Probably never unless someone clues them in. How old are they?

I'd never say anything to a 5 year old - but a 25 year old I would have said something to years earlier.

My ss doesn't talk about his Bm much. It seems to me that girls would be worst about talking about their moms. I think to its a matter of respect some kids do it just to piss the sp off. So never let her know if you don't like it.

DH told his 6 year daughter old to stop and she did..she only tells us what new toy they bought her that week (its the way of winning her over with material things)

Idk-i actually banned my ss from talking about bm and things up there when he was about 7. It was because he was doing it in a mean spirited way towards my children as in-"I got this or that at my bm's" "Or we are going to have more fun that you will this weekend"-dumb stuff, really that I dont necessarily think bothered my kids, but I wasnt comfortable with ss behaving in a way to try and hurt others-so I banned him and told him why I was banning him. He did seem to grow out of not too long after that and if he shared something appropriate then I never particularly minded.

However, had to ban him again at age 9 or so because he liked ot make up storeis. Apparently bm banned him from talking about us as well-at least according to him. He would tell her things we supposedly said about her (taken out of context), he would outright make up things she said or did to him to make us feel sorry for him.

It if was just appropriate chatter about something that occurred or what not I never cared and would not ban a child from that.

When my SD was 5-7, she had this nasty habit of bringing up her BM (Nasty) All. The. Time. when we were out doing things together. MIL suggested that I say "That's nice SD, but you & I are spending time together now & I want it to be special for you and me. If you would prefer to talk to your BM then I can drop you off at you home & you can try to call her." I said it ONE time and ONE time only...it worked wonders! She said "No, I want to keep shopping!!!" & we left it at that.

She then of course started flapping her gums about Nasty when we were baking anything or cooking. I told her ONE time & ONE time only that SS & I would continue spending time together in the kitchen but that she was more than welcome to go call her BM if she needed to talk to her. Again, she said "NO! I want to help make cupcakes!" & that was the end of her "BM" stories.

Thank you MIL!!! MIL, BTW hates Nasty about as much as I do

Also, bearing in mind that Nasty has no involvement with her children. They live full time with SO & I. They see her for a week or so during the summer & that's it. They're lucky to get phone calls or skype sessions that last more than 3 minutes between the two Skids, so it may be different for kids that see their BM/BD more often.

As soon as they realized it did not get a response from us they stopped talking about BM. SS19 asked DH recently if he'd spoken to BM and DH said he had not, not in a long, long, time. My guess was that SS wanted DH to pave the way for him with his mother? There was an ulterior motive there somewhere, call me cynical if you like

Never, I still talk about both my parents to the other it'd now be 31 years since they divorced. It's not like I'm oh well mom said this, or dad says that or dad and SM bought xyz. More "mom helped me get my books for school this semester, I really just need uniform boots" (when asked what I need for school) or we're doing this holiday at xyz time on xyz day at dads so would qrs work for you mom?"
When my dad was going through throat cancer I kept my mom informed because she cared that my dad was seriously ill, I'm the oldest and only kid in town and she knew it was rough on me and my SM.
My mom helped me take my kids to europe last summer, my dad and SM heard all about it. I try to be sensitive to my SM when mentioning my mom, I'm still to this day afraid if I say "my mom" about anything she will freak, but I also know I can just walk away from her response, and maybe after 30 years she's realized there's nothing to be so damn jealous of.
We let SO's kids and mine say what they need to about their other parent only time we say anything is if they are trying to affect things in our home, like BM telling her dd we can't have cats she's allergic to flea bites, we explained that one of my cats is also allergic to flea bites so they and the house are regularly treated so they don't get fleas that if BM chooses to get rid of her cats at her house that's her choice we instead choose to take care of them. My ex doesn't so much try and influence my home he knows better lol.

My adult SS has never once mentioned BM - ever.

But probably because he knows that I would be more than happy to join in the conversation about her but what I would have to say would not be pretty.

My SS has crossed the line a few times about saying inappropriate things so I would not hold back one thing about his trashy whore mother. The one who is now "Mrs. Holier than Thou Church Lady".

My older SD doesn't talk about the BM that much but my younger two are pretty constant. Like hismineandours said, I don't say much about this behavior normally but I DO put an end to it when it's mean-spirited. For example, my SS9 was in this really bad habit of COMPARING us to his BM - as in "my mom's kitchen is way better than this one". Took everything I had not to point out to him that his mom doesn't have her own kitchen because she still lives with her parents RENT FREE so it is actually BM's parents' kitchen. I still don't know how I managed to bite my tongue on that fact, but what I DID say was "I'm sure your mom really likes her kitchen and I really like my kitchen - so there is no need to make comparisons."

I thought that would be the end of it but then - on our wedding day - SS9 said "my mom's wedding is going to be way fancier than this one". Again, I said "your mom will have the wedding she wants to have and this is the wedding I wanted to have - so everyone is happy". And again I held my tongue when his mom went to the courthouse WITHOUT ANY OF HER KIDS to marry her new husband.

Dear lord, now I'm pissed all over again.

Daysleeper - how old are your skids?

my 16yo SD-to-be rarely brings up her mom. and if she does it is usually cuz BM pissed her off. and she is doing the teen - complaining about her thing. LOL

I like the response from tangiell. My SD6 is always talking about how great her BM is and all the stuff they do. And now BM has another daughter which SD calls sissy. It's never ending. When in reality the BM is a piece of crap.

NEVER!!!!

Upon pick up all I hear is..."my Mom did this, my Mom did that.." it lasts until mid day on Sat. Then it starts up lunch time on Sunday. I've been around 7 years. It pisses me off but I just smile through it all. Usually my DH tells them that we want to hear about THEIR days, not their Mom's days. They get the hint. The younger boy is 9 and I swear he lives up his Mom's butt. He is the town crier and we hear about EVERYTHING Mom does. Makes for some hilarious moments. We know that he probably does the same thing after spending time with us so we tend to be careful about what we do and say around him. The older boy told us that when SS9 talks about us at home his Mom yells at him to shut up and she doesn't want to hear about us. LOL

I once took the tact that it was rude to talk about someone not present and that we wouldn't want to be rude about Mom. They looked at me like I had three heads.

In Junion High School they should be old enough to sense a lack of interest because they're getting no response. If they insist they can be told that nobody is interested. If they can't take a hint then a order with repercussions is next.

Maybe SO wants to hear this stuff......