MIL Drama Over a Thank You Card? Really???
This seriously happened to me a few days ago.
Let me preface by saying, my MIL is the sort of MIL that likes to get DH involved in her constant drama and get into our own business from time-to-time. I ignore a lot of it, and it's worked out fine for the most part.
When I had difficulties with my pregnancy, she never called or contacted me. When I was diagnosed with a mass in the old brain of mine, nothing! (I'm doing fine) She would literally call to talk to everyone else *besides* me. But I still tried to be the better person, and have included her with other family members on the happenings of all of our kids.
So BS16 just had his birthday, and sent out thank you cards to everyone that sent him a gift. BS16 wrote the card like this:
"Dear #INSERT HER AND HUSBAND'S NAME HERE#,
Thank you for the birthday gift. I'm really excited to use it for my car hobby, and this $ will really help me out. Thanks. - BS16"
All was good in the world until DH decided to tell me what MIL said when receiving her own thank you card: "Since when does BS16 call me #INSERT HER NAME HERE#"?
I was absolutely shocked, and I quickly let DH know this fact. This is what I said:
1) Why would MIL's first reaction to a thank you card to be a put down to BS16?
2) Isn't MIL thankful that BS16 took the time to send her a thank you card?
3) Why didn't you keep that comment to yourself DH?
And what was DH's response? It was rude of BS16 (his SS16) to not put "Grandma" on the thank you card instead of her name. Really? I answered with "BS16 has never called her Grandma. And how has she earned that title? His two grandma's make a point to be in his life by calling and visiting when they can. MIL does nothing of the sort!".
I must say that BS16 does not like MIL at all. He says that it's because of how she parents her kids (in and out of jail) and how she mistreats me (his own words). But he didn't complain at all about sending her a thank you card for his $25 check.
I was just completely shocked that this would be the automatic reaction of an adult when a kid now-days does something like that, and I'm pissed that DH doesn't see that.
I believe that she won't have to worry about it in the future, as no thank you cards will be coming her way again from me or my kids!
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He could have addressed her
He could have addressed her as "Mother of my Father". }:) }:)
More like "Mother of my
More like "Mother of my Step-father" }:)
That's the crazy part. She only became related to her by marriage at 9 years old when we started dating, and he was 12 when we got married. So I'm just not getting it.
You have a great kid. Keep up
You have a great kid. Keep up the good work. As for your MIL, aren't you glad that you have almost NOTHING to do with her? Celebrate that your not HER child and that you have almost nothing to do with her.
I always forget if we're allowed to post links, but I'll take my chances for this one -
http://204.197.244.120/~mother1/forum/forum.php
Most of us can benefit from this site almost as much as ST!
Thanks you TinyDancer! I
Thanks you TinyDancer! I really appreciate your kind words and your link. I'll definitely have to check it out!
I'm most certainly thankful each and every day that my mother is my mother and has done so much for my brother and I over the years. She is amazing, and I'll always strive to be as good as she has been.
Thanks goodtimes. And that
Thanks goodtimes. And that site will be listed on my phone's bookmarks tonight. I cannot wait to read through them. It's nice to know that you're not alone.
Lol, isn't that a fun place?
Lol, isn't that a fun place? Between this site and that, it's saved my sanity a few times. Only too happy to share!
You are throwing just as much
You are throwing just as much of a hissy fit as she is, quite honestly. Has it ever occurred to you that you might just as much the drama queen as she is?
So what if she's wants to be a Debbie Downer and complain about the card. Your son sent it, and that was the right thing to do. And the right thing for you to do is quit pitching a fit over someone else's poor manners and concentrate instead on teaching your kids that you behave with manners even when the other person doesn't.
You are acting spiteful and insolent, just like her!
furkidsforme: Actually, I
furkidsforme: Actually, I never discussed anything with MIL. My first answer to DH was simple: "Wow, I thought she'd be happy to have gotten a thank you card. I wish that you had kept that to yourself." DH is the one that threw the "hissy fit" as you call it by saying that BS16 was rude by not referring to her as his grandma, and that it was completely wrong of him to do that. I responded with what I wrote, and I believe that any sane mother would respond in the exact same way.
And concerning manners, maybe YOU should take your own advice. Putting someone down in "troll" fashion doesn't behoove you!
FYI: Please re-read the
FYI: Please re-read the tagline for this site: "StepTalk.org - where stepparents come to vent."
Some people do not get it. I
Some people do not get it. I get it. Grandma is a bitch. DH is a mama's boy...and how dare SS16 be rude to his mama. Please! I understand you being upset. You took it to heart. Yes, it is petty. Grandma is petty. Look at it this way...Grandma is an unhappy petty woman that has nothing better to do than cry...SS16 did not call me Grandma. If SS16 would have had stole from her, she have something to cry about. Consider the source, be glad you are not grandma. As for DH, he is mama's boy and mama is alway right. You can not fight CRAZY!
