BM's new proposal: thoughts??? So irritated
So we got the paperwork from BM's lawyer stating that we are to go to court May 7th for a hearing regarding parenting time because BM is objecting to the referee denying her motion to lower SO's time back in March.
Well, she wanted to go from SO having SD every 4 days for 2 days (2-4-2-4 schedule) to SO having SD EVERY OTHER WEEKEND.
THEN she just emailed him today proposing that he take SD EVERY WEEKEND, but Sunday and Monday as the weekend since those are his days off and "since it's the same days he could get a better job".
umm no bitch, his days with SD have no bearing on him getting a new job and umm no sorry but there is NO reason why we should have to take her EVERY SUNDAY/MONDAY when right now those ARE his only days off (for the most part) and sometimes we make plans weeks in advance for THOSE DAYS. Not to mention we are trying to make time to go visit family and since we are not allowed to take SD even an hour away from our house when are we EVER going to be able to do this?
And I HAVE to visit, my mother passed recently and I am supposed to be bringing her ashes to them, but apparently mine and our family don't matter.
What do you think we should do?
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I would also like to point
I would also like to point out that he is in the process of interviewing for a new position and Sunday/monday will NO longer be his days off, not to mention if we were going by her logic, SHE should not be able to have SD AT ALL since SHE works and leaves her in daycare ALL DAY EVERY DAY. At least here she is with SO all day before he goes to work and when he does get his new job she won't be in daycare, she'll be with me.
Not sure how old SD is, but
Not sure how old SD is, but it is reasonable to request that visitation take place on weekends. This will allow for a routine for SD for school and weekend activities.
I'm not sure what the entire back story is, but try to take a breath and assume that BM is actually asking for what she thinks is the best for her daughter in regards to her father. It makes sense that a mom would want a father to spend time with his child on his days off. She may not know that he is looking to change his hours, job, etc.
Regarding your trip to see family, sometimes you will need to adjust schedules for the kids' schedules. It's not fun, but it is part of stepping and shared custody arrangements. Does DH want more time with SD? Then that can ultimately be the goal and then you won't have to worry about cutting visits short.
...just another perspective.
It IS reasonable. If you are
It IS reasonable. If you are dealing with a reasonable, mature adult.
It is when you are dealing with a freak of nature hosebeast that they try to control the ex's life with crap like this.
Oh, I don't know. Sounds like
Oh, I don't know. Sounds like BM would just like to have a chunk of every weekend free. I doubt she has such noble intentions as you state above. If she REALLY wanted dad to have visitation, why would she try to get it reduced????
This seems like classic
This seems like classic negotiation strategy. Come in asking for more than what you'll realistically get, and hope to fall out somewhere in the middle.
If BM came in asking for exactly what she wanted, she'd be left negotiating for less.
It's just a shame that determing the time each child spends with their parents is reduced to "negotiations" .. and not two parent working together for what's best for the kid
Exactly. And since BM is
Exactly. And since BM is opening up the custody case, then DH should go in and ask for more time and any other things he would like: extended holidays, summer, etc.
Back story: SD is 3, we got
Back story:
SD is 3, we got a CO stating every Sunday and evo Friday for a few hours when she was 1. Last July, we sat down with BM and decided on a 2-4-2-4 schedule BECAUSE it was more stable and allowed SO more time with SD.
BM wanted this because the days staggered so SHE could have some weekends off and SO wanted this because he would have SD 2 nights in a row and would see her WAY more often.
NOW, BM is going back and saying that the schedule SHE wanted is no longer "stable" and wants to him to have every other weekend.
She took it to mediation and was denied.
She is objecting to her denial.
She is now proposing that he have her EVERY Sunday/monday which theoretically fine, but her reasons are NOT in SDs best interest.
And SO is already getting a new job (probably) and those will no longer be his days off.
Well if this is the agreement
Well if this is the agreement she agreed to, I'm not sure she's got much leg to stand on in regards to a change. Our courts require something substantial to have changed before they'll entertain petitions for custody modifications.
However, once she gets to be school age, this can be a pretty disruptive schedule for her. And in certain cases, reaching school age can be considered enough of a change in the situation for a revisit of custody.
He works second shift right
He works second shift right now so he is home all day and puts her to bed THEN goes to work. She is in preschool right now and will be starting a more regular school next year. The PLAN last summer was to have this schedule until she started school more regularly then go to a 50/50 even split.
The current schedule is just a stepping stone as he has slowly been trying to gain more time since she was born.
I see your point. I don't
I see your point. I don't think that any judge will take time AWAY from DH unless he's proving to be unfit or something (doesn't sound like it).
There are other ways to work scheduling too; like other posters have said, more school-centric routines are pretty common once they hit kindergarten.
Do you guys have a different plan in place for the 50/50 even split schedule? Maybe that's what you counter-offer to BM now instead of this 2-4 arrangement. If you get something closer to what you'll want in the long run, it may help prevent going through this process again next year.
she wouldn't agree last
she wouldn't agree last summer to a 50/50 split so to make her more comfortable we proposed the 2-4-2-4 which she was fine with until she starts school full time (kindergarten) which should be in the next year or so. There is absolutely NO reason for her to want to change the schedule NOW other then we think because her boyfriend has HIS kids every other weekend so she was trying to sync up the schedules or something :/
The current schedule has been working without flaw for almost a year and is perfectly fine for a 3 year old.
Two thoughts: 1) Take the
Two thoughts:
1) Take the opportunity to ask for 50/50
2) Why oh why couldn't she have just spoken with you two about it? Why does it have to be court all the time? (I guess that one's more of a hypothetical question. }:) )
So under this 2-4-2-4
So under this 2-4-2-4 schedule, SO basically gets skid 3/7 days in a week? That's just shy of 50% of the time over the course of a year.
If BM is taking him to court for a modification anyway, I think SO should go and ask for the 50/50 split now. She doesn't have to agree; it's going to court anyway .. but at a minimum, you'll walk away with exactly what you have now .. 43%.
No matter what happens, don't let SO think he has to agree to less than the 2-4-2-4 schedule .. no judge will take time away .. but this presents an opportunity to ask for the 50/50.
He would but we can't afford
He would but we can't afford a lawyer and we would have to file a motion for change in custody (ABSOLUTELY NO MONEY). Right now he is going there himself against her and her lawyer and hoping that the judge sees that she is a vindictive petty moron. I updated on what shes emailing him now.
Dh can file a statement with
Dh can file a statement with the court clerk that documents his wishes and what he would be willing to agree to. Since she filed the motion, he has the opportunity to respond and there will be no fees associated with his doing so.
Just make sure that his statement is factual and presents him as a reasonable person.
Is there a reason you say
Is there a reason you say this:
Since we are not allowed to take SD even an hour away from our house
Because if that is not stipulated in his court then why would you abide by this?
If you are your shooting yourself in the foot.