Man I don't even know where to start.

He's been on good behaviour since we started therapy.

Because he doesn't want me to tell them everything I guess

The good behaviour makes me doubt myself and think I might be overreacting when I say he's abusive

It makes me feel crazy

I made an appointment with a different therapist who said the same thing but also said she could put me onto agencies that will help me get work and get away

I just applied for a job this morning

No no crew here

I have been thinking about leaving for a long time

The divorce post was a lie-I was trying to see if he would mention it or if anyone had been creeping me here

I got suspicious because one of my blogs was edited similar to how he went into my son's homework and changed the spelling around

He used to add gridlines to my resume until I put a password on it

Everything else unfortunately is true

I don't have the creativity or inclination to crew

Jesus I've got enough on my plate without making all of this up

I have enough trouble trying to keep track of reality

Definitely not good enough to string a story along for almost a year even if I wanted to

Thank you

I will continue counseling for both me and my daughter

Marriage/family counseling was never even a consideration

After all this time with him I know better than that

It was just be another arena for him to abuse in

I'd better find a lawyer quick don't know how much longer I can take it

I did speak to a lawyer briefly about 8 months ago but I slipped into maybe it will get better its not that bad mode

My only support is my mom but that doesn't really count because she promotes the its not that bad crap and rationalizes it

I have to go completely on my own this time that is the only way it can possibly work but I'm scared silly of everything that could happen

Yep

I tried to get out almost ten years ago and several times before

I fell for all that it'll be different this time bullshit

It does get worse

It really knocked the starch out of me last time when I realized it was still just the same old shit

I'll try and address all your points

When she said she may have to report even though it wasn't physical(I did question her about this)she said verbal/emotional is also an issue nowadays. I know if people are getting beat on they can lose their children. From what she told me I was under the impression that verbal/emotional is now considered to be a threat.
I'm terrified to do anything. My husband threatened to call CPS because I was asleep at 11 AM once when I was sick. The kids weren't in any kind of danger. If he's sick enough to make threats like that why wouldn't I have seemingly irrational fear?
I haven't seen the second T yet Daughter didn't like the first one that's why we're seeing another. She also informed me from what little I told her that she may have to report(phone consult)
And finally I'm not trying to provoke him. He is a control freak who likes to mess with people. He has messed with my son's homework. I was trying to find out if somehow he had gotten into my account with a keylogger or something

Control freaks will do things like that. I even asked admin if it was possible to fond out if the post was edited because I usually can at least spell correctly

The post in question was after one of his stupid meltdowns. I was trying to find out if he got into my account or if I was just so upset from his meltdown that I messed it all up(I was even more upset than usial ATT because I was recuperating from oral surgery and in a lot of pain)

I have lived with his madness for 15 years and I'm getting nutty too

Maybe I'm just looking for that 2 X 4 upside the head to make me mad or brave enough to get the fuck up and out and be some kind of human being and fully present parent

If I don't get out I will probably slip off into insanity before long

Hell maybe I already did and that's why I'm still here.

I don't have to try and provoke him

All I have to do to provoke him is act like a normal wife or human being

Just be myself

Other reasons I stayed besides I promise I'll change(tm)

At one point I knew in my heart it was never going to work. I tried to just hang in there for a while and figure out what to do.

Then bam! He got sick. It turned out to be stage 3 lung cancer. That's when things really started going downhill. I was trying to see him through his cancer and wait for some stability. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself until he was well again. I then decided to wait until he was cancer free

Then, SD was planning to get married. I wanted out so bad but didn't want that hanging over this event. SD probably wouldn't have given two shits about it but maybe he would. One of the many reasons I didn't attend was I really didn't see myself in the picture so I didn't want to be in any wedding pix.

It's been a year since the wedding

We have been looking for a house. I am biding my time for a while because it will aid in getting financial information which is necessary for loan approval and might make the divorce process easier.

I can't just walk away without all the important papers that are necessary

I really need to talk to a lawyer again and make sure I can do everything right because this will be the last time.

Thank you Dtzy

(random strangers? I just take what I need and leave the rest, but some of the random posters points were valid)