Very thankful I found this site. It's helped me feel a little better last night. My girlfriend and I got together a few years back after her divorce (he wasn't the father of either child). I was 5 or so years out of a 12yr long relationship where I ended up having to move back to my hometown and live with my parents in my mid 30s, and probably was still not ready to move too quickly into another one, but she was. And so we did lol. She moved into a rental house once she got out of the house she had with her ex and I practically ended up moving in. Things were good, got along with her kids, and they were both gone to their fathers every other weekend. She also seemed to make more time for just us back then, even when kids were there. 

The owner of the lot and rental house got an offer for the lot and sold it out from under her and she had to move out within a month of them notifying her. Needless to say she had gone through a lot in the past year and this on top was very upsetting. I told her I would try to help her out and we ended up buying a house together. Things were still going good, but for some reason it seems as if both of her kids became even more attached to the hip of their mother after the move. The daughter started going to her POS fathers less (used to be every other week during the summer, but last summer maybe 2 weeks total) and her son's POS father decided, since his son was so attached to his mother and would get upset every time he had to go there, that he didn't want him coming anymore. 

So now they are pretty much in our home all the time, never a weekend alone in our own house anymore. I'd bet this last summer they were inside, just lounging around, eating everything, letting the dog piss all over the house, and staring at their phones 90% of the time. What the hell happened to kids enjoying the outdoors, exploring, playing tag, baseball, football, riding bikes, fishing? I spent most of summer days as a kid outside. 

About 2 years ago is when things started going downhill. Her daughter has ADHD and never cleans up after herself or her own bedroom. So, one weekend while the daughter was gone her mother, after telling her multiple times to clean her room and nothing happening, decided to go through and bag up all the clothes piled everywhere and clean it for her. In doing that she found a dildo, a vape cartridge, and stuff out of my bathroom drawer rolled up in a pair of shorts. She got "grounded" or whatever you would call her mother's version of grounded. So, when I grew up every kid I knew, including myself, when caught stealing was made to go apologize to the person they stole from. Nothing was ever said to me. I get that it was just cheap tweezers and fingernail clippers but she knew that drawer was all my stuff. It bothered me, but I said nothing until recently. Then I think she started telling her mom she was having issues with anxiety, I believe to get sympathy. She is a major attention seeker. Everything she does just comes off as so fake to me, all for more attention. And she isn't a good actress. So, she starts going to a therapist and the therapist agrees and puts her on depression meds, wtf. I have anxiety issues and have had many panic attacks since my childhood. I have never seen someone with anxiety problems behave the way she does, but she does have a hyperactivity disorder that no one seems to want to point out. She's also been caught in multiple lies and wouldn't doubt if she lies to the therapist. Ever since all of that her daughter and I have butted heads with me losing my cool on multiple occasions and cussing her out. And, of course, when this happens her mother gets mad at me, takes her side, and then tells her to just ignore me. Whether I am in the wrong or not speaking to your kids the way I do when I get frustrated, you should talk to me about it and not join sides with your kids against me. She treats them more like friends sometimes than her children. It also didn't help that after all that she moved her daughter to the spare bedroom downstairs (2nd largest bedroom in the house) after my father and I had redone the floor and repainted the walls . I told my girlfriend I didn't want that and would not be happy if she moved her loud mouth down next to the room I spend most of my time. The room was meant to have a spare bed in for guests and have room for her craft stuff and my art stuff. I feel like she rewarded her daughter instead of punishing. She said she had already told her she could move down there and couldn't tell her no now.... Why the hell not, you're the parent. I was on the verge of moving out. She said she didn't think it bothered me that much when I told her beforehand it was going to. We are supposed to be partners in this house where we should each have a say, the 2 of us. The kids don't make the house payment. I would never do something she was totally against.

They both get in these moods where they treat their mother like shit and I love her and want to protect her so I lose my cool in those situations too. And I'm the bad guy again. Being treated and feeling as if I am the asshole. I get these kids both have non-existent fathers and that probably causes many issues, but you can't let them get away with things and not discipline them because of that. She will get on to them for something and then 20 minutes later I'll hear them upstairs giggling having a damn tickle fight, wtf. I guess I was just raised a certain way and expect kids to be parented in the same way, but I'm not sure that any kids are anymore. They are all given phones (which is something else I wouldn't allow my kids to have if I had any, if they did it would be for calling/texting only, no tictoc and youtube) and allowed to do as they please. Little things like asking if they can have a snack or something. Her son will just invite friends over without asking. These kids just treat the house and everything in it as if it were theirs. They just grab what they want. It's gradually worn me down to where I feel like I complain and get pissed all the time over most things they do. We have a split-level house and the TV room is on a lower level. These kids are oblivious to people around them. They stomp up and down the stairs like flat-footed neanderthals, they run and jump all over the place upstairs and yell for their mother expecting her to come running. I was raised in a family where the horseplay was taken outside and the only yelling was done by the parents unless it was important. Obviously, I want them to feel at home in our house but they don't seem to understand that if it wasn't for me, they wouldn't be living in this house. 

I've talked to my girlfriend on many occasions about these issues and other things like getting them to do chores around the house. She'll do it for a week or so, they'll do some of them, then it just goes back to them leaving messes everywhere and her running herself ragged to clean up after them. They should have to do their part. They are both old enough to at the very least clean up after themselves. I like to cook and haven't done that in months, because every time I walk in there the sink is full of dishes. And I say, you know you have 2 kids that could do these dishes right? I feel like they are just draining her and my complaints just drain her more. I don't want to do that but it's gotten to where it's hard to keep my mouth shut. It doesn't really feel like my home anymore. I stay out in the garage with my dog a lot of the time anymore. He doesn't talk back and is pretty quiet lol. I feel like the things I ask for aren't a lot, but she doesn't seem to understand my point of view. She just wants her kids happy. Maybe I would be the same way, but I don't know. I'm sure it is extremely difficult being a single parent with kids that only have dead beat dads. The closest thing I know to being a father is being an uncle, but you don't really have to do much disciplining as an uncle. I understand it's totally different and a lot more fun than being a parent. But you can't treat your kids the same way. 

Well, I got out a lot of what I wanted to rant about out I think lol. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make this work and have suggested couples therapy, so maybe she can understand my point of view a little better and I can understand hers. I've read a few posts very similar to mine and some that made me think I have it a lot easier, so thank you. Any advice would be much appreciated.