Would you do it? Open Pandora's box?

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OK- from my earlier post, BM is getting a divorce, her DH is leaving her with nothing... yadda yadda yadda.

This weekend is SD's first game (she dances for the poms team that I coach). I know BM doesn't have a car. I know it would mean alot to SD if her mom were there... Should I open Pandora's box and offer to help her, THIS ONE TIME?!

I'm so conflicted here. I am thinking the more accomodating we are thru this divorce, the more reasonable she will be...

Or it could backfire and make her expect more from us.

Help?!

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Sooo found this out last night: Guess who BM called to take her to the game? Not HER mom, or HER dad, or HER sister, or HER friends... MY SIL!! It doesn't even bother me, because it's so pathetic (plus I'm not too fond of that particular SIL anyway). Move on, loser.

I hate to sound so jaded and

I hate to sound so jaded and cynical....but if I knew then what I know now about opening Pandora's Box, I would have duct taped the hell out of it and thru it out in the woods to never be opened!

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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

Personally, if it was me, I

Personally, if it was me, I would do it for my SD but I get along ok with my SK's BM...Of course, BM has a car so this has never been an issue for us...My general rule is if it's good/healthy/beneficial for the kids and I feel good/peaceful about doing it and not put upon-I do it.

Ascoolasiam

But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous

I'm in this camp. I would do

I'm in this camp. I would do it. It might set the tone for a more cooperative peaceful future. In the future if requests are made that you can't or aren't inclined to accommodate you can always say no.

"The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change, So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding, and love." -Jennifer Edwards

I wouldn't. Not to be a

I wouldn't. Not to be a jerk, but I think people should take responsibility for themselves. Doesn't she have friends / family that could bring her? If I thought like that Wingnut would have my DH go with her to the hospital for her "emergency" surgery (she said it was emergency 9 weeks ago and still hasn't had it done) because she has no family near here. AND she'd have me babysitting their kid while he did it. BM isn't your problem. I understand you want to make SD happy. And I'd be torn about that part, but BM needs to reap what she sows a little too. I just think that if you give and do this, she'll expect so much from you in the future. SOOO if you think you're strong enough to tell her NO down the line even if it will disappoint SD then go ahead, but if you think that you may cave under the guise of "its what is best for SD" more than once, I'd stop it here. Trust me when I say this - being accommodating GUARANTEES NOTHING for how she'll behave. She will behave how she will behave no matter what you do. So do whatever you're comfortable with but do it for you not SD or BM.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

I think you just helped me

I think you just helped me make up my mind. Because you are right, the minute she doesn't get her way, she will be a bitch again. And her dad/stepmom live in our neighborhood. She can get a ride if she really wants to.

Good job soverysad!

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~

Exactly. You give an inch,

Exactly. You give an inch, she'll want a mile and next thing you know she'll be living in your guest room and sharing tampons!

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

LMAO, why did my hubby and I

LMAO, why did my hubby and I joke about the VERY same thing last night? We joked about letting her move into his "man cave" aka the den. We laughed so hard we cried.

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~

Get your own tampons bitch!

Get your own tampons bitch! Oh goodness me Soverysad...LMAO!!!!

I am pretty sure Wingnut

I am pretty sure Wingnut thinks we'll all live happily ever after together someday. After I had an emergency c-section, she called to say she needed an emergency hysterectomy. Yeh, don't care.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

I absolutely would NOT bring

I absolutely would NOT bring BM. No way, not in my case.
Our BM can get a ride to every bar in the tri-state area when she wants to.
She could get a ride from somebody else to attend her daughter's function - IF she would even bother.

**my stepdaughters did not grow in my tummy, they grew in my heart**

ITA!! Same in my situation!

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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

Are you at egg-borrowing

Are you at egg-borrowing status?

Its a risk but what is really the risk? is she going to slash your tires? expect more rides? ask for more eggs?

LMMFAO!!!! HELL NO!! I can't

LMMFAO!!!!

HELL NO!! I can't believe you remembered that!

It's a risk because she will see that as an open door for more favors, etc, eliminating the boundaries I have worked so hard to get up.

Ex: I can see her eventually calling my hubby and asking for a ride to work, because "If she can't work she can't provide for SD."

You get me?

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~

I've got a memory like an

I've got a memory like an elephant honey...lol

Eh...if it were me I would do it. But DH would be doing the telling and he would stress to BM that this is an exception. Maybe not then but if it got out of hand he would. I guess the real question is...can he tell her no? even if it means a possible confrontation?

I'm all being amicable and even friendly with Xs but not at the expense of confusing the children with >are my parents going to get back together?< dream that most children of split parents have. ...even when the parents have obviously moved on.

LMAO - Egg borrowing status

LMAO - Egg borrowing status - I remember that! That was HILARIOUS!

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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

moved up the chain as a

moved up the chain as a reply.

I am pretty sure that SD is

I am pretty sure that SD is under absolutely no illusion of her parents ever getting back together. She is only 9, and I have been with DH nearly 6 years now. I don't think she can remember them ever BEING together, ya know?

I just thought about it a little harder, and I agree with most of the people above. She has friends and some family she can lean on. My husband and I will NOT be "Captain Save-a-hoe."

She needs to turn to them in her time of need. Not us. Because it will probably never end. He can put his foot down, and he would never even THINK about suggesting helping her out, unless it was my idea.

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~

Good call TheWife. Until you

Good call TheWife. Until you know that BM really exhausted all geniune efforts to take care of things on her end its a wise choice you have made.

I admire you for your kind heart towards BM. I also commend you for laying the boundaries down as well.

Leave that box tightly

Leave that box tightly closed. Buy her a round trip bus ticket.

Then if she does not show TOH. (That's On Her)

Good luck and best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

I agree with others -- DON'T

I agree with others -- DON'T open the box.

Unfortunately, if you are dealing with someone who has no boundaries, she will not take a favor from you in the way you'd like her to take it -- with thanks and respect. She will see it as an opening to get as much as she can from you guys.

We have a BM that used to call us/DH all the time for "favors." I put "favors" in quotes because if you ask someone a favor and get angry if they say no, you weren't asking for a favor, you were demanding to be served. She would ask for all sorts of sh*t, and when DH refused, she would get outraged because it was "for the children!!!" Well, no, it wasn't. But since she lives with the children, she would always make stupid arguments, because of course anything that affects her potentially affects the kids in some way. If you refuse to walk her dog, that means that the poor CHILDREN have to do it! If you refuse to pick up groceries for her while you're at the store the poor CHILDREN will go hungry!!! Give me an f'in break.

Not worth it to do favors for anyone who can't recognize them for being just that -- a favor. Not a binding contract, and something that should be appreciated but not expected. This is not a good road to go down with someone who doesn't know the proper boundaries.

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

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Would you do it? Open Pandora's box?