contact you. It will be the typical "sorry i'm busy"

this is why my husband doesn't say hppy birthday to his 3 kids from exwife but will always remember for me and our 2 kids together. Because we are important to one another and value/appreciate and respect one another.

if your husband mattered, sd would have messaged or called a simple hopy birthday

shamds's picture

If you matter to someone, it doesn't matter how busy they are, they will make time to contact you even if its a text or a call for a minute, they will do it.

now if you don't matter and aren't respected, appreciated or valued in their life, they won't make an effort to contact you. It will be the typical "sorry i'm busy"

this is why my husband doesn't say hppy birthday to his 3 kids from exwife but will always remember for me and our 2 kids together. Because we are important to one another and value/appreciate and respect one another.

if your husband mattered, sd would have messaged or called a simple hopy birthday

Harry's picture

It's time to be jolly, so jolly that you forget about SD. And guest what no gifts for her. You forgot....

This is being disrespectful to you,  your DH should not be disappointed, but should be a parent and call her out on it.  For being a "B" and disrespectful.  There should be consequences for her actions 

ESMOD's picture

I think he DID call her on it.. or more likely gently reminded her.. which prompted that late message.

Disillusioned's picture

I appreicate your opinions ESMOD but as mentioned, have been known her now for a good 25 years and also as mentioned after so many incidents of conniving plots from YSD and the gang, I see through a lot and do beleive very much she works hard at the set-up 

But I would rather you were right than me of course 

 

Disillusioned's picture

LOL Harry, but then I don't want to behave as her.

My DH tended to think the same way as you about it, but in the end I figured it would just result in more resentment from SD's and I would rather not deal with that. DH knowing what her actions mean are enough for me I guess 

hereiam's picture

This is what she does, hoping I'm sure that I would say some derogotive things about her and not calling me on my BD and DH being all upset with me for it etc... in fact I'm sure she left it so late the following day deliberatly just to give me lots of time to complain about her disregard for me and so on, hoping I'm sure DH & I were arguing about it with him defending her as always and saying she must have had something going on, so that when the sweet and innocent voicemail going on and on with the big apology and best wishes etc.. etc.. would not only make her look the little wonderful darling but me the nasty evil SM just waiting to pick on her and trash her 

I really think you are reaching about all of this. She just didn't want to call you, but then your DH called her out, so she did.

You're so sure you know her motives but I honestly don't think she gave it that much thought!

Maxwell09's picture

I agree with this. I think it is a safe bet to say most of these stepchildren are shallow if not also self-centered. I think the manipulation and motivation behind her message is mostly projection by OP. 

The kid is a shitty young adult that doesn't prioritize memorizing birthdays or sending out birthday messages to people they don't like. It's really simple. Her doing it after the fact tells you that it bothered your DH, which is nice in the aspect that he knows his child doesn't care, but other than that, it is what it is. 

 

 

Disillusioned's picture

Again Maxwell, I would have to say no that is not the case. But thank you. I know her well. And by the way, she is not a young adult...she's approaching 40. And I've already had 25 years of her tactics so trust me when I say it's a set up on her part

StepUltimate's picture

I think your assessment is 100% accurate. BTDT.

Biggrin

Disillusioned's picture

I so wish I could agree with you hereiam but I have had way too many incidents of her treatment over the years. After 25 years of  being aorund her believe me I know her well enough to know that making me look and feel bad and herself sweet and wonderful to DH all at the same time is Exactly what she intends

grannyd's picture

So true, Disillusioned! Your SD has turned her decades-long 'divide and conquer' tactics into an art form. Almost admirable, since Indulging the blood lust of BM and elder SD while, concurrently, strapping on the halo for Daddy takes skill and determination.

I've been reading your posts too long to doubt, for an instant, that younger SD did not forget your BD yet understand why some members may suspect a soupçon of paranoia on your part. That pair of bitches and their loathsome aunt are never too busy to stir the 'ol' pot. 

Disillusioned's picture

Hahaha grannyd, too funny! 

And I agree it does take skill and determination to pull this off, all of which YSD has

The sad part for her is that DH has begun to really catch on to all of this and she truly thinks she's pulling it over on him I think, which just adds to his disappointment 

Stepdrama2020's picture

You know her better than the rest of us.

Go with your gut. You know she is a B. You know these types of SD's always have something up their sleeve. Youve lived it. We can try to project and explain it away, but truly you know her. Wrong or right as to SD's motives, the end result either way is that she is a self centered B.

Be glad that it bothered DH and he dealt with it.

I know its dang hard to get these toxic shits out of your headspace, I get it. Redirect your thoughts to a more positive tone. DH did good. Keep reminding yourself of that.

Disillusioned's picture

Thanks Stepdrama, and it honestly did not upset me! LOL

....more I'm just amazed at people who would go through so much trouble to make others they dislike look bad. The constant conniving and plotting. Wow.

And it's been a while since I've posted here so thought it was about time Smile

Newimprvmodel's picture

Honestly I'd be so shocked if my husband agreed with me like your's did and called her out on it. Instead I get gaslighting.  My husband really has it down to an art. 
As I've pointed out SD did not come for Christmas even though she traveled to the area. DH met her the Monday after and for the past yr hangs his hat on that. That she did celebrate and get this. I could have joined in the fun but it was me that snubbed his daughter because I chose not to go even though I was off from work. NOT TRUE.   I've heard this all year and frankly he had me believing. 
So I checked yesterday. I worked that day and told him. His reply?  Oh it must have been the day after New Years. INFURIATING!!  
I let him have it then and there. He will never never take my side. I called him a coward.  I said he's afraid to  be anything than sunshine and smiles with his daughters. Instead he gaslights me!!  He really was furious but so was I. 

CLove's picture

shes got that blossoming thing where she learned to deflect, and gets the "little girl" high voice. Shes been put on the Golden Child pedastal for so long, shes got the whole thing dialed in.

Robe8238's picture

My SD does the exact same thing.  I'm the one that has purchased all of their gifts,  sent her a fruit bouquet for the 1st birthday that i met her (from ME, not dad).  I've NEVER received so much as a card,  even though she talks about her 6 figure income.  I'm just DONE.  SKIPPED HER BIRTHDAY THIS PAST YEAR.  She gets her dad expensive gifts & disregards me completely.  It would be different if she had a good relationship with her mother,  but she hated her mother. 

 

 

BobbyDazzler's picture

Used to give his father a nice Christmas gift and I'd get a $20 gift card of some sort. One Christmas I asked my DH what got, he told me, and I told him what I was given. My DH was shocked and the next year told told his a-hole son to give us a combination gift card or nothing at all. Usually he makes excuses for this kid so I was pleasantly surprised when my DH did that. This year my DH told his 2 sons that we weren't exchanging gifts with them anymore. This way his sons won't have to spend any money on us either. That's their choice and I'm fine with that. My kids and I will continue to exchange gifts. If they all feel awkward while we are exchanging gifts, that's their problem. 
My kids spend the same on their stepfather as they do on me and I wouldn't have it any other way.