I agree with everything that
I agree with everything that you said. It was nice to vent, even though someone decided to resort to a bit of name-calling. I actually thought that what DH was more petty than MIL in this. He should have kept it to himself in the first place, which is how I ended the conversation.
Why thank you;)
Why thank you;)
I agree. I really like to
I agree. I really like to teach the kids that old-fashioned things still mean a lot, and they seem to be getting it. It's too bad that good manners and good etiquette seem to be going the way of the do-do birds. Thanks!
I agree, it is impressive for
I agree, it is impressive for a 15 year old to send thank you cards. Great job Mom!!
I think a thank you is beyond most skids!
Wow, that is crazy. I guess
Wow, that is crazy. I guess some people will never be happy. I won't be telling BS16 about this because that's the last thing that he needs to hear. I definitely don't want her reaction to discourage him doing that in the future for the family. Everyone else called or emailed to say how much they appreciated it!
OMG, if he had written Mr.
OMG, if he had written Mr. and Mrs. So and So, we would have really heard about it.
BS16 has always called her and her husband by their names, and not by her nickname that SS9 gave her. The name she goes by is kind of babyish, which BS16 got over several years ago.
I don't feel the need to pressure any of the kids (except bios of course) to refer to me by mom, DH by dad, or other relatives by Grandma, Grandpa, Aunt, etc. If they feel that it's right for them, then that's fine.
My point all along is that I never thought that sending out a thank you card would result in a negative response from anyone, so it was quite shocking for me. It's unfortunate that DH doesn't see it, but you're right that for him, his momma will always be right. I've excepted that fact long ago, and have moved on to what I *can* control.
But I did need to vent about someone being so negative about something positive my son did. Thanks!!!
What a nice polite son you
What a nice polite son you have. MIL can suck it.
Thanks, and yes she can
Thanks, and yes she can
That's exactly what I told
That's exactly what I told DH, and that would have been so nice. But unfortunately that's when he decided to tell me that BS16 was "rude" for not addressing her as Grandma. It's really unbelievable to me that no matter what, some people can always turn a positive into a negative. So he can keep that negative crap to himself from now on.
Specifically, it was this:
Specifically, it was this: "I believe that she won't have to worry about it in the future, as no thank you cards will be coming her way again from me or my kids!" that me feel you were being spiteful and inciting just as much, if not more, drama than MIL.
Other than that, I'm with you.
Wasn't being a troll, it's just when I see someone who I feel is contributing to the drama and they maybe are not recognizing their role in said drama it should be pointed out. I get called out on lots of my own shit, it's a valuable learning experience.
I'm not contributing to the
I'm not contributing to the drama at all furkidsforme. As my OP said, I've tried for years to make sure that everyone on both sides of the family are included in stuff for the kids. But how much drama should be inflicted on me and my kids? And when is enough enough?
After 7+ years of trying, I'm just not going to subject myself and my kids to this kind of crap. I'm most certainly not going to tell BS16 about her comment. I'll continue raising my kids to do what's best, but from now on, DH can handle sending thank you cards and whatever else in the exact manner that he and MIL see fit.
Also, DH can just keep that kind of negativity to himself, which I've made very clear to him. If he wants to listen to that drama, then that's his choice...not mine or my kids. That's what I was saying; I thought that I was pretty clear about that.
Personally, I think your son
Personally, I think your son is doing great by sending out ANY thank you cards! Your MIL sounds like one of those people who would bitch if she were buried in a solid gold coffin
Kind of reminds me of when I (stupidly) decided to throw a baby shower for SD. One of DH's relatives put at the bottom of the card she taped to the present, "No Thank You Card Required".
SD got this quizzical look on her face and the relative had to EXPLAIN to her what was meant...that she could say her thank you verbally and didn't need to send her a card! Yeah, pretty damn sure that NOBODY got a thank you card from SD for the presents she got (and was out of there right after the present opening, too, ungrateful little.......)
"Personally, I think your son
"Personally, I think your son is doing great by sending out ANY thank you cards! Your MIL sounds like one of those people who would bitch if she were buried in a solid gold coffin"
You're absolutely right on what one. I've just got to know when to let go and let DH handle MIL stuff. Luckily for me, the rest of the in-laws are wonderful people who don't spew a bunch of negative drivel. I'm also very lucky in that BS16's grandmother and I have always had a close relationship, and I really see her as my MIL. I've even told her so, and I know that she feels the same way.
Thanks misSTEP