Promiscous daughter in law! Help
I can't believe I am back here after a loooong break of a few years .I left this forum shortly after I broke up with my ex who was a disney dad with a mini wife, lol. Anyway, I am with a lovely (relatively normal 
man since quite a while now and we will get married in October!! He has 5 lovely kids , all grown up and left.Two of my boys (12 and 15) live with us most of the time (adore him) whereas my dd is nearly 20 and lives with her bf.
So, the issue are NOT his kids or mostly not his behaviour but his disgraceful daughter in law (his oldest sons partner).Even before I met his whole family, my future DH told me how wonderful his oldest and his gf are.Soooo sucessful and doing so well.So I was really looking forward to meet them a few years ago.Especially her , since he spoke so fond of her and how desperately she wanted to meet me.Huh.All bullshit.Even the first time I saw her, she was trouble.You know, one of these embarrassing moments where you run up to someone to greet that person and you get the icey looks and the cold shoulder.That arready really confused me but in the month to come she turned out to be exactly the way she came across the first moment.I tried so many times having a nice conversation , reaching out to her, but she ignored me just to a point where other ones could not visibly notice it , but it was clear to me she didn't wanted me there.A few month in the relationship Itried to bring it up with DH , and he only told me she would be "defensive of the family", which confused me as she is not more of a family member than me.What does give her the right to be like that .It almost felt she was jealous and I stole her position in his family, which is sick.to be honest she is quite overweight and I might have been a threat.Whatever.Since DH and his oldest are really close i happened a few tmes that we went away with them on short holidays and I felt it got harder and harder to cope with the situation.She gets always very physical with DH , hanging on him , excessively hugging etc.and I feel this is out of place.Now you will ask me , how DH reacts.Sadly enough he played her game for a long time returning the hugs and patting her head etc until I told him I find it deeply inappropriate.He got offended (since he feels it is innocent) but slowly got better in considering my feelings.At least sometimes.
We have moved to a beautiful new place now and when she comes over I feel she wants to put her fingers into everything here, it feels as if she wants to be me, hard to explain.She helps herself in my kitchen, asked me for the entry code to get in (she is so direct and upfront me idiot gave it to her , but will change that code, gosh!!!!).I feel VERY uncomfortable when she is there.I feel especially bad because my DH still doesn't see it the way I see it and I am worried he will not back me up if I need to put her back in her place.
But the worst thing is to come.And at the end of the day it proved that she is exactly as bad as I knew she was, but she camouflages it usually well when others are there.
We had on the weekend a BIG housewarming and birthday party (my birthday) here.Lots of guests, friends and some clients.Anyway, everyone had a great time , a litle band played, people were dancing.She was there, too.Her bf , DHs son felt sick and went home early, but she stayed.She got drunk and really promiscous towards most of the man on the party, omg.It got so bad that she started to dance in the middle of the room, lifted up her dress and showed all the men her XXXl butt with her tanga .Since she is not the most attractive girl, she didn't get the attention she expected, so she kept on dancing lasively and facing directly my DH and turning then to lift her dress again.I felt so sick, he just laughed and turned away and hugged me.
You have to understand that inspite of people being drunk and a little silly, nobody was so unclassy and horrible.I was so mortified.Anyway, YES, it got worse.Some people left so she followed them , ran up our stairs where a glas window can be seen from the entrance area.When I went to farewell the guest and turned around I saw her sticking her fat naked butt against that window for DH and all other man to see it,it was simply horrible.
so when she came down and tried to hang on DHs neck again I approached her and asked her for boundaries which made her whinge that she enjoyed the party until that moment.And whinged I told her to leave, which I didnt.My god.What shall I do???????
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Comments
"This behavior is not allowed
"This behavior is not allowed in my house. You've had too much to drink. Here's your ride home. Bye."
Also, some snapshots of her bare a*s will come in handy.
For heaven's sake, the next time ANYONE asks for your security code, you just chuckle, "ha! good one!"
I am far too soft .But I want
I am far too soft .But I want to change that.Next time she is out.As a matter of fact I never want to see her again.But THAT is just a dream
I'm not sure why you care so
I'm not sure why you care so much that your partners son's girlfriend is, in general, fun to be around but got too drunk at a party and had a good time but made a little of an ass of herself.
Oh my god, lighten up. Why do you even care? Maybe she is cold to you because you are uptight, and she finds you a snobbish bore?
If I were at that party, I'd have likely been hanging with her.
But still, I'm unclear on how your parnters son's girlfriend can have such an impact on you. You need a hobby, to lighten up, or to mind your own business.
Haha! Well this party was
Haha! Well this party was supposed to be classy , there were work colleagues and important people! The biggest issue for me was more the ongoing disrespect she has towards me in addition to that behavior. Right into SO's face. Can't see anything funny in it .
Tog , I want excactly that .
Tog , I want excactly that . But I am worried that SO doesn't support me in that decision !
How is it not my business if
How is it not my business if that person does it in my own house? What are you like??
I think that's the kind of
I think that's the kind of behaviour where you have to pick your party IYKWIM. The housewarming/birthday party of your future FIL and his fiancé is probably not the one. Not if they aren't that kind of people themselves (which they aren't)
And also obviously, the SDIL to be has issues with onechooses, if she's all sweetness and light with the people she thinks matter and outright rude to others that's not cool, and also obviously she wants the attention of all the men, including the future FIL!!
