Oh we'll "never beat you" eh?
So the past 2 days have been mildly hell dealing with the constant texts from BM with her verbal abuse.
I THOUGHT that we had decided to get in contact with our lawyer and proceed with taking her to court yet again to try for 50/50.
Well, FMIL calls SO last night and convinced him to just go through a referee first because apparently 9 times out of 10 if the referee is on your side, then eventually the judge will be too because judges are apt to agree with a referee ect ect...
well that is NOT the story I got.
SO calls me last night from work and says that FMIL told him to just file a petition to go in front of the referee to get Fridays switched to Wednesdays.
UMM hell no! Getting your parenting time switched to a different day in this case just because BM fucked with your schedule (see last blog) in no way benefits SD, the referee will laugh in his face! So a huge argument ensued, boy was I pissed. there is no way in hell we were going to waste 100 dollars filing this referee paperwork for a day change that accomplishes NOTHING.
finally I hung up on him and called FMIL myself because I know she would not suggest something so assinine.
nope. once again, I have proven the point that SO does not listen to anything that anyone tells him ever. That whole argument could have been avoided had he just pulled his head out of his butt and actually listened to what FMIL was telling him.
FMIL suggested that we petition to go in front a referee with BM and ask for Wed. overnights in ADDITION to our Sunday and Friday overnights, and to change the Every other friday from 5-9 pm to just a straight up overnight, that way is 3 overnights a week period.
His reasoning is that as SD gets older she needs more stability and going a week with out seeing her dad is not good (how would you guys word that? )
This way he gets to see her every 3 days.
I think this is reasonable, our lawyer did say we have to take baby steps in this system and I think getting 1 and a half additional overnights is certainly feasible if we build this case correctly.
what do you guys think?
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I think you're in for a
I think you're in for a difficult, uphill battle.
You have Wed overnight now, correct? And then EO Friday night overnight, plus the other Friday evenings. Sunday overnights. Yes?
What you want to change it to is:
Every Wed, Fri, and Sun overnight.
Correct?
Oh I know, we've been in this
Oh I know, we've been in this uphill battle for over a year now. Its hard to forget when your life is consumed by documenting, recording and evidence lol
Right now per CO we have her
EVERY Sun overnight
EVERY OTHER friday overnight and
EVERY OTHER friday from 5-9 pm
SO wants to go in front of a referee and try to get it to
EVERY Sunday overnight
EVERY Friday overnight (minus the bullshit 4 hours every other week)
EVERY Wednesday overnight
I think this is feasible personally, he is only adding techinically one overnight and eliminating the 4 hour periods so its a more stable schedule.
I think you need to re-think
I think you need to re-think your plan.
What you are asking will QUADRUPLE the number of his monthly overnights. (He currently has 6 a month, he is asking for 6 a week.)
Also not in your favor: bouncing a toddler between homes on a nearly daily basis. That is NOT stability. In any language.
I have a feeling you will spend tons of money and energy and time on this and wind up with very little, if any, change from the current order. (I have done a successful change of custody, too.)
Finally, NOT in your favor is this child's age: 2, right?
You will likely have to get a GAL report done, the kid is young, mom is primary parent, and mom has a restraining order against you for violen stalking (that was you, right?) Honestly, I don't see a chance in hell that the GAL would recommend this custody request.
I would think having his days
I would think having his days be consecutive would help with her stabilty. Why are all his overnights broken up like that?
I think you should push for
I think you should push for 50/50. It gets confusing for this kids. Our Steps never knew which house they were waking up at. They asked for more consistency, so we went for one week on and one week off. They were much happier. It also stopped some of the contact with BM, since they just get off the bus at one and on at the other on Mondays....
So you have to take her home
So you have to take her home sat, just to get her again sun? Im confused
That is what I was wondering.
That is what I was wondering. If they do not want to do week on week off. At least to the 3/4 - 4/3 schedule.
The proposed schedule will get old really quick!
I think this is too confusing
I think this is too confusing and needs to be more stable sorry but I think going a week on and week off is better, the kids won't be as confused. Too hard on a kid that young to go back and forth that many days a week.
To peanut and Jsmom: the days
To peanut and Jsmom: the days are every 3 days because he doesnt want to push it too far right now. He thinks that it will offer stability to have her every three days than every 4 or 5 days you know?
