It sounds like maybe she is a little jealous you will be the center of attention at this party? and rightfully so! Just say, oh well we will miss you, then maybe she will decide to attend just to spite you? You don't need her to be happy.

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin

Sounds like to me like she may feel jelous,like she is not going to be the " baby" in daddys eyes.
maybe she some how feels like she is being replaced( kids think this way)

If she does those feelings are natural, and in her mind its impossible to concieve that she could maybe actually love this baby, when she see's the baby and holds the baby..it most likely will change.

I think she just has the fear of not feeling as important to Bio dad maybe, like now all the attention will not be on her, but what she does not realize is that she can play a VERY big part in this babys life growing up.

She is turning away out of hurt and worry..and although she is acting out thats ok, she is entitled to her feelings and its ok , but just know that when she see's that baby it will change because she will realize that baby is also a part of her.

I know this is not making your day any happier and you want her to be a part of this, maybe if you aproached her with...

" I can understand what your feeling and going through,and I really want you to be apart of this with me bacause I do love you and you are important to me, and I would be happy if you took part in this because after all...you are the older sister",

Give her that important role of reminder, and tell her how there will be pictures taken and you want her there so when the baby grows up it will see big sis was there to celebrate that day with you and everyone else.

Kids want to feel important, I know its hard but put your emotions of feeling slighted and hurt aside and make it all about her face to face in conversation in datail about how inportant it is that she is there and why,

She may tell you " I will think about it", if she says that its because she really wants to be there and just said those words to hurt your feelings because of her emotions of feeling not important maybe or feeling replaced in a sense.

If she says that smile and say " Ok, I understand..but you know it wont be the same without ya"...and then walk away with a smile after giving a hug!

try this and see how it works, dont get upset even though I know how important it is to you, Kids are smart and they know how to push buttons..you just got to know which ones to push back with out them even realizing what your doing!

Good luck at your baby shower and congrads on your pregnencie

" Life is like a jar or Jalapeno peppers, what you
do today could burn your a*s tomorrow."

The day I graduated with my BA we had planned a whole family day. SD was with us every weekend at that time so we didn't consult BM. Then, the week before, BM called and told SD to tell DH that BM was picking her up Fri night because her family's Christmas party was that day. SD was upset because she couldn't go. DH called BM several times asking for details of time and where so that we could perhaps have SD in the morning for the graduation, then still get her to her mom's family Christmas. BM refused to call DH back. We found out from another family member that it was in the middle of the day in a city 2 and a half hours away. So SD couldn't do both. I simply asked her to pick. Well...THAT turned into a drama in itself.

So we had an appt with the shrink. I suggested SD ask the shrink's advice. So SD told the shrink that she felt torn because she would rather go to her family Christmas than my graduation, but she was sooooo afraid of RUINING my special day by not attending, and that she hated to hurt me so terribly. By then I was onto a lot of her vying for attention games.

So I said, "Oh honey. You don't have to worry about that. I will have a wonderful day whether you decide to join us or not. My happiness comes from inside of me, and you never need feel responsible for my happiness from now on."

Well...the shrink wasn't exactly pleased. She interjected- "What Zen means to say is that she will miss you terribly, but won't be upset with you choosing to go to your family's Christmas."

I thought..."Ummmm... NO ZEN does NOT mean that at all. What Zen means is what Zen says. Because BM is always playing popularity games like this with SD, going on and on dramatically about how she would rather stay home alone if SD can't come with her because her happiness revolved around spending time with SD...

Give me a break. I will never understand how this woman can spin something around like she does and SD swallows it right down hook line and sinker.

So I think I repeated, ver batum, the Dr's words. But it was not at all convincing. Interestingly, SD was convinced and sufficiently pleased she was ruining my day by choosing BM.

Ugh.

So...from then on I told DH I'm not playing. I don't disagree with the shrink too often but I did on that one. This girl demands her ego be stroked, is DEPENDENT on it being stroked, in order to feel good about herself. And I'm not taking the bait!

Good luck with this one. My suggestion is to simply say, "Oh- Ok...No problem. I'll tell your friends you didn't want to come. If there's any cake or doorprizes LEFT, I'll see if I can bring one home for you."

I guarantee when SD hears, "CAKE" "PRIZE" "FRIENDS" coupled with your lack of attachment of her attending.... she will be begging to come. Just be careful what you wish for!!!

"Om Tare Tutare Ture Mama Ayurpunye Jnana Putin Kuru Svaha"
~Sita Tara Mantra

that you should enjoy your day and let SD know that if she chooses not to go then that is her decision and that you are sorry that she will miss out being with "family or friends"
SD can only ruin it for you if you let her!!!
dont let her
congrats to you!!!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

I KNEW it was going to be you.

Let the little brat dictate her absence. Make sure she understands that all her friends will be there and that it's "too bad she couldn't be there..."

Then nevermind her.

It's your day anyways.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

If it were me, and SD didnt want to go, I would be thrilled... WAY less DRAMA!!

sorry. I think you should have a great time this Saturday.. have fun opening gifts, being pampered and eating great food and desserts. Take this opportunity to experience your baby shower stress free!!!

I would make sure to tell her that they will be there but I wouldn't let her change her mind because of that reason. Can you call the friends and tell them that SD won't be there so they won't feel uncomfortable?

Enjoy your day!! That is what a baby shower is for anyway...not for SD but for you to enjoy the fact that YOU are having a baby!!

It will be so much fun for you. You'll be okay and you'll have a great time!!

Let us know how it all turns out!!

SD15 totally uses that to her advantage. I have four nieces, ages 17 to 12. Husband ALWAYS thought SD needed a peer to entertain her, as she was an "only" child. So he ALWAYS had either a friend or one of my nieces along for the ride. Now SD will only do something if she has a friend along and will only come to my family functions if my nieces will be there.

i had two baby showers. sd 11 invited her to the first one before we even finalized everything. i was kinda scared of how she'd act at the baby shower. she was okay, she played a lot of games. when it came to present opening time though, she always wanted to sit with her dad. we took pics with each present and she only took pics with us when it came to her present. even then, she practically sat on his lap like i wasn't in the picture. asides from that, she was fine.

second baby shower was a surprise so she didn't go. sd had dance practice anyways, she said she wanted to go afterwards.

my advice to you....let her deal with her own choice. she may want you guys to beg for her to go, don't fall for it. just tell her you want to share the special day with her and her new sibling. if she coughs attitude, whatever, life goes on...she'll get over it.

sd helped me after both showers by sorting the baby clothes...maybe you can try to include sd in that after yours so she won't feel any animosity towards the baby?

put someone in charge of making some FABULOUS gift bags and organizing some awesome activities for those young girls who will be there. Maybe they could fabric paint a onsie and sign it? Then you SD would be reminded of the great time every time your new bundle of joy wears those onsies. Yeah...I'm a bitch!

How was your shower? I hope you had a fabulous time regardless of wether or not your SD was there.

I am so glad the shower went well. Congratulations!