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Update on my brother's stepfamily...Niece knows now!

stepuncle6's picture

Submitted by stepuncle6 on Wed, 06/25/2014 - 11:49am

I want to thanks everyone for their thoughts on this topic. It's been a major sore spot for our family and very contentious (sp?) I appreciate all the opinions from everyone (except for one in the beginning which I thought was totally unfair to my niece.)

Now for the update and it's not good....

My Mom was celebrating her birthday at a restaurant and all the grandkids was there (even the little girl from my brother's wife). My niece was nice to her and was polite to her. My parents and me told her ahead of time that she would be there and that she is innocent and not to take it out on her what her dad did, which my niece agreed and understood.
Well during the dinner, the little step-granddaughter went up to my mom and said something that really shouldnt have been said in that situation. Can't blame her since she doesn't know better. She went up to my mom and said so you happy you're having another grandbaby? That was within earshot of my niece. That point on...my niece shutdown and had to leave for a bit from the party. After the dinner party she called me and asked how long I knew and i told her the truth which was the last two months. I had to tell her that my brothers stepdaughter and the unborn baby are not to blame and not to take it out on them.

I talked to my brother and he wasn't totally happy because he wanted to talk to her alone and try to get her to be part of the family. Forget just trying to reconcile a relationship between father and daughter but trying to get her to accept his new family. Again I told him that it's not gonna happen the way he wants it. I also warned him that eventually someone will tell his son the truth and that's another pandora's box that you don't want open.

I'm to the point of giving up. I will love and support my niece and nephew and help them anyway I can. I will love my brother and respect his spouse (but nothing beyond that), the step-niece and new baby I will love and support because they're innocent. But as far as my niece is concerned that relationship is strained probably permanent.

Leaving it up to God to help them. Beyond that...what else should I do?

PS: I know a lot of you said that my niece should continue conseling which she is with a person at home and at her college a few hours away.

Comments

Totalybogus's picture

Submitted by Totalybogus on Wed, 06/25/2014 - 12:35pm

I think your brother should have definitely told his children he was expecting another baby since his wife's daughter was in the KNOW. I would be beyond pissed too if I were your niece.

furkidsforme's picture

Submitted by furkidsforme on Wed, 06/25/2014 - 1:01pm

I hate to say it, but your niece have every right to harbor anger and resentment toward her father. While it's not ideal that she harbor it to his home-wrecking new wife- lets all be honest--- even ADULTS who experience infidelity like to play the "blame the partner" game, so why should a kid be exempt?

I think you should stop coaching this girl, who honestly seems more mature and self aware than her father, to suck it up and rejoin this monstrosity your brother calls a family. Does he really think he can walk out on his kids and start another family with no aftermath to his devastation? Your niece shouldn't be being told she should have to respect him or hide her emotions.

My dad cheated on my mother and the affair resulted in a child. I went through few years of hating them all. Now, things are better. but only because I was allowed my time to grieve and be angry, and I came around in my own due time. It seems to me you respect your spineless brothers "rights" more than your nieces, and she isn't the one who fucked everyone over, figuratively and literally.

JingerVZ's picture

Submitted by JingerVZ on Wed, 06/25/2014 - 1:10pm

My 2c:

Your niece has every right to be mad. Your brother has her find out second hand about his sordid extra marital affair and then about his baby on the way. This man has no balls and seems to delight in hurting his daughter.

If you think he wants to repair his relationship with his daughter, you are wrong, his cowardly behavior proves this. Instead of talking to his daughter, he hides things from her.

What should you do? Honestly? Stay out of it. You have already sided with your brother.... Your niece is on the outside in a family that support their son, brother and his wife who wrecked her (daughters) family.

If this were my brother I would not sit at the same table with him (whore number 1) and his wife (whore number 2).

If his daughter ever forgives him: well and good but for now, not gonna happen.

I have no time for people who fuck around (literally)

Sorry. My 2c.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Thu, 06/26/2014 - 12:19am

You can't do much else. It sounds like you did the right thing. So is your niece by getting counseling. I hope it really helps her let go of the hate even if she chooses to not get too involved with your brother and his "family."

Your brother has balls to want his dd to accept these new people and be a part of that "family." Same goes for his wife.