Disney Dads never change, do they...

Unfortunately for me and my family, I was wrong with the "progress" that I hoped for with my last blog post (http://www.steptalk.org/node/120614). DH hasn't changed in his view that we need to keep 50/50 custody of SS9 (almost SS10), even if that means that I have to deal with SS9 while he's away at work. I'm sticking to my guns that SS9 should be watched by either DH or BM, even if that means SS9 getting full custody. SS9 is completely out of control with everyone!

Custody is completely up in the air now because of DH's new schedule. He's wanting me to be ok with watching SS9 every-other-week, even though he won't have to deal with things a lot of the time. But I'm not going to stand for it. It's been over 6 years of hell with SS9, and he's getting worst, not better.

We recently took a family trip to visit my mom in another state for 1 week, and SS9 treated my mom so badly by lying, talking back, crying, throwing tantrums, etc. I couldn't believe that he would treat her that way, since he doesn't even know her that well. She had really made an attempt to include SS9 in everything, and bought crafty items for him to keep busy with. But that didn't matter to SS9. She even had to send him to his room one night because of how rude he was. He also stole candy and snacks from BS15's pocket and suitcase twice during the trip, which really pissed me and BS15 off.

I've always known that it's not me, it's DH's and BM's lack of parenting combined with SS9 bad behavior. But I also know that no matter what, DH will probably always be in denial about SS9 and the way he treats people, and if things continue, SS9 is going to end up being a completely non-motivated criminal living off of the state (just like BM). I've just got to continue standing up for myself, my biokids, and my marriage. If DH doesn't get with it soon, the last one might be gone from that list. That's up to DH to get with the program, or risk losing other things, because I shouldn't have to put up with any of it.

I have a therapy appointment in a little bit, and hopefully that will help solidify how I'm feeling. Thanks for letting me vent.

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Oh Steppingsucks, I could

Oh Steppingsucks, I could have written this:

I've always known that it's not me, it's DH's and BM's lack of parenting combined with SS9 bad behavior. But I also know that no matter what, DH will probably always be in denial about SS9 and the way he treats people, and if things continue, SS9 is going to end up being a completely non-motivated criminal living off of the state. I've just got to continue standing up for myself, my biokids, and my marriage. If DH doesn't get with it soon, the last one might be gone from that list. That's up to DH to get with the program, or risk losing other things, because I shouldn't have to put up with any of it.

Only my SS is 7 almost 8.

I started standing my ground last year on not watching SS for BM and DH when BM is available and only 10 mins from our house. DH wasn't pleased because BM doesn't want to watch him - somehow its ok for HER not to want to watch her own kids but I am required to love it and ask for it - anyway, I told him well if BM doesn't want to then he can go to after school care, I can not commit (should never have in the first place) to it anymore. This is not my problem or responsibility - SS has 2 parents and when nuclear kids with 2 parents aren't available\willing to watch their children - they go to childcare. My bios had to go to childcare for this reason, his can go too.

It took me time to not feel guilty, because I simply do not really like the child, I have no authority and DH tried to make me feel bad - but long past that now, screw that - BM doesn't feel guilty about shoving her kid off, childcare certainly isn't a punishment
(despite what DH wants to make it out to be) - DH can put the guilt on BM who is available and choosing not to cache in the time.

Stick to your guns. I read

Stick to your guns. I read in a previous blog that you have a benign lesion. Do what you have to do to take care of yourself and keep your stress levels to a minimum.

@3familiesIn1: Thanks so much

@3familiesIn1: Thanks so much for that. I feel better after talking it through with my therapist. He definitely agrees with me on my stance, and he's proud of me for it which is nice. I'm glad to hear that there's (hopefully) light at the end of this long tunnel for us, because I do love DH and our family so much. DH needs to just get that I don't deserve to be treated this way, and neither does anyone else, including him. Hopefully for him he gets it before it's too late, although I've almost lost all hope for that at this point.

@amber3902: Thanks for asking. I've gotten a few MRI's and some other tests since then to check that it's not growing, and so far so good. It definitely helped me to see that as a mother and wife, my health matters, and I'll always have to be my own advocate. Like the doctor said, I don't need to be stressed, so I just keep reminding myself of that when making these difficult decisions. Thanks for your kind words.

I could have written a lot of

I could have written a lot of what you did as well. I am sorry you are going through this. I am in the same boat. I have disengaged from skid and if DH is working skid is not to be here. I don't care what happens, where he goes, but I am not his babysitter ANYMORE!!! DH resents me but I don't care. We would not be married right now had I not put my foot down on this. If I had been forced into keeping skid, I would have divorced him, and he knows that, so he deals with it, but he definitely does not like it. Oh well, I prefer not to be tortured by a spoiled little terrorist. He is not my child so he is not my responsibility. The ones that are responsible for creating the monster can deal with him because I'm not. Stick to your guns.

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