Do you think a marriage can work if you don't like his family?
I hate his parents. I know hate is a strong word. Some people say, "blah blah you shouldn't hate, blah blah" I say "there are 3 people I hate. My ex and fdh parents."
I don't want to go into extreme details about them, it would take up an entire blog, or two or three. In a nutshell, I believe that there truly is people in this world who are just ugly inside.
So, like I said I hate his parents. They know this, and the feeling is mutual. Do they hate me too? I dunno if they hate me per se, but they have no issue with disowning people, family members in their life, for life!
We do not speak. I do not see them. IF I do see them it is for a birthday party that is at a family member's home. I do not attend any functions that is at their home, and to date they do not attend anything at my home.
FDH and I do have a child together. His parents have nothing to do with her, which is fine by me.
Where does FDH stand in all this?! He doesn't like it but knows there isn't anything he can do about it. He does not try to push any issues and we do not discuss ANYTHING pertaining to his family. His siblings are alright. I can handle their company for the short periods of time I see them. WHEN we see them.
Obviously the family isn't that close, so we don't see or talk to them a whole lot. Except the parents. He DOES, I don't.
As far as our "blended" family it is NOT. It is his, mine, and ours. I have lived in the step dynamics for my whole life, I know not to expect a fairy tale. I do not have great expectations or even unrealistic expectations for how we are so called suppose to blend.
The conversation has come up several times between fdh and me, and when I sit and quietly think about it, (like now) I know that sometimes me not wanting to has to do with the fact that I don't like his family.
I need to hear from you ladies (and gents) that don't like the in-laws. I know it is common to not like the in-laws but I am not the type of person to just be nice for that short visit. You can cut the tension with a knife. Not just on my side, but their side too. I am too old to feel it is necessary to go visit with people I would just assume to never see their face ever again.
Some might say also to "suck it up for my partner." Well, we don't have that kind of relationship. I believe part of the reason he doesn't press any issues is because he knows his parents don't like me either. He doesn't want them to feel uncomfortable.
It sounds all ideal doesn't it. I don't like them, they don't like me, we don't have to see each other, partner doesn't push it. SO what's the problem? Yeah, that's my question too what is the problem? Why do I feel it might be a problem?
*sigh*
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Comments
an evil spell? does this
:jawdrop: an evil spell? }:)
does this blossoming relationship you have with them effect your marriage?
Friends, I can do the
Friends, I can do the friends. Well, honestly he doesn't have the best taste for who he was hangin with. Short version, his priorities changed and their's did not so he doesn't really hang with those riff raff anymore. He is fine with that. I had nothing to do with that. Directly anyway.
Ha, I make it sound like he has no friends. Gawd, were losers! LMAO
We really don't have a close group we hang with on a regular basis. We hang often with my cousin's, and their families. He gets along great with them.
Like I said, I know I am probably having the issue with it all and I don't really know why. Maybe it is his relationship that he has with his parents. He knows they are so called ugly, he knows I am not the only one who doesn't like them. He too has stated that he wouldn't do this or that if they weren't his parents, etc....
I think kind of what scares me is the fact that I have felt in the past he has put his parents before me. I use to say that there was 4 of us in the relationship.
There has been things here and there that he has been trying for a few months now to prove he is "independant" from them. It has been good, it has helped also, but maybe enough time hasn't passed yet for me to have my guard down.
My husband and I have been
My husband and I have been together for 24 years. It only took me the third visit to realize there were things about husband's family that I did not like. Like you, I could list the weird behaviors that made me keep my distance. His parents would just land on us in heir camper for 3 weeks at a time and expect me to cook all the meals and clean up around them while they sat and slept on the couch and took up our computers. By the time they were ready to go home I would be nearly bonkers and my husband was even looking forward to them leaving. Things only got worse and as much as I treid to be a part, keep my mouth shut and go along to be a part of my husband's family I finally had to just stop. I stopped going to all functions and get togethers many years ago, I attend nothing that family attends. I do not have them on FaceBook. I just cut all ties. I wish I could have been the type that made positive things out of negative situations but their ways....their humor, the way they communicated with each other and what they saw as acceptable were just too much for my brain. Cutting ties was the best thing for me but husband and I certainly had our struggles over it. He accepts it now and like you, his family is not even part of conversation in our home. He does whatever he wants to do with them and I have no involvement. It was my choice and I am happy with that choice.
