I can't believe she already thinks she knows when she'll give birth. It's not exactly something you can set a clock by. :?

I don't see anything wrong with having SD there. It may not even be "for the birth," but rather to bond as a family shortly after.

Just have your husband tell her he doesn't want SD in the room during the birth.

There's nothing wrong with her wanting her family together in the hospital AFTER the birth.

If both parents are lucky, the baby will come during mom's time. That will be one less battle to fight.

There may be some bad past history that I don’t know about, but why on earth is everyone recommending the she keep the skid away from her mother when she has another baby??? She asked nicely, she asked way in advance.

All births can be a "potentially awful situation".

So confused…

Nothing wrong with wanting her daughter there for the birth.

Hmm. It's a bit odd to me. I wouldn't want my kids watching me give birth (I mean, lets get real, it isn't a pretty situation even when all goes well, no matter how natural it is...does a 6 year old really need to see that?!). So, I don't totally get her request. I'd probably be requesting the opposite-that her dad keep her while I give birth, even if it's not his weekend.

To each his own, but IMO, a kid does NOT need to witness his/her mom give birth. Ever.

Our BM had SD (then 5) in the room when she was giving birth to her second child. I was pregnant at the time as well, and had already stated that I did NOT want anyone other than DH and my mother in the room. There was lots of talk about how selfish those desires made me, that I just wanted "my family", that SD was clearly not a part of. Lots of conflicting feelings and sadness for my SD, poor kid.

BM goes into labor, hauls SD5 along to the hospital, and after 15 hours, BM needs a C-Section. We get a call at 2:30 am from BM's husband du jour, asking DH to come get SD. The call went to voicemail, so we didn't know anything until we woke up the next day. SD had to sit at the nurse's station because no one could come get her.

You'd think BM would understand my POV after an experience like that.

Nope, it was completely turned around on us. How selfish we were to leave poor SD at the hospital while her mother "almost died". (A SLIGHT exaggeration, as we are now friendly with that child's father (BM's ex), and he said it was hardly an emergency situation.) It was also constantly presented to SD that her "bond" with BM's second OOW child is so much stronger than with our daughter, because SD was there for the birth. (REALLY? Highly doubtful SD was suited up in scrubs in the OR at 5.)

Sorry for the tangent. In my experience, these situations are no-win for anyone. If your SD IS going to be present, (which IMO is hardly appropriate), hopefully BM has arrangements for her if something doesn't go as planned. Which is usually the case.

I don't see a problem with this. Her daughter should be there as it's a family occasion after all.

IMO, the birth is not a family occassion. Welcoming the new baby into a happy home, as a cohesive unit, is. Why get a jump-start on the stress? A new mom needs her 24 (or 48) hours of focusing on herself and new baby. If BM doesn't see or want it that way, then maybe the child could be asked if she actually wants to be there? Siblings always want to visit at the hospital, but they don't necessarily want to be subjected to the gory stuff. Kids get scared when mom's hurting, and at six the little one could hardly understand the how's and why's of a laboring woman and birth. She'd be wise to ask if SD can even be there. Some hospitals say no.

I understand if she wants her there to see the baby AFTER delivery - BUT does she mean she wants her there DURING birth? She wants her to see the baby pop out of her vajayjay - examine a placenta AND possibly get stitched up? Is that what she wants her little girl to experience? Maybe DH should ask? Because if DH doesn't agree with her seeing that then well - I think there's an ultimatum THAT BOTH parents need to come up with...they need to agree on that. Secondly...seriously? That could take FOREVER. That kid would be exhausted and bored if she has to sit there for hours and hours...He should probably get more insight on what she means by being there...

Yes, I think that SD should be there if her mom wants her to.But I am hoping she means right after the birth not while...in saying that I had a friend who popped out a few kids and always tried home birth and to include her kids.Funnily enough those kids were more into watching cartoons then being interested in what was going on with mom, who was floating in the living room in their blow up pool...(no jokes!)
I personally would NOT like my kids to watch be giving birth , but I am sure this BM just meant that she wants her daughter to be there right after the baby is born.Please let her do it!!!

I don't see a problem, as long as it does not impact your plans and schedules give her daughter to her to meet her new baby brother or sister. I'm sure in the same situation you would ask for the same.

OMG can't believe someone else is in the same situation as I am here!! The BM in my life is heavily preggers, due soonish as far as i know.

On Friday BF goes to pick up SS5 and SS6 from her's and she tells him (through the kids of course!) that "if the baby starts moving aunty tracy will come pick and pick you up and take you home so you can be there". BF is a bit confused, questions what exactly she means and turns out she is planning on a home birth (fair enough, i wouldn't do it but whatever, her choice) and WANTS THE CHILDREN THERE.

Call me judgemental but i can't help but think that having a 5yr old and a 6yr old present while you're in labour isn't good for ANYONE. Of course I understand wanting them there just after, but during?!?

I don't think kids need to see that particular area of their mothers, particularly not while another human is forcing its way out. Can't help but feel like she's asked them if they want to be there and they've said yes with literally no idea what they're agreeing to.

They can't sit through an hour long film without getting bored, how will hours of watching their mother in huge amounts of pain go?

And they're so young! They're not allowed to watch the Harry Potter films because they're "too violent". SS6 had nightmares after he heard the tale of the boy who cried wolf at school.

Of course BF is annoyed by the idea that he could miss out on time with them when this happens, but i'm totally distracted trying to get my head around the whole concept in the first place!!