So SS9 is actually getting worst with his behavior not only to me, but to all authority figures. What a surprise, right? I had been begging to DH for years to get more help for SS9 before it comes to this level, but nothing changed.

So quite a while ago, I had to disengage from it all. It's hard at times, especially concerning hygiene, but the goods outweigh the bads. I always keep telling myself "Not my kid, not my problem. Just focus on my own kids" when DH does his Disneyland daddy stuff.

We have 50/50 custody, so it was up to me to watch SS9 2 out of 7 days on our week. This became a nightmare, and SS9 became even more disruptive to the home...even stealing from my own BS15. I'd say something to him, and he'd either roll his eyes at me while completely ignoring anything I had to say. If I mentioned the chores that his dad asked him to do, it ended in tantrums and screaming while BD2 was watching.

The last step for me to disengage was to tell DH and BM that they needed to switch back to my husband's work schedule so that SS9 would always have either his mom or his dad at home with him all of the time. When BM brought this up to BM, she refused. But then he remembered that their divorce decree clearly states that the custody arrangement matches DH's work schedule. The only way that she could refuse was to get a judge to change it to what she wants, which is unlikely with SS9's major behavioral issues, along with BM's own bad parenting choices.

So I made sure to stay firm with this change, and it happened for the first time this past week with some whining from DH, and some legal threats from BM. But DH understands and told BM, SS9 doesn't respect me, treats me like crap, and he wants to save his marriage. It's nice to have some control of something for a change; I feel empowered!