I am going insane
OK where do I start....first off I have been in a relationship for 5yrs and she has a 6 and a 8 yr old little girls.I am also a women, so we are a lesbian couple. I am not married because of society so I am known to her children as mommies friend. Her children live their father basically because of our lifestyle, but of course he went to the courts and said he was financially better secure than she was and so that was how custody was granted also he works at the same place as the law guardian so it was an easy for him, this happened 4 years ago. Anyways they snatched her kids away and since then things have never been the same. I think the reason I am honestly staying is b/c I can't bare to see her suffer any longer...when her kids come over they are upset because they want their mommie so it cause behavior problems....the older kid is such a smart ass it's crazy, she doesn't listen at all and she knows everything.... the younger one is soo spoiled it crazy all she does is cry and throw things and their mother just won't discipline them b/c they got taken away....I don't know what to do... we finally got engaged like two weeks ago, which it wasn't even a real proposal, she just said we should get married, ordered me a ring and gave it to me... and I just want to give the ring back and run far away...please help someone please..not to mention I am the bread winner and she stays home b/c she has difficultly taking order b/c of the situation so she developed a control issue....she often tells me that I act different when her kids are around... but I can't deal with all these problems, work, go to school to get a better job.....
Its hard, really, really hard help!!
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3 things: I always act
3 things:
I always act different when my SD is around, I act relaxed and enjoy the peace and quiet and drama free home!
Your DFW can't work because she has difficulty taking orders, because she lost custody of her children? Is there a mental illness or personality disorder here that is undiagnosed or something? That seems a little extreme to me, I know lots of people that don't "like" taking orders, but someone has to pay the bills and most responsible adults do what needs to be done to take care of themselves and their family! Is she using you as a sugar-mama? No offense, but her excuse sounds like something a pathetic, lazy BM would say. . . and in this situation, she is the BM. If it looks like a duck. . .
"I just want to give the ring back and run far away." That kind of says it all to me.
I don't think your lifestyle
I don't think your lifestyle has anything to do with this. It is about your sig. other (SO) choosing not to work and feels guilty because she isn't doing the full time mother thing.
This woman is grown up enough to have 2 children and thinks she is responsible enough to take care of them the majority of the time yet cannot hold down a 40 hr a week job? If she cannot hold down a job due to control issues she should not be custodial parent of 2 growing children.
After marrying and having 2 kids she decides to be honest with herself and her sexuality. Terrific and freeing for her. But, how long did she know? And did she marry to get the kids she could never have without medical intervention? Her ex husband had this ideal life and dream and basically she negated all their joint plans for the future. And she expected to get custody due to her sex? And yes, he IS earning more than her and maintaining a secure home life because right now your girlfriend is unable to work. Being bitter is all very well but if she REALLY wants to see her daughters more she needs to suck it up and get back to work. Women who have been through abusive relationships and beaten almost to death get themselves off to school and work alone AND have their kids 24/7 while dealing with PTSD. Your g/friend is feeling worry for herself and basically negating 100 years of women's equal rights. Would a man be able to say he is devastated his ex wife got full custody of the kids and give up work so he can stay home a mope?
You are supporting her and her behaviour. Run away. Fast. Find a woman who doe not have kid issues and not feel like you have someones entire weight of their world on your shoulders to carry around.
This. It has nothing to do
This.
It has nothing to do with her sexuality and everything to do with her level of maturity in facing the facts of life, and dealing with them in a responsible, adult way.
Be careful as you may get dragged down with her, as evidenced by the fact that she is already using you because you provide the financial stability in the relationship. She bought you a ring--the only thing I could think of was: I hope it was her own money, otherwise YOU bought yourself a ring.
Thanks for all the comments
Thanks for all the comments but you guys are horrible at giving advice and after this entry I am no longer going to use this anymore...I hear a lot of ppl say in the children deserve to be with their father ( and let's make it clear they were never married)....now yes she has some issue I agree but they doesn't mean she doesn't deserve her children.How would you feel if the person you were with for almost 11 yes abused you mental and physically denied your first child, beat you with your second while leaving you at the alter pregnant. To make matters worst, when you finally come out being true to yourself, he calls C.P.S on you take you to court, proves he is better at taking care of the children (meanwhile he works with the C.P.S worker and the Law Guardian) mind you she was breast feeding her 9 month old. As far as the working when I met her she did have a job until this happened she just gave up..she did everything for court and nothing has changed. So when I was looking for advice I wasn't looking for judgment or for anyone to put my partner down, I understand you all are entitled to your opinion but maybe when you all are giving advice you shouldn't be so brutal take the persons feeling into consideration. I was looking more for way to talk to her, therapy you know thing of that sort...thanks but no thanks