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Gosh honey...you always know how to brighten my day!

MissElphaba's picture

Submitted by MissElphaba on Mon, 11/10/2014 - 2:03pm

Just got a fun email from SO re - me hating his daughter... Which is about 80% true, but really - this is out of left field. I think it's because he really wants her to visit soon, but knows he'll have to lay down to the hag and beg her on bended knee, and by the time she lets him know...it'll be Friday at 2:30 and then I really turn into a witch. Last minute is her way of getting to me, and he allows it. He'll likely need me to chip in with the babysitting... So when I said no to herding his cattle from a previous relationship - apparently I'm hateful. I'm hateful because I'm never around when she's visiting. I wonder why that is, SO?! Couldn't be because she's a living, breathing mini-seahag...oh no. It also wouldn't be because she has the manors of a particularly brazen jellyfish. It may also be the fact that our friends have recently come to find out just how "delightful" she is, and ask that he not bring her for extended amounts of time just because he doesn't want to parent her. I did have a coming to Jesus conversation with him about her holding MY (I do that when I'm angry) son without being careful, and he kept his mouth shut and agreed. He knows she's terrifying when she holds him, but MissElphaba is the one who has to lay down the law - heaven forbid we hurt her feelings...she's just trying to play the "sisterly role."

Anyway - that's more a catty vent about my anger with his word choices, my response? "SO, it is not my responsibility to spend time with your daughter, that's your job.That's why she comes here. I'm not planning my schedule around her visits. You're expecting a Norman Rockwell painting from a situation that you continue to throw acid into. You keep laying down to the hag - I'll keep finding things for DS and I to do on visit weekends."

Comments

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Mon, 11/10/2014 - 2:07pm

Tell the story about your friends not wanting her on long visits. I'd like to hear it. Thanks.

MissElphaba's picture

Submitted by MissElphaba on Mon, 11/10/2014 - 2:48pm

Throw in a few "It's not her fault the seahag is her mother"s ... and "she doesn't visit that often...donchaknow"s....and you'd be right on. Not to mention the things she broke. :jawdrop:

Teas83's picture

Submitted by Teas83 on Mon, 11/10/2014 - 3:02pm

ktq - You just described my husband. My SD isn't quite as bad as you described but his reaction is always the same.

Needalifeboat's picture

Submitted by Needalifeboat on Mon, 11/10/2014 - 2:20pm

They all default to the same thing. It can't possibly be their precious offspring, we're just hateful evil stepmoms. Over it.

MissElphaba's picture

Submitted by MissElphaba on Mon, 11/10/2014 - 3:10pm

It's a great response, and initially it is what I used. However, he never got it. He could, and still can't, put together his actions are directly responsible for my feelings/lack of relationship with his kid.

I remember reading on here quite a while ago about one of the women feeling like Pavlov's dogs, because she was classically conditioned to hate/stress visits with the skids because she was always treated poorly when they were around. That's how I feel, eventually you get shocked enough from pushing the button that you just stay the hell away from the button! - and I've brought it up with him, but he's too scared that she won't want to come over anymore if he doesn't elevate her when she's around. Since we've had our son it's gotten better, because I am MOM of the house...but it's not altogether there.