My question would be, how do some people make these situations work.....there are alot of epople bothered by their inlaws but somehow they can put up with the garbage and keep attending functions. They might gripe but they don't cut them out completely. How come some of us have to cut these people out while others can make it work??
I wouldn't say I hate my in
I wouldn't say I hate my in laws per se but I'd be happy if I never saw them again. When DH and I got together everything was fine, I supposed. MIL is one of the most negative people I've ever known and can find fault in anything and will complain about it until the cows come home. That's annoying enough. MIL is DH's mom and FIL is DM's dad (DH's step-dad) so I'm sure you can imagine that is awkward at times. I actually used to like FIL, he's a pretty decent dude but over the past 4 years they have become progressively worse about trying to demand my little family spends holidays and other special times as a big happy family with BM, too. Um no. We had to explain to them it wasn't happening now and would never happen and they basically told my husband to take his balls back and tell me to eff off. There have been other incidents that have lead me to me less than fond of the in-laws but that was the one that sealed the deal.
Oh, and it does cause a
Oh, and it does cause a little strife in my relationship with DH. He just wants everyone to get along and I now try my damndest to not go to functions where the in-laws will be, too. I have a stressful job and the last thing I want to do with my free time is add more stress.
My MIL is set on having a
My MIL is set on having a close ass relationship with BM. In fact they are at the beach together right now. MIL is polite to me but there is a language barrier and a culture barrier and frankly her one and a half month long visit here in our one bedroom apartment with her 16 year old daughter (FDH's half sister) is really wearing on me.
It so strange to me and almost ironic because I have always heard stories about people hating their in-laws but I have always been very well liked by all of my ex's parents. It's such an annoying little detail that nobody really thinks about when choosing a mate.
But, hey, there could be a lot of worse things to deal with. Hell just look at some of these other posts on here.
In your case, if you guys have already sort of agreed to disagree then just leave it alone. Maybe you could make an extra effort to be very polite to them when you do see them once in a blue moon, especially in front of DH, to maybe win brownie points for being the bigger person. But if DH isnt saying anything about your relationship with them and they arent around all that much then no need to change anything.
I hate and I mean hate all my
I hate and I mean hate all my in laws. And my husband comes from a large family, parents and many siblings.
I can only describe them as trash. But then again so was his ex wife.
Your better then me, youll stand in a room with them at a function. I wont even do that and dh knows it. Their local too and sd has enlisted them on her side. So dh and sd see them i dont and it works out fine
The only person who has to
The only person who has to like you is DH. A grown man is with who he wants to be, even if his mommy doesnt like her! :evil:
My Inlaws are truly heinous
My Inlaws are truly heinous people. Liars, thiefs, addicts. I've never personally known such despicable people, I did not know just how despicable they were until years into the marriage. I knew there were so e questionable things, but u sucked it up and tried real hard. Did holidays with them at our home, invited them for dinner, invited them to all the kids activities, made sure they had cards/ gifts on occasions. Little by little I could see what horrId people they werE so I slowly backed away. Initially it did cause some tension with dh- he was in major denial about them, but fortunately we didn't have to see a lot of them since dh was out of town so much.
Eventually it became hugely apparent to dh how horrid they were and now currently he doesn't have a relationship with them either.
I don't know if its a problem that you all don't like each other. I think it is a problem if they are talking badly about you to him, not respecting your relationship, etc. some people just don't mesh well. I personally agree in terms of deciding it that life is too short to waste it hanging out with people that don't like you and that you don't like. To me, the key is whether they are trying to come between you and your dh or disrespecting you in anyway. One of the things I really wanted is for dh to discover on his own how heinous they were- I didn't want to push him into ending his relationship with them.