She does sound like she has issues with perhaps having been the "head female" of the family util you came along. Slowly make your position known, you are a classy lady with the manners and brains to do it. No point talking about it to him - he won't see it, change the code, laugh politely when she "makes these jokes with you" and call her out on her manners every damned time. If she ignores you politely, loudly and pointedly say "hello SDIL, I asked how you were you mustn't have heard me?" If she acts tacky and classless smile at her with a little bit of superiority and touch your fiancé's arm with a knowing look. Little things, men don't notice it
Yes and yes!! That's how I
Yes and yes!! That's how I feel ! But at the same time I would feel worse if SO would critizise my decision . I feel so helpless
Since no one tried to stop
Since no one tried to stop her, and you feel he will be upset if you say something,this must be the norm for all of them.
Clearly, no one else has a problem with her behavior. Brace yourself. Once you try to way they have happily interacted good years, you will be the bad guy.
Disney has a scary
Disney has a scary point...this may BE their norm!
Are you prepared for a life time of thunder ass in your face? Because it isn't like they will all switch to Team CoverUrButt just to appease you.
I know you are right ! I am a
I know you are right ! I am a weak idiot - it is half of my fault people walking all over me!!! I am working on it big time ! This is not happening again ! 100% agree with you!
Wow. What strange behaviour.
Wow. What strange behaviour. Your SDIL clearly has no place at a party with adults, she can hang out with the other beavers down at the dam. Your DH is probably the kind of guy who doesn't get bothered by much, because he doesn't pay much attention. It's a bit mind-boggling that he didn't notice her hoo-ha hanging out, since it was hanging all over your living room and windows, so I'm thinking that's a future conversation with DH.
Mostly because, sure, you're a nice person, you tend to go along to get along, but at some point you have push back so that you don't get rolled over. It's hard, and there are tons of books written about boundaries, but mostly, just do it. It'll get easier with time.
The conversation with DH should be along the lines of... Hey, sweetie, you know how you always think I'm a bit too sensitive? Remember when SDIL showed her goods to our guests in our living room and I thought it was outrageously rude behaviour? Well, I checked with 1 billion online sources, and only tommar thought it was ok. Either you start taking me seriously and start sticking up for me when I ask for help, or I'll get you tommar's phone number and myself a new address.
Everyone has their own set of
Everyone has their own set of social codes per say. I think the OP is right to be horrified. And I also think if this is how they get down, she may want to rethink this wedding. Because they won't change who they are to appease her values.
I know tommar, but I'm
I know tommar, but I'm getting the vibe that the DH here is a bit of an ostrich. And a lot of women on this site have struggled to put up and enforce boundaries for one reason or another. Sometimes it's helpful to feel that you have an online army agreeing with you, if you're the pleaser-type.
But yes, that no one else seemed shocked or called the cops or left quickly does sound a bit weird, doesn't it?
I wouldn't care how established someone is in the family, if they aren't making my life better I would have limited contact, and if they came into my house and bared their ass (literally!) I would have zero contact. And my DH wouldn't be my DH if he wasn't willing to support me.
...I can't breathe. I think I
...I can't breathe. I think I just burst organs laughing
Thank goodness you are not
Thank goodness you are not officially tied to this family. Maybe your SO's son will think twice before getting too serious with this chick.
I can see both sides here (of
I can see both sides here (of the posters, I mean). On the one hand, yeah, the chick was out of line. Trashy. All that. I mean, she was WRONG, just flat out wrong.
But.... that doesn't make you right, you know? So, here's the "other hand". I DO think you're clutching your pearls a bit too much here. SS has a trashy, rude, vulgar, bitchy GF. Not. Your. Problem. Also, no reflection on you. So instead of going to DH and saying "She's so awful, make her stop! I don't want her in my house!" maybe you could try a "more in sadness than in anger" approach. "Poor SS. As soon as he left she started flashing other guys. I do hope she doesn't end up hurting him, he's such a nice guy." You are TOTALLY the good guy there, you see? YOU are "defending the family" - against her. Or, if it happens again, go for the throat. "Oh honey," you say to your SO while the two of you view her knickers, "I'm so sorry! You must be so embarrassed." If he claims NOT to be, just look a bit startled and then say, "Oh. Well. Good." It will sink in later, trust me.
It wasn't "that kind of
It wasn't "that kind of party." If it had been, all the women would be flashing and stripping and the dad would not be dating OP. Dad is an ostrich. OP needs to enforce her own boundaries. If her dh can't support that, this isn't the life for her. Period. Dot.
The ostrich thing is an
The ostrich thing is an excuse for the man, so that all the blame can be placed on the woman. That goes right along with men are stupid that they don't realize a woman is trying to hit on them until their wives point it out.
Men are stupid. They know damn well what is going on. If they make the choice not to stop it, that means they enjoy it. It also speaks to level of respect they have for their SO/wife.
Honestly, how common us it for a couple to go out together, one person gets sick, decides to head home, and the other stays behind? When the son left, she should have left with him. These is how these people down.The OP's BF isn't clueless or ignoring the crazy. He was enjoying the show with all the other freaks he invited over.
Maybe the party needed some
Maybe the party needed some entertainment and that's why no one threw her out!! Lol.
Poor girl, somebody does need to give her a clue though. Messing with your boyfriend's dad is a little overboard. Your SO should talk to his son and have his son talk to his girlfriend. You don't need to get messed up in this.