JSmom: ideally, I want to go for 50/50 but at this point I agree with our lawyer at taking baby steps. We are in MI and our judge is a certifiable golden uterus worshipping prick. Going for 3 days a week instead of full 50/50 and just slowly gaining more time with SD really is the way to go in this case sadly.
Also, when they went in mediation the mediator basically told SO that he had no hope of getting SD 2 or more overnights in a row until after she is 3.
So we're doing it this way first, SD will be 3 in November and guaranteed BM will fuck up some more by then and we can continue the process then.
Fingers crossed and prayers heard that we at least get the 3 days that we are asking for you know?
well i am trying to look out
well i am trying to look out for everyones best interest here. Any one have any arrangement suggestions then that are actually feasible? the judge is not going to give him overnights in a row at this point.
I would wait til she is 3 and
I would wait til she is 3 and then go from there with more evidence when you have a better chance. that way you are not spending more money for possibly the same thing you have now when you said yourself the judge won't give more time til she is 3 anyway.
It seems a waste of money, time, and pointless to do it now when you will do it again in less then a year.
I dont think its a waste of
I dont think its a waste of time because we have a strong case right now and if we wait any longer than what we do have as reason or "evidence" will be obsolete. I know what you mean though...this is just really hard to constantly be in and we are doing our best. we cant just sit by and deal when there is something we can be doing you know?
What facts make your case
What facts make your case "strong?"
The fact that we had her
The fact that we had her every day as "babysitters" from 7am to 9pm for 5 months straight until BM got "pissed" about something.
The fact that BM got fired from one job and quit the other and hasnt been working for the past month.
The fact that BM lost her apartment and is living in her sisters basement.
The pages and pages of texts and emails of her telling him that he can have extra time with her and then not giving it.
these all show that SO can have more time and BM is willing to give it to him.
AND it shows a drastic change in SDs circumstances.
I thought it was a good case when we wanted to go for 50/50 but now everyone is saying that he will never get 2 overnights in a row....this is really stressful and I dont know what to now.
Ok, devil's advocate: 1. It
Ok, devil's advocate:
1. It isn't babysitting when it's your kid. It's parenting.
2. Irrelevant. Working or not doesn't matter. Also, in today's economy, being unemployed means nothing. Hell, my ex hasn't worked in over 3 years.
3. Irrelevant. She is living with family in a suitable environment.
4. Irrelevant. She changed her mind. She offered to give him "extra" time that isn't court ordered, and then changed her mind.
Also, just because an attorney TELLS you it's a strong case does not make it so. They get paid win or lose. Keep that in your back pocket.
I need to read a little more history? Are you the one who wants SO to get 50/50 and not have to pay CS so you can stay with him??
and yes, it would be ideal
and yes, it would be ideal for SOs CS to cease or at least be cut down dramatically but I am looking out for SD. I want more time with her just as much as SO does and we ARE doing this for her. Baby steps, we cant just keep going to court asking for 50/50 just to be shut down each time.
idk, I thought this schdule was ok for now, and I dont really think it will be that hard on her....not any harder than moving 4 different times in the past year and living in a moldy basement with BM anyway.
We use to do the same type of
We use to do the same type of schedule. We did middle of the week exchanges. Our children struggled with this. As it seemed to be stressful for them. Trying to remember what day of the week it is are they going to mom's or going to dads? And then the forgetting this or forgetting that from one house to another was over the top. Kids just forget stuff. My daughter finally moved in with me her senior year after much battling with her father. She actually just packed her things and told him if he wanted to fight it then call the police but she wasn't "backpacking" anymore. It was too hard on her. During our mediation our son actually had suggestions (he was 12) he asked if we could do a trial run of 7 days on 7 days off. I was devastated at the thought of going 7 days without him. For the past 10 years I had seen him every day because my ex dropped him with me every morning for school (his work schedule was 5am start). So it was a pretty big change for me. Since this new schedule my ex and his GF would be figuring something out to get him to school etc without bringing him to my home every morning.
But we have now been doing this for 2 years and my son has more stability then when we were shuffling through out the week. There is less forgetting and less drama. And it seems there is less asking to switch this day for that day for what ever reason which always seemed to cause drama.
