How do you think it makes SD feel??
Forums:
I don't know if DH realizes what he is doing but for the past 3 days he has been nothing but rude to BD13 - it is everything she does and says....Her pants are too tight; she spends too much time on her laptop; she does this she does that!
**In the past I found myself doing that about SD15 - Everytime I opened my mouth it was to complain about SD being lazy or with too many boys....yada yada. DH told me it was rude and confronted me about it; which I guess I could see. So, you would "think" he would notice that he is now doing it.
Everytime he starts to talk to BD she says...."What am I doing now?"
Tips on how to bring this up w/o causing a war??
Sounds like he may be getting
Sounds like he may be getting back at you.....I think them DH's all do that a bit....
But, it also sounds like your daughter is handling him in the way our daughters do with their step dads....
I say let him do it....
Only bc, she seems to be handling it...
bc, she may have been w/o a dad for a significant time, like mine, and this 'pruning' from a significant male figure will actually help her confidence etc...
however, if he is really picking on her and its eroding her confidence and upsetting her...In private, just tell him to go easy...cos 'she has her period'
that will shut him up!!!
I can't imagine that constant
I can't imagine that constant criticism from any angle is "good" for a person. I would advise that if it continues and truly seems to be an issue (the 'what am I doing now' comment is a very good indication that it is in fact bothering BD13, and would also indicate that she feels she is under constant scrutiny by her SD) then it is definitely something that should be addressed.
I have had a similar situation with my BD14 and DH. He was quick to point out her flaws repeatedly and I know it sounds simple in theory, but I just sat him down and told him that what he was doing was hurtful and he needed to find another approach to addressing his concerns. Our solution was that if he has a concern with BD13 that isn't an urgent matter (i.e. she isn't doing something stupidly dangerous right in front of him) then he needs to take that up with ME, and not her. So far, it's working very well for us.
Either way, good luck!
You both are only hurting the
You both are only hurting the kids..
No one wants to be talked to like that..
You and DH need to learn to communicate to the kids better..
A message gets across or goes no where in the way
we express it..
thnks......I don't think we
thnks......I don't think we are hurting the kids...but I could see how that came across like that. I never did it infront of my SD; I was just concerned that DH wasn't "paying attention" to SD bad behavior......sneaking out, wearing slutty clothes, sleeping w/ boys; I really didn't have a nice thing to say.
With SD it's diff because for 1 she thinks he is her bio dad and for 2 she has severe OCD and depression. So I am not sure why he is doing this? I would never degrade my children like that - I think it is very important for children to know who they are and give it right back to people who deserve it. My DH just gets so defensive; if it happens again tonight I will speak up - hopefully w/o negative reaction!! I appreciate the responses!!