CHILD SUPPORT STORY

So my friends dad left him when he was in 6th grade. His mom and brother were on their own. They all grew up had kids, they eventually after years and years tracked the dad down and discovered the dad had $32,000 in savings for a boat. Their mother was awarded the $32K. The boys expected to split it 3 ways. They went with out a lot as kids. The mom gave them each $2000 and kept the rest. Is that fair?

My DH was only paying half his paycheck for a long time which didn't equal the amount owed so he was in arrears. He eventually paid a lump some of $3260. She bought a car. A car that blew up less than a year later. I say he has no say in how she spends child support money cause it's reimbursment. He says she's retarded. lol

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Completely fair....She was

Completely fair....She was the one that sacrificed for them.

They felt they sacrificed a

They felt they sacrificed a lot. They never got to do sports or extra curriculars, never got to go on vacations, worked jobs in highschool and paid for their own clothes etc... I don't think they should have had an equal cut as her but $2000 to her $28000 seems stingey to me.

Did she sacrifice having

Did she sacrifice having retirement savings so they could eat and have a place to live? Is she working beyond retirement age because she couldn't save money before?

There are a lot of families that can't afford the extracurriculars or vacations. I don't see that as a huge sacrifice on their part that mom needs to make up for now. Guessing she didn't get vacations or get to do a lot she might have liked to either. They all had to sacrifice. I am curious about her current financial situation because if she wasn't able to save much, is your friend going to be moving her in and taking care of her when she retires? Is he going to care for her and sacrifice for her when she's old the way she did when he was younger?

She went on vacation with the

She went on vacation with the money. She just graduated and she's at least in her 60's so she sacrifised doing something she was passionate about. She is married now and they live in an average condo in an average city. The one son is totally in a position NOW to help her out when she's old, he makes money hand over fist and just 2 years ago he was living in a trailer with his wife MIL and 2 kids.

that and school.

Did they pay rent, gas,

Did they pay rent, gas, lights, insurance...each month?

Did they pay their doctor/dental bills? Did they buy food each week?

Many kids in intact families don't get to take part in sports or go on vacations because their parents can't afford it.

This is the thing I relate to

This is the thing I relate to him about. NO she never took him to the doctor or dentist. My parents didn't take us either. Couldn't afford insurance. No dentist as a kid creates big problems as an adult. It was actually kind of funny that all my friends who grew up kind of poor all had braces in their late twenties that they paid for themselves.

I'm not buying they never

I'm not buying they never went to a doctor BS. I'm 45 and I could not go to school, day care, after school programs...without completing a physical and having an up to date shot record.

I had vaccines but NOTHING

I had vaccines but NOTHING after 5 years old. and as I said there were no sports or extra's that would have require physicals.

I'm with DF on this one. I

I'm with DF on this one. I am almost 50 and when I was in high school, my parents received notice that I was missing one vaccination. My parents were told that I could not return to school until I got it. So its difficult to believe that you never had any vaccines after the age of 5.

I'm 21 and the last time I

I'm 21 and the last time I saw an MD before BD2 was born was when I was 14 the times before that had been when I was 12 & 8.

I missed 30 days of school because my mother couldn't bother to take me to the doctor to get me an inhaler and insisted I was just faking it. When the school threatened to call CPS she took me to the health clinic and then cried when they said I did indeed have asthma. She said she couldn't afford it even though I found out later she had me on Medicaid the entire damn time. I got my inhaler prescription filled 1 time, then she would just send me to school even when I could barely breathe. School didn't care because she played the "poor single mother" card.

Welcome to the real world.

Yeah it must be nice to live

Yeah it must be nice to live in a world where it's unbelievable that children go with out medical treatment but it does happen. My mom still feels guilty for not getting my brother treatment for SEVERE cyst like acne and for me being sick with probably mono one entire summer. She carries a lot of guilt. This guys mom sort of had this "Here's $2000, I don't really owe you anything but here." Where i would think she would want to be more inclusive with them since they were all in the mess together.

