So I am trying to get things taken care of before I start my cancer treatment.  Going through stuff in the house, getting rid of old papers from decades ago, saving old family photographs for SD and BIL...

My husband has valuable items at his workplace that he told us to pick up right away if he passed away before me.

My son and a friend of his were planning to go down next week.  The items are very heavy and require special handling and transport .  He has to rent a truck with a lift gate to do this.  He has to take a day off work.  

Here is the main issue I'm writing about.

My husband and I were both in the hospital at the same time.  I was getting surgery for oral cancer and literally could not speak. My husband and I discussed the visitor situation where he was when I was still in the hospital.  Since I was very weak and unable to speak and he could only have one visitorwe decided it would be SD it was the only practical decision we could have made.  I never vsited him until the day before he died because only one visitor and was too weak and doped up from surgery to go see him.

He died the day after me and my kids visited. SD was there.  She held on to his cell phone and took it home with her when she figured out he could still talk to me a few weeks before.  For a while we had no idea what was really going on because she would send texts to us using his phone and every time my son called the hospital they refused to give him information even though my husband designated him as a contact.  I have this discussion saved in my cellphone.

She claimed she was going to keep the cellphone(it is a cellphone he used for work provided by his employer)because it had pictures she wanted to save.  The true story is probably more like this...  He gets transaction notifications from banks, notifications from the alarm company and god only knows what all.  His e mail is in there so I've had to go into the sensitive accounts-financial and security and change the contact information.

She has been calling everyone on his contact list some he hasn't even spoken to in decades to tell them he was sick or passed away and little knows what else because I was going to make arrangements to pick up his stuff like he asked me to before he passed and the person I spoke with was covertly hostile and told me he spoke with her already and everything would be safe until she could come and get it.  He was also up my ass about when the services are going to be.  I told him there's too much up in the air right now to arrange anything.  I have to keep a roof over my head and get cancer treatment and that is my first priority and my husband would want it that way.  I also told him I had to straighten out some financial things first and I may even have to move out of my house I just don't know how everything is going to shake out yet.

I can't believe I wasted time putting pictures and keepsakes and every hand turkey from when she was little to give to her.

Looking back at the day we went to the mortuary these people just keep showing me who they are.  She's still bitter and angry over stuff from decades ago that probably her parents are more to blame for than me.  They are the ones who got divorced in the first place and blew her life up not me.  It's just safer for her to focus her anger on me.

Part of the items we got rid of were letters and police reports documenting domestic violence in his marriage to her mom.  I should have left it there but I didn't want to rob her of the dad was a saint feelings she has.  I was going to let whatever fairy tales mom and dad spun to stand.  Maybe not the best choice but technically I don't really have to keep anything aside for her.  Anybody else probably would have chucked all this crap out a long time ago.

My kids are furious.  They are telling me not to waste another minute taking the high ground just let SD manage the trip to pick up his stuff if it means that much to her.  My daughter has lost her pint sized shit again.  My kids think I'm crazy for holding anything aside for her.  They think I should just send it all to the dump.

I was keeping things aside for BIL too.  He is real active in his church.  His prayer group sent me a plant and prayer shawl.  I sent him a thank you text followed up by a note in the mail but he is ghosting me and trying to talk to my daughter instead.  Daughter won't talk to him though.  Son and daughter are done and think I should be too.

My daughter is even saying I should just keep his ashes here and not buy the niche but my husband wanted a niche so eventually I will need to make that happen.  I just don't have ten thousand dollars to do it with right now.  Any money I have is going to feed and house my daughter and I.

I'm so sick of this.