New baby and sd issues
Ive posted before about my sd8 who long story short is a manipulative, whiney, constant entertainment needing girl who refuses to do anything for herself without pouting. We have her full time, I dread her coming home from school bc she is so needy and messy. I swear an infant requires less attention than she does. She doesnt allow my son to show me any affection without trying to push him away. She has affected our relationship and I resent her for it. She's a daddy's girl and is always sitting on him or all over him everywhere we go she even wants to be carried bc her "legs hurt." Ever since I've been pregnant she tries to be all over me too when daddys at work but it makes my skin crawl when she touches me. Partly bc her finger is up her nose more than its anywhere else and she wipes boogers all over. She gets sent to her room for it but doesnt get embarrassed or anything. Her friends at school even make fun of her for it and she doesn't care. I think at 8 years old she's too old to be acting like that and talking like a damn baby. I can't really detach bc I'm her primary caregiver since dh works a lot. When he is home I let him deal with her all the time but that's typically only in the morning and his days off. Anyway I'm pregnant and sd8 constantly talks about how she's going to take care of the baby and she refers to it as her baby. I know she will smother it since she has no friends or ever goes out to play. The only thing she enjoys doing is being up our butts and coloring. Dh mom calls sd little mommy which doesn't help. I try to laugh it off but it annoys me. I know this may sound wrong but I'm not ok with her doing much of anything with the baby, I don't want her around me let alone my newborn. I feel a bit immature for feeling this way but I want to enjoy my baby and not have her breathing down my neck and wanting to "help". I feel like I won't get to enjoy bonding with my baby because of her. I think my only saving grace is that i'm going to breastfeed so I can use that as an excuse to get away from her. Anyone gone through something similar or have any advice for when the baby comes?
Thanks for the reply- I
Thanks for the reply- I understand, I do show her basic respect, I treat her how I treat my son, she doesn't know she makes my skin crawl or that I hate her being all over me. But truly respecting her is hard, I ask her to do something as simple as put her pajamas on and I have to tell her 3 times before I finally yell at her to do it. I make dinner and every. single. night. she asks what it is and if the answer isn't mcdonalds or chicken nuggets she sits on the couch pouting, mumbling under her breath and kicking stuff until she gets sent to her room. She pulls stuff like that and then 5 mins later wants to be lovey dovey because she wants something and the second it doesn't work out for her the fit throwing starts again. I know she doesn't like me, the reason she wants to be sitting by me or follwing me around is because she doesn't want my son having any attention, I know because when he's at his friend's house or out playing she backs off. For some reason it's worse now that I'm pregnant. It's also the reason she's all over dh. He said when I'm not here she's not like that. It's hard to respect a manipulative child like that, especially one that is hurtful to my child. I probably am hormonal and over thinking the baby situation but I don't see her being any real help since she "can't" even wipe her own ass lol. Thanks for letting me vent, I feel better
My SD was 6 when BS was born.
My SD was 6 when BS was born. She had all these grand ideas of her doing whatever she wanted with the baby, and him basically being her living doll. I had to put very clear and firm boundaries up from the very start.
She was able to hold him for a few minutes at a time, when I said she could, sitting on the couch, after washing her hands.
She was never allowed to pick him up or carry him around.
She could help chose an outfit, but she was not allowed to change him. Wasn't allowed to push the stroller. Dh and I were the parents, and she was a child, period. My baby was not a toy for her enjoyment.
I breastfed too, so that helped a lot.
She of coarse tried to break the rules whenever I wasn't there and Dh was in charge. It only took a few incidences before Dh got 100% behind protecting BS from SD. She took an old bottle of breast milk from the side of the sink (waiting to be washed from the day before) and tried to quickly feed him with Dh was in the bathroom. Luckily BS wouldnt take it from her and Dh caught her in time. Another time she was trying to pick him up out of the crib and completely broke the dropside of the crib from leaning over it so hard. Luckily BS was not hurt in that incident either.
I am due again in two weeks. Even though skids are now 9 and 10, the same rules will apply. I am not risking my child's health and safety so that they can play babysitter/mommy.
Just he very clear up front to Dh and SD (and BS) what will be allowed and what won't he tolerated.
I sort of went through that.
I sort of went through that. I knew I was going to breastfeed and still am. It's the beat time for the baby and u. My SD isn't clingy so much but I didn't want her to be around my child so breast feeding helped. Lol. I would go to my room even and close the door. The baby loves that time with u!
Thanks for the replies!
Thanks for the replies! That's exactly what she thinks, that the baby is going to be her doll to play with. I talked to dh about rules that we'll have last night and thankfully he's very supportive. I'll just see clear boundaries and I think that will make me feel a lot more comfortable. I like the idea of going to the bedroom and shutting the door for feedings. That will be a nice getaway. Dh also said he'll take a month off work to help control sd and give me alone time.
wow this is exactly why i'm
wow this is exactly why i'm afraid to have a baby with DH, we have sd7 that acts the same way for the most part but as long as she can eliminate me from the picture then she is happy, she is not lovey dovey on me..lol But she always has to be center of attention so I'm scared to bring a baby into the picture and have he or she feel left out when they are older or always getting pushed aside for SD7.
Yeah I'm worried about that
Yeah I'm worried about that too. I'm sure it's just going to add to my resentment towards her
I'll be honest, I HATE my SD
I'll be honest, I HATE my SD being around my new born! I don't want her talking to him or even looking at him! My SO tries to involve her in talking to the baby but I try to get him and use the excuse he needs to feed. Lol. If he cries and she is near she will go and talk to him but I stop what i'm doing and get him really QUICK! She has manipulated me so much I don't like her and can't stand her and I don't need her around to soothe my child. Horrible huh? I hate feeling that way about her. Stressful. But...she caused it on her own when I tried so hard to over look her Shit she pulled numerous times.
So breastfeeding helps alot!
So breastfeeding helps alot! Which I wouldn't have any other way regardless but in this situation, it really helps!
Thanks! The support here is
Thanks! The support here is amazing. I feel the same way.. She's not a total monster but she's incredibly manipulative too. I know I will be the same as you as far as trying to keep my baby away from her as much as possible. I dont want her help, I don't want her to be anywhere near my baby and I certainly dont want my child turning out anything like her! Sounds awful but it's how I feel. Im sick of her manipulating everyone and trying to come between me and my bs any time she has a chance. It's good to know I'm not alone in feeling this way!