SD can act! Well put on an act that is!
So this weekend the skids decided to grace us with their presence. They come now when it's convenient for them. SD17 is absolutely perfect in DH's eyes. I am not at all exaggerating this. She can do something and DH always comes up with some excuse like she didn't mean it like that or she would never do anything purposefully like that. In our 5 years he has swept every fault under a rug and come up with excuses for her. This morning he went to do some work on her car. She was in the kitchen and silent. I kept trying to start a conversation about school, etc. she would give a one word answer and then be quiet. This child always chatters around dad. We sat in almost pure silence till dad came back in. Oh yeah, SD14 walked in earlier too and I told her good morning 3 times and she ignored me completely. They act all friendly towards me when dad comes in. There's no sense even discussing it with him. Every time I mention his kids it ends up being a huge argument because they do no wrong. They are all out on a dinner date with DH now because they told him he doesn't take them on enough dates anymore. SD14 told me good bye and the 17 year old walked right out without saying a word. How does he not notice this? That's the kind of crap he would be pissed at my kids if they did. I'm so tired of holding all this in but addressing it makes matters worse. I seem to look like the bad guy, the evil step mother for not noticing how his kids have no faults.
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SDs did this to me at around
SDs did this to me at around ages 8 and 10. I ignored them right back. Credit to my DH for addressing it. They still can be that way a bit but since they do it to DH too at times, and they are close to 12 and 14 now (!) I dismiss it as teen issue.
But in your case why are you trying so hard to get their attention?
Honestly it's not so much
Honestly it's not so much that I want their attention. In the past DH has made comments how he wished I was the type of stepmom that took his skids to do things like have their nails done, etc. girl time. I've tried that and I got the frozen treatment so I will not put myself through that again. DH will make comments to me after the skids leave if he sees us not talking and of course it's all my fault because I'm "the adult." I can't make them want to talk or be around me. I just wish he knew it's their doing. You can only try so much but come on, don't call me out and blame me for it.
No blame, just asking. My DH
No blame, just asking. My DH also played that game. I learned to not say anything to him about the SDs behaviors, still don't. I also made it clear (after learning that having no limits made me crazy, and DH more reliant) that I would do things with them if I wanted to and if they were appreciative. Firm but gentle.
If I were you, I would try my
If I were you, I would try my hardest not to be in their presence without their father around.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2059585/The-lonely-life-wicked...
I would find something else to do and forget about your DH's "one big happy family" model. Start focusing on your marriage and that will cause SDs TRUE COLORS to come out in front of daddykins. Be prepared for increased miniwife action.
My SD did this to me as well,
My SD did this to me as well, people thought I was crazy as did my DH, because she only ignored me, but if people were around she would speak to me. One day my DH came home early and SD was unaware, she came into the kitchen and I asked her a question, she ignored, DH was around the corner and could hear everything. I asked her the question two more times and she ignored me and walked around the corner into DH standing there. She turned around and was all "oh sorry yeah" and answered the question, but DH started believing me in how his spawn was treating me when he wasn't around.
I wish I could say it helped in some way, but it didn't DH still continued to excuse her behavior away. When I finally disengaged and started treating her accordingly she went on social media to tell everybody what a horrible b*tch I was acting like she wasn't there and I needed to grow the f*ck up... :?
its taken me 13 years to be
its taken me 13 years to be able to tell Chef about the shenanigans that YSS stb 15 is up to in school. Two disciplines in less than a month for disregarding instructions and eight unexcused lates in as much time. If the Girhippo wasn't getting massive CS for him, she would jettison YSS yesterday.
I too have been ignored. SS15
I too have been ignored. SS15 would come in and not speak. I think the first few times I said nothing. Then I finally said something to DH. He addressed it, SS15 speaks but you can tell only because his dad addressed him. I was amazed the first time SS12 and SS15 spent the night because I said good morning and got no response. So I stopped saying it. DH is not receptive to anything negative I have to say about his offspring. DH knows he knows better. His parents raised him and taught him right from wrong. Your frustration is understood. Somedays I feel like punching DH in his throat and telling him to wake up and teach and parent your children.
Do you think itt would help
Do you think itt would help if you took a Video of it next time? Perhaps a nanny cam or a pad, phone or laptop subtly left out to capture their rudeness? Personally I would refuse to do anything for anyone that was so rude to me. If my sd9 did that I would send her to her room. But my husband enforces my authority in the home and sd is st an age still where that works.
Problem is with Nanny cams
Problem is with Nanny cams and guilty Daddys is that even if they saw their precious committing murder with an axe on video they would try to excuse it and then get mad at the person who filmed at for spying on their precious babies
Yes!
Yes!
}:)
You are so right! It would
You are so right! It would all come back on me for spying on them!
Just stop talking to them or
Just stop talking to them or trying. A 17 and 14 yr old knows darn well what they are doing. Tell your DH this is my home too, and I also provide. I need to be respected. If SD 17 and 14 cannot bring themselves to be decent then I will no longer provide anything. They can cook their own dinners, clean up, no rides, no helping. If they act like you don't exist, return the favour.
You matter, you know you have tried. Ask DH why he doesn't believe you as the wife over teenage daughters? As a partner you back me up, support me, because WE are the foundation of this home.
Well I caught them in all out
Well I caught them in all out lie this weekend and he still took up foe them because it's poor, poor babies caught in the middle. I will do a separate about the lie because in my eyes it is huge. It was enough that DH was crying earlier in the week.
Can you put your phone on
Can you put your phone on video, face side down, so he you can document their lack of civility?
I swear he still wouldn't
I swear he still wouldn't "see" it. They could choke the cat to death and somehow it would be the cat's fault.
pfft sounds like my life use
pfft sounds like my life use to be...
Treat them like they treat you, be clever.... when Dad is not around ignore them, don't even try and engage, if Dad is around chatter away and be super friendly...
Never complain about them, play it dumb.... believe me they will complain about you to DH, and he will start talking to them, cause all he sees - you being friendly and chatty and them not responsive, they will say you ignore them.. he will not see it.. turn the table on them, it works..
I never greeted Aergia if she did not greet me, XSO had a talk with her and said, if we are in a room and you join us, you greet, it's how it is... this is what Acra does, when we are in a room and she comes home, she greet us...
Aergia thought she was very clever and started greeted... but only said "Hello Dad, Goodbey DAd"
I did not greet I kept quiet... XSO asked me one day in front of her, why do you not greet her back.. it's been weeks, she greets and you ignore, I looked confused and said.. well she greet her father only and that's not me, ...
Light went on in XSO's eyes and he simply looked at her, she ran to her room lol....
See as soon as you calm down, you can play their game, just way better