Minihag visiting for C-section.......
I know this can be a hot-button issue amongst SMs with skids being invited to the birth etc... I'm having a planned C-section on a Monday. I would like someone to either smack me and tell me to get a grip or tell me how I can tactfully handle the situation I'm in.
The visitation should have the minihag here with us the weekends of the 11th and 25th this month. However, the seahag wants us to have her the 18th because she has plans. SO has already agreed to this because he doesn't work. That is the weekend before my C-section. Is it wrong that I don't want her anywhere near me that weekend. It's our last weekend as a threesome in my household and I want to relax, get rest, spend time with my SO and our DS before the new baby arrives. I understand that SO wants her to be around because he loves her as much as I love my DS but I am having a difficult time because he is ALWAYS using our family time that I've mapped out in order to do this. He wants to spend time with her, so he takes time that he knows I'm looking forward to with him and DS to do this.
Last weekend we had her and her hag of a mother sent her over SICK. That was not the issue - the issue was that we were not made aware of this ahead of time, she wasn't to the dr and had no antibiotic or even otc cold medicine. SO took her with him Saturday to his sport and so I wasn't really aware of her until Saturday night where she's huddled up on my sofa hacking and gagging and sneezing...all whilst still having picked up and handled my one year old. I have a real problem with her being sent over sick, SO not being aware, and then getting dealt a sick one-year-old because of it. DS would have been kept away from her if we had known, but she wouldn't admit that she'd been sick for DAYS until Saturday evening when I finally said "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" I don't like to medicate my DS, but Sunday night he got maybe 2 hours of sleep, so we had to get some cough/cold and Tylenol. The stuff just makes him lethargic and not himself. I effing hate that. So - truly, who knows how she'll be sent over next time. The hag had a date, so obviously that came first. She even asked us to keep her until Monday. Guess that guy decided to take a swim in her gaping maw.
Anyway - Do I make it clear to SO what is bothering me and why or am I out of line? I feel like I deserve this time with MY family before DS's world is rocked by a new baby. (Yes, I know that the minihag is SO's family.) I want the three of us to have a great weekend and I want one last mommy-date with my son before I add a new one.
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IF you are saying that you
IF you are saying that you are going to have her the 18th INSTEAD of the 25th. I'd roll with it. If you're talking in addition to?? that's another story I guess.
I'd rather pay my dues PRIOR to baby being born and have a mini hag free life for 3 weeks AFTER baby is born, but that's just me.
Yep, this is what I'd
Yep, this is what I'd suggest.
If it's IN ADDITION then HELL NO.
I understand what your
I understand what your feeling.
SO however should love all his kids equally. For him, Family Time is all his family. I don't think any good would come from telling him for you Family Time does not include his other child.
Wishing you a speedy recovery from the c-section. I had one as well.
I agree with the last few
I agree with the last few posters. While your SD is not your family, she is DH's family and she is your son's sister. I'm guessing that if your DH told you that he wanted to have "family time" with SD and exclude you and your DS, that you would be hurt by that. Requesting that she not be there might upset your DH, even further deteriorating your last weekend before the baby arrives.
Best of luck with your surgery and congrats on the new baby!
I had a feeling I was
I had a feeling I was treading in some sharky territories with this one as far as SO is concerned. I do romanticize it because I work a lot and don't have a lot of time with my little one, he's in day care almost as much as he's at home. I guess I need to get over myself and just focus on what's coming. It'll likely be two weekends in a row at that point, but at that point I'll be wrapped up with the new one and won't have time to worry about it.
I'm being selfish right now and it's not fair to SO. I just feel like a lot of the time I have to throw away what I thought my life was going to look like and accept it for what it is. It's becoming a huge pill to swallow, but that was my choice.
We got her Friday night -
We got her Friday night - she'd been holding/touching/playing whatever with him from then on - his fever, cough, nose issues started Sunday night. I don't even care that she was sick - not in a mean way, I don't wish her to not feel well and I wouldn't have barred her from coming - I'm just annoyed that it was a huge secret just so that her mother didn't have to keep her home. SO would've worked out something to switch with her for the weekend, she just didn't want to because of her plans. And yes - I know that parents don't get time off when kids are sick, but the girl didn't really want to be with us - she was sick, she wanted her own bed and cat and all that stuff that she's used to. When DS gets sick it's usually an ear infection and with the threat of tubes looming over my head, I'm just immediately all over it when all that starts.
But your son is in day care.
But your son is in day care. He could have caught something from one of the other kids in the center.
I had my baby in August. I
I had my baby in August. I did not put my foot down about the stepkids being in the birthing room and it was a disaster. SD13 held the baby first and SD15 threw a FIT. A HISSY FIT> like had to be removed from the hospital and taken away by her father to McDonald's across the street as she was showing her ass in front of the doctor and nurses. So here it is, my special moment of birthing my baby, my last baby since I'm 39 and it's supposed to be this special bonding moment blended family crap and no its just stepfamily drama crap that ruined the memories and birth of my baby. Do what I should have done and STAND YOUR GROUND.
Yeah I understand your need
Yeah I understand your need to have some "Yall" time before baby. My bundle is due the first week of June and I've made it very clear that SS3 will not be there. A hospital is no place for a child especially a preschooler who will take one look at the baby then want to get into everything else around. It's unclear whether DH will have SS for that week or not as BM picks when she wants the summer schedule to start, but either way he'll be with her babysitter or with our babysitter.