How in the world are the kids

How in the world are the kids entitled to that money?!? An 8 year old doesn't pay for rent, food, bills etc. the MOM is the one that made sacrifices!!! Kids today are too damn entitled if you ask me!!!

Not entitled. I just know

Not entitled. I just know that if I was the mom I would have given my kids more knowing they went with out too. That they had jobs to provide themselves with things I couldn't and should have.

It didn't cause a feud in this family which is good but I understand their vent.

I know a man whose father

I know a man whose father left when he was little, mom raised him, when he turned 18 he went after all the back child support and got it, he got it, not his mom. He did take care of his mother until she died.

My DH didn't meet his dad til

My DH didn't meet his dad til he was 23 and his dad is being garnished for back child support but it's not going to neither him, his mom or his brother.

Personally I would have

Personally I would have wanted my kids to have more. that's just me. She didn't pay for their schooling, she didn't pay for them to have braces etc.. I have no insight on being a single mom or having been raised by a single mom so my heart feels more generous I guess.

Im not saying She's a mean or

Im not saying She's a mean or cruel lady. I didn't state that she went on vacation and went to school like it was a bad thing. I just thought that at the time her oldest son had a 4 year old disabled son and that she would have wanted to help out more with her kids. I guess it's a good thing I am income challenged because my kids probably would be spoiled, but since I can't I don't.

Maybe take a family vacation

Maybe take a family vacation together. Sort out what their needs were. See my mother had a windfallfrom my dads death and what she did which my dad worked very hard for HER to have that money not us, was ask my brother what he needed. Tires and breaks. She gave him $1000 and than another $300 later. She asked my cousin what he needed. He also needed Tires. $300. She asked DH what he needed, breaks $400. She asked me what I needed. Nothing really cause the breaks were fixed, but she took me clothes shopping and out to eat a few times. and spent the rest fixing her house. I guess my mommy is just nicer than his mommy.

Also my mom got the money and

Also my mom got the money and immediately thought of her kids and felt that this was her chance to do something for us. His mom acted like their sacrifices as children weren't as signifigant as hers. Also it was ne of the sons that actually did the foot work tracking the guy down.

Sorry, but I think you mommy

Sorry, but I think you mommy has greedy kids/SIL.

My bio dad never paid one dime to help support my sister and I. My mom and Stepdad did it all. If he had been forced to pay something before he died a few years ago, my sister and I would have never expected or accepted any of the money.

My parents worked their asses off to make sure we had every single thing we needed and most of what we wanted.

Any back support that would from our BD would have been theirs.

Greedy how? I could have

Greedy how? I could have asked for a huge debt to be paid off I didn't ask for anything. I lied about my age at 14 to get a job, I took care of my disabled mother who made a whopping $500 a month for the fist 6 year after my dad died. I think you live in some weird world where kids never go with out medical and everyone is very cold to each other and no one wants anyone else to be happy.

No DisneyFan lives in a world

No DisneyFan lives in a world where a couple blogs ago she was shocked that I was happy the "deadbeat" dad was paying $80 a month because at least he was paying. But suddenly in this blog as long as those kids had a blanket on the floor and oatmeal 3 times a day she had done her job. She lives in a world where my mom being generous =me being greedy. (I pay all my mother's co pays, I try and slip her money when I can etc..) But Im greedy cause I let my mom buy me denny's an a blouse once. I live in a world where people have souls. Every time Disney comments its so freaking black and white. In my world there are colors and sometimes colors bleed.

That poster said her ex pays

That poster said her ex pays $80 a month for TWO KIDS. You told the poster she'll get no sympathy from you since her ex was paying something.

The fact that he played system didn't matter to you.
The fact that the poster is the one really paying to support their kids didn't matter to you.

It's one thing to pay $40 a month when you're doing the best that you can and that is all you can afford.
But when you pay an amount that low because you played the system, you're lower than a deadbeat.

