It's that time of year again, where we are making plans and trying to sort out the remainder of our 2024 - trips, visits with family, etc. With that being said, DH emailed BM to confirm dates/times for remaining 2024 parenting times, to ensure everything lined up with school and sports, and so she doesn't claim a change at the last minute. We are scheduled to have SS for Labor Day weekend this year (first one ever due to sports). Based on the CO, DH is supposed to pick SS up at 3:00 p.m. that Friday, so we based everything around that. SS has practice on Fridays, but DH wasn't sure if there would be practice due to the holiday weekend, so he didn't take that into consideration. 

BM responds back to DH, stating that SS has practice from 2:00 p.m. until 4:00 p.m. that day. She stated that since 2:00-3:00 p.m. is HER parenting time, SS will be attending practice during that hour. She said whatever DH does from 3:00 p.m. on is up to him, and whether he allows SS to stay at practice until 4:00 p.m. is DH's choice. Oh, and she is still keeping pick-up on Monday for 3:00 p.m. since DH can technically pick-up at 3:00 p.m. on Friday if he wants to and that is the time the CO dictates.

How petty can we be to where we are now breaking parenting time down by the hour? And there is never flexibility ever. It is always down to the minute with her. As a parent, my thought would have been "Hey, the CO says 3 p.m. but SS has practice until 4 p.m., so pick him up at 4 p.m. and we can adjust Monday by an hour to accommodate." But No. 

I would understand BM's perspective if we were local to BM and we saw SS regularly so adjusting/losing an hour wasn't a big deal in the grand scheme of everything. I understand that parents that are local base everything around kid's school and sport schedules and adjustments are necessary. But we aren't local; we are 4-hours away one direction due to BM relocating and we only see SS for roughly 1,000 hours (6 weeks) every year with MONTHS between visits, so to give up an hour, knowing it won't eventually balance out, is hard. BM clearly realizes the impact long distance has on her parenting time with SS, which is why she made the judge have all holiday break visitations end 2 days before SS goes back to school, so she could ensure she still had holiday time with SS, even on our breaks. She told DH that she should be allowed to see SS during our holiday breaks too, yet on the years she has those holiday breaks, we just miss out and don't see SS at all. It's always the double standard. We are supposed to give everything up on our time for SS' "best interests", but BM can't give up a minute of her 85% custody. 

DH responsed to BM, stating he would pick SS up at 4:00 p.m. Then DH and I decided that DH will show up to practice at 3:00 p.m. with cases full of Prime and Gatorade and snacks and watch the practice until 4:00 p.m. This way, DH doesn't technically lose the hour (even if he won't have direct contact with SS) and that way, BM can't portray DH as the bad guy and SS will see DH as a rockstar. And BM also can't say that DH never comes to anything related to SS, as she has been for years. 

And because I have PTSD from step life and DH told BM he will pick-up at 4:00 p.m. in his response email and we later decided he will arrive at 3:00 p.m. and watch the hour but didn't correct the email, I am waiting for the response where BM acts like DH doesn't show up for anything related to SS and is giving up an hour. But I also know if DH responds, telling BM he will actually be there at 3:00 p.m and watch practice for the hour, BM will say it was her idea and she had to encourage him to do that. Damned either way. And why I give a literal shit about what BM thinks, I have no idea, but her viewing DH and I as "bad parents" is one of my triggers. 

Only 6 more years...