You are here

OT...DEALING WITH IN-LAWS!!!

SMto5's picture

Submitted by SMto5 on Fri, 09/30/2011 - 12:25am

So pissed right now!! DH's niece is having a babyshower this Sunday. The same day my best friend, since the age of 5, is having her baby shower. Also, my bestfriend has asked DH and I to be Godparents. So, I have been making baby shower plans with my friend since the day she found out she was pregnant. Now here is some background info, DH's nephew, from an other sister, just had a wedding in August. We did not attend because BM was invited. DH made it clear to everyone, he would not attend anymore family gatherings if BM was invited. Now current drama.... SIL calls DH two days ago asking if we were going to the shower. He told her we had other plans for an other shower. Then she proceeds to tell DH that BM will not be at the shower because she has to work, but his two daughters, SD20 and SD17, will be there. SD20 hasn't spoken to DH since April and it was when DH called to say Happy Birthday to her. SD17, haven't heard from her since she wanted money in June for a ticket to an amusement park. DH says that is nice that his daughters are going then hangs up with SIL....but I am thinking "WTF BM was invited??!!" After he made it clear not to invite her! Now, tonight DH gets a text from SIL "I know Mary is going to the other shower, but I would like for you to be there. I want to take brother and sister pictures" DH text "I was planning to go with Mary to the other shower, we were ask to be the Godparents and arealso helping with set-up" SIL text "I AM YOUR SISTER!" DH text"I didn't mean to piss anyone off, I didn't think this was going to be a problem" SIL text " I am not pissed, just hurt" DH didn't text back. SO, what did she think?? She was going to seperate DH and I? Telling him to go to her daughter's shower and let me go to my friends shower?
She made it clear she didn't care I wasn't going but she wanted her brother there!! I want to get them out of my life!! They are just has bad as the step-children!!

Comments

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Fri, 09/30/2011 - 6:01am

How far apart are the 2 showers? Can he pop into the family shower for a bit, take the picture, then head over to the friend's shower?

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Fri, 09/30/2011 - 7:04am

I am glad your DH stood up for you. Ignore the ILs as much as possible. Be good to your DH and in time, he will realize that they really just want to control him and don't care if he is happy or not. I know because my ILs were the same. It has taken many years, 12 to be exact, but at this point my DH sees them for what they are. They could care less if he is happy or not, if he does well or not...as long as he is there for them, they really could care less if his son grows up without a dad because of it.

Keep strong, stay away...NEVER confide in them, even if they try to make amends...odds are, it's part of their plan.

About the ILs and the ex, you do have 2 options...1. go and believe me the ex will HATE you even more Smile ...especially if you and your DH focus on EACH OTHER or 2. not subject yourself to it and ignore them - Personally? I went if my DH went. At the beginning he always begged me to go...although I hated being there, I was just extra nice to my DH which made them fume...after a while my DH realized it was not worth it and he stopped going, thus we just stopped going. We have not attended any family events where is sister, nieces, ex, etc...are at for over 5 years...they are freaking out now knowing anything about us... Smile

PS - I had a similar issue but it was with OUR SON's BAPTISM!!! Idiot SIL decided AFTER we scheduled our son's baptism to inform my DH 2 weeks before that she was having her daughter's 15th birthday party...of course, my DH was ALSO expected to give her 200USD for the loser's dress...he did against my wishes. In addition, he also left the get-together we had at OUR house for the people who attended the baptism to go to his loser niece's birthday...not a good day. At the end, I was very angry. 10yrs later, my DH has NO RELATIONSHIP with his loser sister or pathetic daughters either. That was NOT my intent. It was THEIR intent to get us to break up and instead, they shot themselves in the foot because he eventually realized how inconsiderate they were.

LizzieA's picture

Submitted by LizzieA on Fri, 09/30/2011 - 12:14pm

I went through tons o'crap from my SILs. One especially was so jealous of our marriage 4 years ago (she is long divorced) that she actively worked to slander us to the rest of the family and even friends. So many ugly events and emails. BM was invited (and still is) to every holiday and family event. After 1 year we moved far away so have missed most of the gatherings. The final straw was SGS's first birthday when they paid for DH to go to the party but not me (we had just purchased tickets for 3 months later so couldn't afford it). I was the ONLY family member not there--at BM's house of course. SIL is so pushy that she was the one to place birthday cake in front of SGS, not his own GM! (saw it in the pictures) Left home alone I was so hurt (DH was guilted into it -- Auntie's paying so you have to come Daddy) and all I did was pray about it Some miracle must have happened because after that they snapped and started treating me normally (like they did before the marriage). Not that I care a whole lot. Recently we had a family gathering we planned to bring our kids and extended family together. We even invited BM and her BF! Ha ha things have changed. She didn't come, I guess the games are over.

My point: I hear you, DH standing up for you is crucial, and miracles do happen once in a while. But it sucks when you have control freak in-laws. I don't get it, myself, I never cared who my siblings were with and would never be rude or play an ex against the new person. Psycho!