If you prove PAS does it even make a difference?
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DH told me this morning he was going to have SS have a psychological exam done in order to prove he is being PAS'd by BM. I'm just wondering if it would actually change anything? I know some courts view PAS as a form of child abuse, but considering BM had child protective services called on her in the past, failed every drug test they gave her and was still able to retain joint custody in court due to the golden U, I feel that DH is getting his hopes up.
Has proving PAS changed anything for anyone? And if so was it worth it? By that I mean to say what did you actually gain from it? Full custody? More custodial time? Did BM make your lives harder because of it? Did it make the PAS worse? Is it a route you would recommend going down?
PAS is a syndrome. A child
PAS is a syndrome. A child being alienated from a parent doesn't necessarily mean that the child suffers from the syndrome. It often simply means that he is alienated.
I think a judge who would even be open to acknowledging the syndrome, would be as willing to consider alienation as cause for change in the order. That said, not all judges will consider it.
Have you read the book "Divorce Poison"? If you haven't, I strongly recommend that you do. I got it from our public library & I it was helpful enough I purchased my own copy to reference over time.
It defines & explains a LOT about PAS & alienation & offers different ideas on how to battle & cope as the parent suffering & ways to try to help the child(ren) battle & cope.
I also found it very helpful, as DH's kids were already alienated to the point we had no contact by the time we realized there was such a thing, in that it helped us see things from the children's POV's, which helped us tremendously in dealing with the guilty my-kids-hate-me, I-must-be-an-awful-parent feelings. It helped us accept that it wasn't something we did to cause the distance, but the way children naturally react to BM's lies, actions, & manipulation.
Sorry, yeah to clarify SS
Sorry, yeah to clarify SS doesn't have the syndrome, his mom has been trying to alienate him but SS is young and doesn't really understand what's going on, he's very confused by the coaching and says things he doesn't mean, but he still loves his dad. I will look into the book you've suggested, I think it would be a good read for DH.
Not a bad idea
Not a bad idea
Not a bad idea
Not a bad idea
Almost 4, but BM doesn't
Almost 4, but BM doesn't refuse DH his parenting time, they have a joint custody agreement. If BM tried to refuse DH access she could be charged for parental abduction. It's more stuff like BM telling SS DH is not his dad (SS looks exactly like DH, but even if it was true DH would never want to know), and telling SS to say that DH is mean and he wants to live with BM. We know it's coaching because when we ask why he says DH is mean he seems confused and then starts saying BM is mean because he thinks that's what we want him to say.
SS is a young boy. There's a
SS is a young boy. There's a great dvd for kids out there dealing with pas called "Welcome Back Pluto." You should look into that for him.
BM has gone as far as to try
BM has gone as far as to try and get a restraining order for SS against DH, so he couldn't go near his own son, thankfully the judge just laughed at her over that one, you need a reason to have a restraining order...
From reading experiences of
From reading experiences of others I know its a huge financial burden to take on with a very chancy outcome which by definition means some have succeeded but many have failed. The successful ones end up with a court order telling the custodial parent to knock it off or face consequences.
This leaves the non-custodial parent with the onus of proving it once again to invoke consequences however since consequences could in theory involve jail time it usually has some effect.
Personally I would first have my attorney write a letter to the custodial parent telling them if they don't quit, and give specific instances of the attempted alienation, then custody AND CHILD SUPPORT will be sought. The thought of not only losing income but having to come up with a equal amount and paying it out usually sends shivers down any non-custodial parents spine.
Of course the non-custodial parent will loudly deny the accusations and probably counter threat by saying they'll ask for more child support than they're already getting. Your husbands answer to that is "I've said all I need to say you do what you think is in your best interests" and ending the conversation or email exchange.
That simple statement says I'm on firm ground, I have the proof I need and I'm giving you a final chance to do the right thing. Your husband will probably see a change in her behavior.
As someone suggested Divorce
As someone suggested Divorce Poisen is an exellent book on the subject.
It's extremely difficult to prove PA as a syndrome because the children are older if not adults. I had PAS up until 5 years ago and that was in my 30s.
PA is what the courts could be interested in but more importantly the physical evidence that implicates a parent alienating a child against the other (by no fault of the parent being alienated against). Examples and all incompassing: being denied visitation, denied legal custody decisions, phone calls or other contact with the child. A psychological discovery by a professional to suggest "brain-washing" by the aggressor parent to the child and possible breakdown of the child's psychological well being due to the alienation.
PA or not if there is evidence such as listed above and it violates an active CO that parent could be charged with contempt. In my experience judges do little at first. My mother ( the PA aggressor) was verbally repremanded by the judge and wasn't charged for contempt. Both parents were ordered court mediation.
Unfortunately all this did was make my mother sneakier.
My sister fought this with
My sister fought this with her ex-husband who was PASing my nephew (her son) against her
There were other issues too and she was able to speak to how it was hindering the child in his studies and effecting his relationship with her
Her lawyer threatened her ex with reduced visitation if he persisted...it has been better since
Thanks everyone for the
Thanks everyone for the responses, lots of good advice :). The high cost is why I was wondering about other people's outcome's when dealing with alienation, we don't have a lot of money right now and were about to have a baby. I know that what BM is doing is very hard on DH, but TBH I don't want full custody of SS right now, just to have her stop with the alienating for DH and SS's sake. Looks like BM might be doing some jail time soon though for something semi-related, so DH will likely be given temporary full-custody while she's locked up.
You don't need full custody
You don't need full custody to combat PA. Consistant (daily) communication and a visiation schedule that entails a couple times a week (doesn't have to be overnights) usually does the trick.
Unfamiliarity breeds contempt. If a child is familiar with his father that leaves very little BM can wedge between them.