it's a hard sad situation Libbie and I think you have reached a cross road in your life....

you will have to choose between your marriage and your dog... I don't want to be in your shoes...
I can not recall why SD suddenly has to live with you and DH, why can't she stay with BM, like she use to.. why the change now?

I am really sorry you guys are going through this. It is a hard situation to be in. The best thing your husband could have done IMO was let her move with her mom or have tested it out being she had never really stayed at your house before because of the allergies.

Libbie - if I remember correctly now - SD refuses to take allergy meds? if this is correct ship her off to BM and keep Bear....

remember too guys, this "pet" is his service animal if i recall correctly. so he's not just a friendly four-legged companion, bear fills an actual doctor-prescribed NEED for this little boy. both ds and sd are having incompatible needs at the moment, and both their respective parents need to do what is right for their own bio.

i hope the allergist can give dh some hope. you'll have to keep us posted.

For anyone who has not suffered from severe allergies and chronic severe asthma it is impossible to understand how much a pet allergy can threaten a kid's wellbeing.

Sequence of ownership and kid joining the family aside..... no kid should have their health and potentially even their life jeopardized over a pet.

Mild allergies are one thing, severe allergies and asthma are something else entirely.

Don't get me wrong. Getting rid of my beautiful huge pure black 130+Lb Belgian Sheppard was a heart breaker for me. He was my Christmas present when I was 7. My parents decided to send him to my GP's farm when I was 11-12. They were not willing to see me turning purple and having to be rushed to the children's asthma center for adrenaline shots several times per year.

Just out of curiosity, is your son's therapist working on any other coping strategies for him?

I would wait to see what happens with the allergist and what they suggest and what the result are. It honestly could be she has allergies in general and the dog on top of that makes if flair up even more. I know it is not easy and it is very hard to be patient and not know what all the answers are right now.

I can sympathize with you on this because I am afraid my SO's son is allergic to my cats. Since we are planning on moving in together it has come up what to do. Fortunately for me SO and his son are both open to the idea of taking shots. We are also preparing to redo things in the home to help. Hardwood floors will be put in, I have a pet vacuum already. I also have started getting into the habit of bathing my cats regularly and brushing them so they do not shed as much around the house.

I feel for you I truly do. My brother did the allergy shots growing up and he was fine with them. It made his life easier. How old is she again?

I would not get rid of my dog for a step child, I really wouldn't do it.

I feel for the kid, she must have quite the severe allergy to this dog. My friends daughter has pretty bad asthma and dog allergies and she spends plenty of time with my dogs, but we give her claritin first and limit exposure time. People are going to come into contact with triggers regularly.

Usually a dog free bedroom, an air filter and the right asthma meds do the trick. I just find it hard to believe this animal is wreaking havoc on this child to this extent. What is she on? An asthmatic to the extent you are describing needs a controller med (inhaler steroid AND probably oral Singulair - taken daily) a nebulizer for flare ups and then your regular old rescue inhaler (which the child may need to take each night before bed - nocturnal flare ups are common). SD may just be having a tough winter flare - I am not saying Bear doesn't aggravate the symptoms - but I find it over the top that this dog is being so heavily blamed. That is what asthma is, hellish flare ups followed by relatively normal breathing.

I also agree she should live with her mother but if that doesn't happen your husband will have to figure out another arrangement. I think it is so unfair to your son to lose his dog over this when the kid has a mom who wants custody.

Bottom line for me (and I have a special needs child) I would not sacrifice MY child's emotional or mental health for a skid or my dh. Period. I just wouldn't. Especially if it was MY home. But seeing as I am no longer riding the "crazy train" of blended family drama, I guess my opinion is irrelevant.

TBH I think that you and your husband have been all talk and no action up until now. You have been talking about sd going to see an allergist for weeks (months?) now and it took a second er trip for the appointment to be made. You have had lots of great advice about steps you could take in the home to reduce the allergens and you two are only just getting around to doing anything. Your husband's waited until the second er visit to get his kid away from the home where the dog lives. Why, why, why? -never mind it doesn't matter now. What matters now is ACTION, not talk.

Wanted to add that some people seem to think medications or optional in this situation. A kid having asthma attacks like that will HAVE to be on medication, forever, Bear or no bear. Real asthma is forever. I am in my 30's and my inhaler is never further than a foot away.

Wait... So he moved into your home, fought for custody of his daughter, and is now angry at YOU for the dog you had BEFORE he moved in and fought for custody of his daughter???

Don't give up your dog. This is insane. It is absolutely unreasonable for your husband to expect you to resolve these issues... it's his job as a parent who's been given custody. He needs to figure out a solution that doesn't involve you changing the life you had before he even came in the picture.

I can't even believe how much some people on this thread are overlooking how crazy it is on your husbands part... He literally just comes into your life and expects everything to morph around his and his daughter's needs? That's not fair.

What about you and your son? What about your dog? You've already confined your dog to certain areas of your house to try and help. And it sounds like you're regularly bathing your dog and cleaning up after him. Is DH doing any of that?

I don't care if SD is a person and the dog is a dog. The dog is OP's responsibility and SD is OP's husbands responsibility. Since the dog was in the picture before SD was living there (because OP's husband so smartly decided to get custody of his child who has allergies), it's up to DH to figure out a solution.

If you ask me, the most reasonable solution is SD living with her mom or OP's husband and SD living together somewhere nearby. I feel like he made a choice to get SD into the home KNOWING everyone else would bend for his choice.

Didn't you say in last blog that you are rural? You might consider having DH look into a small Morton building for a Bear/SS hang out. Heat/air tv furniture ...you only need one about the size of a car and a half. You said FIL was willing to put up money to get DH x amount of rent . Why not see about a "Me and my dog" shed slash clubhouse?

You keep all of them at 'home' with Bear living the majority of he time in his very own garage with comforts ye building. You said son was responding well to having daughter around. She may be as good for him in a way Bear can't be. The 'I'm a real teenager' kind of help.

Worth a thought. If you have the property space and make the pitch to grandpa to help finance you might be able to swing it. When the kids are long gone you and DH have a nice extra shed/storage/garage. It's not a wasted investment.

Oh for goodness sake.

I think the problem is with the adults in this family not the poor animal.

JMO

OP, you may already know this - but allergy shots don't start working overnight. It can take months for immunity to build. It is too bad your DH didn't start the process in December when you first began posting. I don't know why he didn't consult an allergist then.

Although from what you initially posted, shots were not even being considered since SD was so violently opposed to getting them. Has that even changed? Is she will to get shots a couple of times a week?

You mentioned once that you were monitoring her in the morning to make sure she actually took her allergy pill. Is she also taking one at night? Most need to be taken at least twice a day. If you can't trust her to actually take her pills, how invested is she in this whole process? Does she even want to try living in the house w/Bear?

I would have a problem if ex fought me for custody for DD to live with grandparents. It's ridiculous. If the kid is sick because dad and SM have a dog in
their house, then it's logical for a kid to live with mom. It's understandable that SM doesn't want to give up a dog. But it's utterly ridiculous that so many people are sick or miserable just because dad insisted kid lives with him. Is it better kids goes to ER than kid lives with mom?