Hi everyone,

This is a bit strange for me, I was randomly searching the net looking for answers in a lot of aspects of my relationship and step parenting. So I will try my best to explain this situation and hopefully I can get some good insight or hear similar stories.

I have been with my girlfriend who has 3 children. 2 daughters 13 and 8, one son 12.Her oldest daughter and son belong to 1 guy and the 8 year old to her most recent (whom she is battling in court) So to kind of give you a background on my relationship. I met my girlfriend through another friend I was in a band with. Long story short I knew him really well and to say the least he was a heavy drug user, and at times abusive to the 2 kids he was not the Biological parent for.

Long story short , his wife and I always had great conversations and had much in common to talk about, she eventually would tell me the things that were going on in the house when i could tell something was wrong. Now she and I started talking a lot on the phone, when she was out of town for work.Her husband actually told her to talk to me because I was single and that I probably had nothing better to do ....(not a lie)

So anyways nothing ever happened between us sexually at any point. But we did understand we had feelings for each other. She had been trying to leave him for years , so finally she had told him she wasn't happy and that she wanted out. Well he flipped out once he knew that she started having feelings for me, naturally. So another long story short , he kicked her out of the house and the kids minus his 8 year old. Now I wont get into too much there , but she bought the house as she worked 2 jobs, and it was her parents help as well, when she put the downpayment on the house.

At that time I was single for many years , and I really loved her and the kids getting to know them all those years, and I wanted to do something to help them. So i moved out of my apt, and her and i rented a house close to where the kids went to school , so it wouldn't affect too much more in their lives. Anyways , they are still battling in court , she wanted her 8 year old to live with us , so eventually she got primary, but he refuses to pay child support and he is trying to go for alimony as well. She makes about 10 000 more than him a year and has 3 kids with her, so not sure where he thinks that will happen....

The father of the other 2 kids does not pay child support either , once in awhile he will start random jobs and family maitence will find him and force him to pay something, but he also basically hides.For me m I tried to be the supporting boyfriend and not letting any of this get to me. But when her recent ex husband hired his sister as his attorney they basically put us into debt around 50 000. Eventually she got booted because it was a conflict of interest when it came to child support.

Hope you are still reading haha. So last year and 50 000 dollars later we were able to get her house back and move into here from our rental we were temporarily living in. The kids were all very happy to be back in their rooms and life started moving again. Then I guess I started trying my hand at being a really good step dad . For me and everyone that knew me , just saw me as the fun loving ,easy going , bachelor who never wanted kids. Then overnight I took on a full family and all that came with it.

Me being overtly confident figured, since the kids all already knew me and 2 of them really genuinely liked me. The biological 8 yr old daughter of her recent ex had a really tough time for a few months , naturally. But I really let her have space and let the mom deal with any outbursts and comforting. Basically I played a friend role at first. Eventually all the kids loved spending time with me and always enjoyed it if I could tuck them in at night and read to them. There were plenty of times over the course of the year I wanted to start implementing small chores into their lives, because at the same time their mom felt so bad for this mess , she basically let them get away with anything.

For me I disagreed and figured she should be keeping them in any routines chore wise at least they had before the disruption. So when I started asking 2 of the kids to do the dishwasher or cleaning their rooms .It would end up in huffs , puffs, or just walking off ignoring. The youngest girl we never gave chores because we felt she is too young still. But that causes jealousy with the other 2 kids almost always.

Anyways I think in the course of our relationship I had shouted at them over chores maybe 4-6 times. Nothing vulgur , just raising my voice. Then just feeling like dirt. I went and saw a councellor on how to become a better stepparent and how to handle these situations better.And he gave me a lot of tools to work with that helped!

Now , as of the last few months. I usually did things with my band who i record music with and did my own hobbies on weekends. The mom would be around doing her own thing and she would take the kids out for awhile to a lake or a restaurant and what have you.Last week, she had told me she just wanted "space" and didn't know how she felt about me anymore and that she felt drained, because I seemed to nag on the kids a lot for chores and basically I was getting angry that the fathers of these kids didn't pay a dollar and in fact one of them were burying us in debt. Basically I signed my cheques from work over and she did her best but we were coming up short every month just from the turmoil of her court battle.

She is still legally married because the child support is still not taken care of. I am now staying in the basement for the last few weeks. Giving her space , but I told her i wanted to move out into an apt just a few minutes away. She agreed but wanted me to still see kids whenever I could. I have no problem with this because I do love them a lot and I want things to work out between their mother and I.

Basically I am wondering , should I just cut ties , seeing she just kind of seemed to give up and I feel really ripped off that my anger or nagging at the kids at times, or about her exes seems to have turned her off .But there were so many good times, it seems shes just forgetting. I know my main mistake was ,I should have just let her divorce get cleared and see where things were then. But I really felt and still do love them all more than I have ever loved anything. But I don't want to be desperate and clingy and staying in the basement and turn her off more.

There is so much more to this I know I am leaving out and it is probably a lot to take in. So if anyone did care enough to read this or understand it.Please respond and hopefully I can take something away from this. If I am not clear on something, I will try my best to clear it up.