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UK SM new to the forum - vile teenage SD

Kes's picture

Hi everyone. I'm Kes from the UK - I gather a lot of members are from the USA. Don't suppose that matters at all - step children issues are probably world wide! I have two BDs aged 28 and 26, who never gave me sleepless nights as teenagers - the odd episode of drunkenness but that is a rite of passage, I suppose. They are both delightful now, and I have a 6 mth old grandson.
I left my first husband in 2003 and moved in with my partner who has now become my 2nd husband. He has 2 daughters aged 16 and 14, who were 7 & 5 when I met them. For our sins, we get them for the weekend once a fortnight.
I get on reasonably OK with the elder girl although we are not close, but the younger one has always been a complete nightmare. She has done things like wipe her nose on my clothes, steal things, recently including alcohol, (so we keep it locked up now) get drunk the week before my mum died, a year ago, and throw up all over my living room (that was before we locked up the drink) and other things too unspeakable to mention.

Her mother - the BM in forum-speak, I gather, basically has narcissistic personality disorder and has done so much to make our lives a misery over the last 9 years that I hesitate to mention any of it - I'm sure you've all heard it all before. I think the worst thing was attempting to sabotage wedding day - thankfully she did not succeed.

Myself - I suffer from depression, and am in recovery from an 11 year addiction to prescription meds. Coming off these things, as you may imagine, has not been the easiest while dealing with the SD and BM issues. The depression is not bad at the moment.
My biggest fear is that one of the SDs will want to come and live with us. I KNOW I could not maintain my recovery from addiction if this were to happen. I worry a lot about my DH asking if this can happen and me having to say "NO" either she doesn't come or I leave. Heaven knows where I'd go. It's probably fairly unlikely but I still worry. That's most of it - in a nutshell. I look forward to getting to know some of you and sharing stories and support.

Totalybogus's picture

Welcome to the board Kes.

Is them coming to live with you a foreseeable instance? Has there been talk of this?

Kes's picture

About 18 mths ago SD14 was going through a really bad spell which lasted about a year, and in the autumn of 2009 there was a serious threat of this happening. She was doing terribly in school, bunking off and not doing any work, fighting with her BM - said she wanted to come and live with us.
She refused to go home one night after school and went to a friend's house. DH and I picked her up from there and forcibly took her back to BM's. DH told her that for the forseeable future she would live with BM and she seemed to accept this. However, BM is such a very difficult person that I can forsee that at some point she might insist SD comes to live with us - and I am not sure that DH would stand up to her and say no. Although he knows I am somewhat fragile - I think it would be up to me to say "her or me". I hate the thought of this more than anything. I really don't think my sanity or sobriety could survive her living with us.

Kes's picture

Thanks for that. I am trying to rebuild my life after a difficult decade, and don't know if I could survive the SD coming to live with us. When I was much iller than I am now, I was much less assertive, and would probably have put up less of a fight about one of the girls moving in with us. However, now I would put up a big one! And although I have nowhere else to go, I would either move out and/or be prepared to fight dirty in order to prevent this happening. I can imagine DH saying like your exbf did that he couldn't bear her living on the streets. Thanks for your thoughts, Mustang.