SD Baby Shower, Not Included in the Thank You

My SD23's baby shower finally came and went but of course I was ignored in the public thanking of the present like her last baby shower. Why I made myself go thru it again was so that my DH could see that no matter what I do she continues to ignore that I am part of their life after 12 years. She also didn't thank her stepdad which everyone knows is the kindest man. I made sure to let my DH know that I noticed what she did and reminded him that she had done the same thing at her first. He responded with the comment, "So your feelings are hurt." He never said that was wrong of her to exclude me and her stepdad. Not sure if step daughter will have anymore kids or parties but I sure will no longer go. I'm ready to disengage. I am always a happy person but I want to show my DH that you cannot allow someone to treat me like this and for me to continue to be the same with him. After 12 years I've had enough and I've allowed it. I'm ready to move on. Thank you for letting me vent!!

SmelltheRoses's blog
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After 12 years

Why would you not disengage? She will only miss the ATM. You will feel better after totally disengaging

Well, at least she did it to

Well, at least she did it to the stepdad, too, so it's not personal.

Sounds like it was her 2nd

Sounds like it was her 2nd baby shower. I believe most people just have one anyway for the first baby. Having a 2nd sometimes makes people feel it is just a gift grab.

After that many years of SD being rude to you, I'd disengage from her also.

They all feel like gift grabs

They all feel like gift grabs to me. Why do your friends and family have to buy your baby stuff? Buy it yourself.

If people WANT to give you a gift, they will. Summoning people to come to a party just to give you gifts is just wrong, IMO. Same with wedding showers. I have to buy you a shower gift AND a wedding gift?

Disengage without another

Disengage without another thought... or any guilt. Don't ever let your husband make you feel bad about it. He's fine with his daughter being rude, he can be fine with you disengaging.

You did 12 years' hard time..

You did 12 years' hard time...time to pardon yourself!!!!!

When my SD got married, she suddenly liked me for exactly a year leading up to that shit show. I did so much crap work for her wedding while her parents did nothing. When time to take wedding photos came around, I was not in them. When the thank yous came around, I was not mentioned. Mom was. Dad was. The fricking janitor at the venue was thanked. But the person who addressed hundreds of invitations, arranged the centerpieces, made all the other flowers, bought the balloons, made directional signs, administered first aid to the bride's grandmother when she fell in the parking lot...blah, blah, blah...yea...that person was me and that person was ignored.

After that blessed event, I disengaged.

Over the years, I'd been screamed at by SD, marginalized, ignored, insulted, slighted, manipulated. I thought her wedding could be a new start for us and I gave it my all. It was a chance to show her bygones could be bygones in my book, no matter how bad she'd been in the past. But within a few months after her wedding, SD went right back to her bullshit of ignoring me, sending greeting cards addressed only to her dad as if I don't even exist...the same shitty treatment I'd always gotten.

SmelltheRoses, do yourself a favor and disengage. You gave it a try, A 12-YEAR TRY!!!, but you had shit to work with in this kid. No one will blame you for throwing up your hands and quitting except your spouse, and his opinion doesn't matter. Move into "self preservation" mode and start doing what feels good to you. Totally disregard their needs or feelings. Trust me, they will be fine. My husband is off to see Princess without me today for a lovely lunch in this beautiful weather.

Yea...they won't miss you at all when you disengage, so do it. Pull that plug!