Jealous of Step Daughter
I think I'm jealous of my stepdaughter.
Here's the situation: DH is a student, so his schedule is a bit weird. There are days when he gets home from school around 2 or 3 p.m. On those days, he will pick up both kids (SD11, and our BD-3months).
What DH always does, though, is pick up SD as soon as her school lets out - 3 p.m. She could stay at school as late as 6 p.m., because we pay for her to take part in after school programs.
Then DH waits until well after 5 p.m. to pick up our BD.
This is really pissing me off. I sit at work all day WISHING I could be with my little baby. He has the opportunity to spend time with her, and chooses to leave her at day care. WHY?
I'm jealous that he has that option. I'm pissed off at the choice he makes. And it irks me to no end that he is willing to hang out with SD but not spend time with BD. I feel like my little girl is getting the shaft from Dad.
Jess.. I have followed your
Jess.. I have followed your story from the beginning.
I am not siding w/your dh, but stepping back from the situation.. I think its possible that your dh could be afraid to have the 3mth old home w/sd.. esp given sd's severe dislike of the 3mth old. Given her commentary and general nastiness to both you and the baby.
THAT SAID.. could you suggest to your dh, that he alternate who he brings home early to spend time with?!!?! Let him know that you are not happy that the infant is stuck in day care all day, and sd is brought home early for some one on one time. That perhaps he would benefit from picking up the newborn w/sd still in after school care, to catch up on some bonding time.. that I am SURE he doesnt get w/SD around.
Again, not defending him or his actions, but thought that perhaps that could be an explanation for his actions.
I agree - role reversal
Although I haven't followed your story. I currently do the opposite with our kids. We pickup the infant (6mo), my bd at around 1pm everyday, and wait until after I'm home to pickup SD. For one, I want to limit the amount of time she spend in the hosue with me not being there. She needs to know who is the woman of the house. For twos, of how she may treat BD or the potential for her to be left in the room (unconsiously) by her dad. I have made it a point that I don't want those two in a room together alone - ever.
Could be.....
Maybe that is why, but if so its subconscious and he's not aware of it. When I asked him why, he said that he might want to get some work done, and he can't do that with BD there. THe thing is, I know DH, and he WON'T do work, even if he's home alone, until everyone else is asleep. He's a night owl and a procrastinator, that's just the way he works.
Plus, SD is super demanding of attention, so he wouldn't be able to get work done with her around either.
I would think he could get
I would think he could get more done w/the infant home and napping or in a vibrating bouncy chair (we have nicknamed the Magic chair.. used to put my nephew to sleep w/in seconds) then he could w/Sd.
I would suggest that he either rotate who gets to go home early, OR he doesnt pick up either of them. Fair is fair. I would also suggest to dh that his actions might be sending sd the wrong message, which is she is more important than her sister. which we both know is NOT true.
I am sorry that he cant see how this is affecting you, and his bonding time w/his youngest.
Thanks :)
I'm gonna talk to him about it tonight. I just hate how he gets all defensive when I bring up this kind of stuff.
Well...I'm gonna head out. If he hasn't picked up the litte peanut yet I'll go get her myself.
Have a nice night.. Good
Have a nice night.. Good luck w/the talk.. I have a defensive DH too, I find if I bring it up when I am not mad, and the skids are not around (say like when they are in bed) that it goes over a bit better.. and I always start with.. this isnt to start a fight or anything.. and then he tries harder.. (ya know.. to prove me wrong.. not to be better, but to prove me wrong)
Night
I would say if his excuse is
I would say if his excuse is to get work done then neither should be picked up early. Otherwise he needs to alternate days he picks them up early.
Just because you CAN give birth, doesn't mean you SHOULD
sounds like my situation
i ahve SD 11 and BD 3. boyfriend always seems to make time for SD more so than BD.
the reason? quite simple, because all SK's make it liek their lives are so empty they need all of BP's attention, and fuck everyone else.
honestly, maybe you should try to have your SD sent to her BM's so the 3 of you can have a normal life.
keep in touch we have soem things in common but i cant talk right now.
Jess, I actually agree with Crayon!
I think DH is overcompensating to SD. If she's bitter and angry toward you and new baby, then he may be giving her a little extra one on one daddy time.
Now, here's where I'll stray from the pack. I understand exactly what you are saying about how you want to be with your baby. And I think if your baby were old enough to "get it" ... to see that she's getting less time with dad.. then I'd say he needs to alternate pick-ups.
But for now, I think your DH is SOMEWHAT okay picking up SD. After all, it is HIS BIOLOGICAL daughter. So he may not see the slight as much as you do. Also, some men are not good with infants. They are AFRAID of them! Of being alone with them! (does anyone else know guys like this? My DH is great... but his dad is soooo uncomfortable around kids!!)
Anyway, if your DH is using this father / daughter time to bond and to get SD OVER her issues, then it's great. If he's not, then he's wasting an opportunity. If I were you, I'd talk to him about using that special time with her to get her more into the "family"... and then, bring the baby into it one day at a time....
I don't know why he does this....
But if it is bothering you, you should just ask him. Try not to ask tho in what I call a "tone"...he will just get defensive, most men do. Then a fight or arguement will break out.
I do understand how you feel...been there, done that ! (and burnt that shirt)
Stepwitch
Thank you Disney for portraying a positive image on all stepmothers!!!!