Just food for thought for you guys. Good luck
Yup. This.
Yup. This.
I don't see a problem with
I don't see a problem with your arrangement. DH and BM divorced when SD was 2 and were awarded 50/50 custody. Because of her young age they came to some sort of weird arrangement where she went between them nearly every day. One parent had her Tu and Th of one week and then Mo, We, Fr, Sa, Su the next week. This way, she didn't go more than three days without seeing either parent. And all of these were overnights.
have to agree...and also have
have to agree...and also have to say that where I live, having 50/50 parenting time does not mean no child support - but man oh man, I bet my XH wishes it does. He and I do one week on, one week off, and he still pays me a boatload of child support...
Asking for 50/50 was his way of trying to reduce his child support - lol!! He is paying me just slightly more than he was when he didn't have the kids half of the time....ha ha XH
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I have to tell you AA...this is terrible. i never would have seen you this way. sorry.
Why do you think this is
Why do you think this is funny? Pay for your own parenting time!!
Not sure if you are talking
Not sure if you are talking to me, but I just copied and pasted the top portion. My comment is under the +++++++
ok just to clarify, Im not in
ok just to clarify, Im not in this so that SO never as to pay child support. That is ridiculous and I must have miscontrued myself here. I know that even with 50/50 he will have to pay something.
I was saying that I do not want to get married right NOW because he is paying astronomical amounts and the "visitation" is ridiculous.
yes, ideally I would love to have SD one week and BM have her the next week and so on but right now that is not possible. That is what everyone has told us.
RIGHT NOW we have a strong case and I think just the fact that we are not just sitting back and waiting out shows that we are fighting for time with SD..and I dont want the time we did have to become irrelevant.
Because temp orders DO become permanent the longer the child is in it.
Its a catch 22 either we take baby steps and nothing happens, or we go for 50/50 right now and nothing happens or we wait a few months and try for 50/50 but then all this documentation that we have for the past year would be irrelevant and obsolete.
We are damned if we do damned if we dont, I am simply trying to find the best way that is convenent for everyone and is good for SD, because no, in this case being with "mommy" full time is not the best answer.
I agree that in some cases mother knows best and I beleive that there is a chemical bond between a mother and her child at birth but in this case it is not the case. Obviously you guys dont have all the history but I was asking for any other suggestions schedule wise.
Everyone seems to think im money grubbing or something and that is not the case. Yes, I this entire situation is unfair to say the least but I am thinking of the future.
SD should be with us more time because whats going to happen if we continue to only see her twice a week and in 4 years she decides that daddy is touching her? what then? If we have her more often, we can at least try to forge boundaries and relationships so that when she is old enough to manipulate on BMs part we might be able to undo some of the damage.
you saw from the texts that its already begun, I am just looking out for all of our futures...
I got the impression that
I got the impression that your SO is fine with the arrangement as it is, and YOU are the one who told him it needs to change if you two are going to have a future.
That's not a good motivation going into court.
What is he paying in CS a month?
He is NOT fine with how it is
He is NOT fine with how it is he is just very non confrontational and doesnt like to "rock the boat" so to speak.
And I didn't give him an ultimatum I don't how you would have gotten that idea, I don't really understand how my character is being attacked now because I am trying to help him.
No, I will not marry someone that is at another womans beck and call and who is supporting another womans lifestyle.
Working on custody issues is the first step to alleviating the problem.
You all are making me sound like a selfish brat and that is not the case at all so Im a little confused and hurt here.
He is currently paying her 600 a month which includes childcare, even though SD is not in daycare as BM isnt working and he was paying childcare during the 5 months that we had her every day too.
$600 a month is not an
$600 a month is not an astronomical amount. There are SMs here who have to watch $2000 a month fly out the door.
to us for one child it
to us for one child it is...and Im sorry Im trying really hard to remember that you guys are just offering your opinions but judging me on what we think is alot of effing money for a 2 year old is ridiculous.
Im done with this thread now, thanks for your input everyone Ill let you know what we decide to do and if it works out or not.
maybe we'll just sit here and continue with everything the way it is and then act surprised when SD turns into a little shit in a few years because we didnt even try to intervene.