Over the summer I have disengaged from ss16 more then I have done in the past. SO now basically all I do is cook dinner for everyone which if he likes it he will eat, otherwise he makes his all-time back up of top ramen. I never clean for him, do his laundry or anything anymore, he is 16 and should have gotten a job this summer and his license also. DH promised he would assist ss to get the job and license and has not followed through and now expects that it will happen yet this fall that ss will at least get his license. Now we are fast approaching school starting and ss16 is expecting to go to his school he has gone to all his life but is now out of district and 30 miles away one way, DH now has to drive him every day and pick him up.

So last night I wrote up our money income and out going and showed him on paper how we are just barely squeaking by on my wages and what little child support we get. And then added the gas $ it will take to drive ss16 to and from school daily and how that extra $400 monthly is now going to put us into the red. DH says he will stay in town there all day and hang out, and I say yes just recovering from cancer and you are going to hang out from 7:30 am until 5 or 6 pm (ss's football practice daily and church once a week) daily with no naps and no down time and expect to continue to heal? There is a perfectly good school right here ss16 can go to with an AWESOME football program and a coach that DH used to coach with that could work with ss. But NOOOOO DH does not want to uproot ss in his junior year b/c he does not want behavioral issues. (my kids uprooted to go to another school district twice in the past 4 years and yes it was hard but we dealt with it, but I did not have the money to drive them back then). I tried reversing the situation and asked DH if it were my kid wanting to go to school 3 years ago in his same school and I had wanted to drive daily what would he have done? Of course he says he'd support it but at the time 3 years ago he did not and said my boys would LOVE the local school his kids always went to and the kids were nice etc. so my kids adjusted.

So now how do I stay disengaged? How do I just let DH figure this one out. I am not only worried about the money but also about dh and his health b/c he is worried about the money also so he will not drive back home for rest and he could have other health issues crop up. I literally want to kick ss16 out of this house, he is being so selfish and not thinking of the consequences of his dad having to do all this just so he can stay with his friends.

I am having a hard time just disengaging and letting dh figure this out on his own, 1 b/c it's DH's health and 2 b/c it's MY income that's supporting this in the long run.