Do your DH's/his family make you feel like only THEIR Xmas time together is what matters?!!
From the first Christmas DH & I spent together we've done what many couples out there do when it comes to Xmas - one year it would be with DH's family and the next year mine
It worked out reasonably well when DH's girls were young as the year they had Xmas dinner with DH then DH and I and the girls would spend it at DH's family, and the years the girls were at BM's for Xmas dinner then DH and I would spend it with my family
This has never been perfect because EVERY year there is the Christmas brunch with DH's family. On the years we had Christmas dinner at DH's family's then we were there all day and didn't see my family at all. But on the years we had Xmas dinner with my family we still had Christmas brunch with DH's family first, so I had really just a little time prior to dinner to visit with my family let alone open any gifts they had for us, prior to sitting down to dinner with them
Not really fair to my family but I also knew that DH valued the time with his daughters since he didn't see them every day so I have always just sucked it up and looked forward to seeing my family for dinner on the years we were there
This year was our turn to have Christmas dinner with my family, YSD had originally said she was going to her boyfriend's parents for Xmas dinner and DH's eldest daughter always has Christmas dinner with her husband's family (BM now does their Xmas dinner on Christmas Eve every year and both girls never miss that)
So I say to DH this evening that my sister called about Christmas and was hoping we could come early so I could help her out. Before I even have the words out DH has already said that we'll leave FIL's by 4:00. So now I'm getting ticked off because 1) DH's eldest takes off literally as soon as they've opened their presents after brunch and 2) every year it's ALWAYS about not cutting any time with HIS family, but sure no problem totally cutting in to my family's time, and on top of it, DH and his family act like it is SUCH an injustice that DH has to leave and have dinner with MY family rather than his own...this is after we have spent all day with them anyway and have little time left to see mine
So totally self-centered and selfish
So I said pretty much that to DH this evening. Reminded him that I have ALWAYS sacrificed time with MY family so he could have time with his, but he has never sacrificed as much so that I could have time with MY family.
It's like he, and his family, feel they are SO much more important and my family are all just second-class citizens and we should all just suck it up and sacrifice so THEY can have their happy little family traditions with no regard at all for anyone else
I thought about doing Christmas separately but then why should I have to spend Christmas without my husband just because they are all so selfish?
Grrr......!
This only happens when we
This only happens when we allow it to. You have silently gone along and now you've had enough. You should have said something long ago! Not sure how far everyone is, but why not leave early to go help your sister and he can join you later? The ideal situation would be for him to have a backbone and make you a priority to HIS family, but you can't control him. If you do your own thing, you will get some of what you want.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Many years ago when I was married, my mil told my (now ex) husband that he could come for Christmas without me. I was 5 months pregnant and very uncomfortable and unable to sit 4 hours in the car. I lost all respect for her that day.
Yes...for the last 3 years it
Yes...for the last 3 years it has revolved around his family because everyone wants to see the kids...well, I have a child and family too and this year, the table is being turned.
It's true onthefence2....I
It's true onthefence2....I always understood how important it was for DH to spend every minute with his daughters during this time (I know because my own father was very emotional and needy that way after my parents divorced too) so I got it
I felt too guilty myself for expecting him to miss this time with his family every other Christmas...but yes you are correct, at the same time I was forgetting that it was important I spent time with mine too. I didn't mind it not being fair, I put DH and his kids first
And just like so many of us SM's, we make these sacrifices and no one gives a crap (but us
) not only did DH nor his family care about me not seeing my family like DH saw his, but when the time came to finally leave and spend a few house with my mine, well ya, I think everyone in DH's family had the same attitude as your MIL did with you - that DH could just spend it separately
I can't believe your MIL would be so selfish and unfeeling to you! No wonder you lost respect for her :O
That's brutal
That's brutal Sheldon.fan....your FIL sounds like a jerk!
Way too funny fearless
Way too funny fearless
Definitely thought about that
Definitely thought about that Tog...it really bugs me though that we have to spend Christmas separately because DH and his family are too selfish to allow other's to do the same - especially when others have sacrificed so much over the years for them to enjoy theirs!
If I go to my sister's alone DH will not be happy but I'm sure his petty sister and nasty eldest daughter would be thrilled. Not that I care about that part (could care less what they think really) but bugs me that I can't enjoy Christmas with my husband like I should be able to
Most likely we will go to my sisters some time before 4:00 p.m. DH will be all grumpy that I 'rushed' him out when you know, Christmas is all about him and his family don't you know?!! Grr.....
DH will act like he had to give up so much by leaving so I can also see my family - keeping in mind this is supposed to be MY family's year - and DH's family will act like his mean selfish wife prevented him from having Christmas dinner with his own family yet another year and poor YSD who he rarely sees won't have all day again with her dad
I fully intend to have a great time at my sister's and ignore all the crap, I'll make sure to apologize to her within earshot of DH for being so late and 'yes it's our year to have Christmas dinner with our family but EVERY year is always DH's Xmas brunch first regardless of it being our family this year, sorry, I know it isn't fair'
Yes, it's always more about
Yes, it's always more about his family because plans are made around the custody schedule of his daughter.
We have to be with part of his family on x-mas eve. so that they get to see her, and the other part of his family on x-mas day so that they get to see her too. That way, they all get to hand her the gifts from them.
don't you love that? Then
don't you love that?
Then SD ignores everyone until the next gift giving event.
ahhhh, 'tis the season....
We actually go to both
We actually go to both family's houses on xmas (& every other holiday). No one wants to give up time with their own family, plus my mom is all alone (dad passed away few years ago) so I would never want her to be alone on a holiday.
This year, we planned to do xmas eve with DH's family & then xmas day with my family because we are getting tired of running around. Well we don't have SD on xmas eve so that wasn't good enough for his family.. they want us to come back on xmas day when we get SD.
They don't ever consider that we also have a whole other family we have to see. It's not all about them. Plus, DH's parents have each other & other kids in the house.. my mom lives alone. They are just selfish.
That sounds awesome,
That sounds awesome, Fearless!!
I ended up inviting my mom to come to DH's family's house with us. Since they want to see us both days (even though it's only because SD won't be there xmas eve), why shouldn't she see us both days as well?
I can't stand the thought of leaving her alone. Like I said, dad passed a few years ago & my brother is in jail (long story). She's had it rough lately & she doesn't deserve to sit around alone waiting on people because of skid.