Break up because of failure to blend??? I am a total mess, help please.
I have been with SO 2 1/2 years and this morning we finally talked and the outcome may be a possible break up.
Right now I am crying and crying and feel really bad.
The last 6 month or more I withdrew from him, especially after we had some arguments where he full on screamed into my face(anger issues).He then promised HE would organise some councelling which never happened.This made me further withdraw.Allover the mini wife thing with his daughter and the fact that I could hardly speak to him without him being offended or defensive made the gap even larger.
He blames me for most issues though, for not being loving or supportive enough (mind you I used to be, but he has proven to have all kind of wild business idea of which hardly any make sense).Of course, you can imagine,he would also critisize me of being not involved enough with his daughter SD 8.He still doesn't see that this is because of the royal status he has given her.
It was all horrible and guess what, he took her to seaworld now- to make sure she is having a happy time- this is after a huge argument and after me crying here at home ....priorities!
I feel so numb and sad.
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My ex lived a fantasy. Still
My ex lived a fantasy. Still does. It was always one business idea after another, always one deal about to close...then he could not have a normal job because of kids (never mind the millions of people who manage this). Then his custody battle was the worst, everyone was against him...all he was trying to do was be a family. Sound familiar?! If so, it may be worth running...you get so caught up in their craziness you cannot see what is happening. When he cheated on me, and said it was over I was beside myself, I honestly could not see my life without him...because my life was so wrapped up in his drama. But guess what? My life is a million times better on my own. I listen to his latest GF mouth off and say about all their business deals...it has been the same story from him for decades.
Unfortunately, some men, if they are an ok father (or seem to be when you meet them) are just able to use this and use their kids to show how they must be a good guy. Yet, it was all left to me to organize appointments (with bio-mom), to feed etc.
It really can be worth taking a step back and looking at what you put up with and if it is worth it. I am grateful everyday he got bored as otherwise I would still be there, defending him, and unhappy. I could not see the wood for the trees. I now know alone is better than that,but never would have left without that push.
yes, lavender, I would know
yes, lavender, I would know better now.I feel like a fool.Plus he is mean and unfair atm.I am hurting so much.
Your SO is only doing this to
Your SO is only doing this to hurt you. I think a lot of times we talk about the guilt these dads display for their children, we forget to mention they feel so inadequate with us, they act like children themselves & assume we'll be there for them no matter what. I sometimes wonder who has the abandonment issues, their kids or them.
It's making you miserable & he won't work at it. You're not married yet so you have options
"I sometimes wonder who has
"I sometimes wonder who has the abandonment issues, their kids or them."
Shook, you hit the nail on the head! I totally see this in my xh and he always talks to my two boys about how their mom did this and did that to him, bla bla bla and they resent him for blaming me. My dh used to do the same when I first met him, but now when bm comes up in topic he just snuggles closer to me and says he's happy he has me.
I always have thought as men as just grown up boys, most of them seem to always need a baby mama in their lives, and if there is a divorce or something they blame her. Most guys, not all.
I too agree with those who
I too agree with those who said u have options!! I've been through Heck n back because of this step parent drama n if i had the chance to do it all over again I sure as heck wouldn't .. I mean I'm married n we have 3 kids they would b my absolute ONLY reason of doing it all over again!! If he does not realize that his lady comes first it'll never work out..good luck n hugs to you
((((HUGS))))) My DH after 8
((((HUGS)))))
My DH after 8 years of being together will not take responsibility for his part of not stepping up to the plate for his skids. It is always someone else's fault...Me, BM, BM's relatives etc. He takes no advice from Dr.'s, Specialist, me, etc. He will also be the first to complain about how BM doesn't co parent or knows how to. But he can't see how he can't co parent with me either. So I've disengaged on MY terms now.
I understand how hurt you are and the emotions that are flying. My DH show's no emotion towards me when I'm upset. He will go off with the skids and act as if nothing happened and will not return to the topic or conversation. I think in his mind "sweeping it under the rug" will help it disappear. Very immature for a man who 10 years older than me. But then again, I don't think men ever really grow up. They are little boys in men's bodies and their ego's are extremely fragile.
Think long and hard about whether you think it's really worth hanging out on this crazy merry-go-round.
Thanks all .especially
Thanks all .especially HadEnoughx5- mine is also 7 years older than me and does do excactly what you describe....