SD got arrested for Underage Drinking.
Hello all......I haven't been on this site in months; reasons are a little bit of this and a little bit of that. I had decided to dump my heart into the family and see if it was ME that was just being a mean step-mom and poor princess SD15. For those of you who recall; my SD15 has lived with us for 3 years. I have 3 bios. Dad and I have been together for 13 years.
Over the past 4 months SD has stolen from me, lied to everyone, stole from stores and has even had sex in our home. ( I put her on the shot). During this time I have never lost my temper or done to her what I would have done to my bios......(they would have gotten severe punishment). I have spent a lot of time crying and thinking about leaving my happy family because of her. Sorry, but true. And I am over making excuses for her due to her mother not being in her life. I also had an absent mother and NEVER treated anyone like this - for sure, not family that loved me.
Long story short; this past week, she stole yet again from me - one of my purses. In it, was stolen makeup from a store. BD did bring her back home and ground her. The following day we found out that she had been arrested for public drunkeness and gave the officer wrong information. WE now have to go in front of a judge for her.
After the fact; I have not recieved one apology; she had her TV taken away and all electronics. Three days into this; BD has let her watch TV in the living room; like she owns the house again! And she even has enough guts to walk around like nothing ever happend. We are taking a family trip soon and I am not sure I want to go.........
help!!
i hear you loud and clear, Im
i hear you loud and clear, Im afraid I will be in the same place as you in a few years, my SD is 12 and following all the steps to act like your SD very soon. my hubby is permissive and not consistent and does not give the right consequences for SD's actions. I'm probably not in the right place to give YOU advice because i feel the same.
the girl does anything and everything, lies ,steals, disobey, disrespects, talks back, etc and nothing ever happens to her...it is so frustrating..i always wonder what will happen with more serious things like your situation...i guess the same stuff, daddy will do some attempts at education and get tired or forget :?
It is crazy making….
Yep-in the same boat. Only
Yep-in the same boat. Only my ss14 doesnt really go anywhere or get too many opportunities-he really doesnt have any friends and I am not willing to take him anywhere so if he cant get there on his own two feet he's not going and since we live in a rural community-it doesnt give him a whole lot of options. I figure that it is the one thing that keeps him out of major trouble.
My dh does get mad at ss, is willing to ground him, but is soooo terrible on the followup. He would do somethign like take the tv out of his room (he has) and then tell him he's grounded to his room for a week, but then never stay upstairs to make sure he doesnt come out of his room. Well, what's the point? After a while it becomes sort of a game for ss-how many times can I com out of my room before I get caught?
Can you deliver a consequence? That's what I have found I have to do. SS LOVES to eat. I am the one who does the grocery shopping-I buy him nothing to snack on. I'm the one who does the laundry-he disrespects me I dont do his laundry. He leaves his crap on my living room floor-his crap goes in the trash. You want to go somewhere? oops, sorry not in my car. You're watching tv in MY living room-oops sorry I feel like some peace and quiet.
I would mandate to DH that SD
I would mandate to DH that SD receives individual counseling and you two get marriage counseling, or you and your bios are out. This isn't a healthy environment for them. And hopefully the authorities will be able to make DH get parenting classes. He seriously needs a kick in the a$$, even more than SD.
Not even apologizing... I
Not even apologizing... I think that is the worst. I never received an apology from SD19. Oh, I take that back, she called when BM kicked her out last year (first time she has EVER called me) and said, "I'm sorry, I was just a dumb kid." And that was it. Seriously, after all the lying, stealing, cheating, disrespect, and pure hateful behavior, that's all she's got? And only because she was getting the boot? Doesn't count with me!
hbell- its good to see you
hbell- its good to see you here again (not under these circumstances though). I am sorry this happened, but I guess by now you realized it was never you and always her.
Now that she has done something even worse than ever before, her father is still letting her get away with all of it and nothing will be done to straighten her out.
I know that feeling when you come to the realization that you may actually have to move on. I'm sorry for that. It takes some grieving time for it to seep in and get used to it all.
At this point your only option is to put your foot down and say YOU'VE had enough. If HE wants to let her walk all over him and take advantage of him that is fine. YOU, however, will not be treated badly in your own home and you will now take action to protect yourself. I suppose either you have to move, or make them leave. Whichever is more realistic for you right now.
I would also point out to him that the reason why she continues this is he has absolutely no follow through and you will no longer be part of her drama. She's a brick weighing you down. Untie her and her father. I'm not saying end your marriage, but you need to be out of that situation until he wants to handle her or until he wants to give up on her.
If she is in your family, it
If she is in your family, it is not a happy family.
Please get on it now---we are
Please get on it now---we are dealing with a 19 yo alcoholic that started out at 14-15 drinking and smoking pot. His mother did NOTHING and hid the problem from DH.
Wish BM had read this (she had custody and DH didn't even get visitation - he had to go see him)
http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Your-Out-Control-Teenager/dp/0312266294
Thank you all!! I appreciate
Thank you all!! I appreciate the responses.......it is to the point now that I can hardly open my mouth when talking to her because I am so Pissed!! I have even started to drink more in the evenings...
she is seeing someone; but she probably just lies to her too. I am just so disappointed that she is acting this way. If it were up to me the punishment would be much worse; IF it were up to me.
I am at a lose for words w/ this whole situation; which doesn't happen much; I love my DH so very much; but she is killing me. Do I let her?
My bios see what she is doing my BD13 can't believe the stuff she gets away with and KNOWS how I would deal w/ it/we talk about it a lot and she sees that SD is WRONG!! she is now afraid to stay at home w/ her.
SD "told" on me for talking about her situation with one of my friends.....LOL! can you believe it!!
She txt him and said "I would appreciate it if SHE didn't talk about me outside my door"
Instead of telling her to shut her mouth and that I can do whatever I want IN MY HOUSE; he chose to tell me I was rude!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am hurting......