Now your friends slept on the floor and ate oatmeal three times a day. I'm sure their mean old mom also made them dress in burlap sacks and old flip flop. :sick:

Obviously exagerrating but in

Obviously exagerrating but in your world it's impossible that kids never see a doctor so why even pretend we can agree on reality. I am not a fan of the system so when a guy cheats the system but still pays yeah that's commendable to me. You have one set of rules that apply to single moms, and one set of rules that apply to NC dads it seems.

I hate cheaters and that

I hate cheaters and that isn't based on gender.

A woman who milks the system to get as much CS from a man as she can, is just as bad as a man who plays the system to get out of (or only pay an extremly low amount) of CS.

Oh, DF was a single dad. As a matter of fact,due to a mistake on his part, he's stuck paying back CS for the time SS22 lived with him full time.

****

Wait what doe DF mean? Disney

Wait what doe DF mean? Disney Fan?

Dear Fiance

I thought she was talking in

I thought she was talking in the third person and saying she was a single father which totally warped my impression, when all this time I've been picturing a red headed woman in Manhattan wearing souvieneir sweat shirts from Disneyland.

Oh well see that's why I'm not a fan of the system. Louis CK talked about how his brain works and it's similar to how I think. "Of course......BUT"

So OF COURSE it's her money, she is getting reimbursed.....BUT... as a mother I would be excited to help my children out when I know we all suffered together.

OF COURSE she did help them....BUT.... she was reluctant and she wouldn't have even had the money if it weren't for the younger son tracking the guy down.

OF COURSE there should be a system in place because of so many dead beats....BUT... so many men get screwed it's understandable that a lot of them cheat...not condoning but I understand.

Red hair would clash with my

Red hair would clash with my brown skin.
I'm a Brooklyn girl.
Disney World is my park of choice
I don't do theme park shirts.

LOLOLOL

ah OIC lol

If that were me, I'd split 4

If that were me, I'd split 4 ways.

^^^THIS!!!! Good for her!!!

It's unrealistic to assume

It's unrealistic to assume all adult children can and will 'help mom out' when she gets elderly. With many people living into their late 80's and even 90'd now, helping mom out could turn into a twenty year thing. Some 'families' fight currently and resent paying court ordered CS to their minor children. I don't think any parent should expect their elder years to be financed by their children. Sure, maybe in a perfect world where money is plentiful and hardships don't exist...but if the adult children are struggling to save for their own retirement and very possible of retirement age themselves with mom still alive it changes the should could would will.

I don't think the mother in your friend's case was unfair and I'm really glad she at long last went on vacation and followed her educational dreams. Much better usage of that money after all these years than some boat would have been.

I will tell you that if I

I will tell you that if I ever get CS I will keep it, I spent all their lives making sure they had their needs. I paid my half and his half and he is paying me back! I think she was nice to give them anything at all. I would give them some but I would not give them much. Enough for a car or something like that. I think those kids should be happy for their mom.

That money belongs to Mom.

That money belongs to Mom. Plain and simple. She was very, very nice to give some of it to her kids.

I am currently owed $135K in CS. (No, I won't ever see it.) IF I received that money in a lump sum, it's mine. I sacrificed and supported our kids. I paid for everything for them...braces, college, elite athletics at $10K a year, cars, and more.

Of course, I'd probably put a chunk into stocks or such for each of them. But they certainly aren't entitled to a hot, red cent of CS money.

I think the money would have

I think the money would have gone back to the state if she had been on public assistance. I have no idea when her current husband came into the picture. The kids were 13 and 12 at the time so no day care costs or anything plus they learned to earn their own money pretty quickly.

Yeah, I've done everything I

Yeah, I've done everything I could to give them a good life in spite of their loser father. Of course, I think I've gone too far the other way and now they're spoiled. :/

I would definitely put money away for the kids' futures. Stocks, bonds, an IRA...something. I wouldn't just give them a few grand, though, because they haven't learned the value of a dollar yet.

Eh... I figure if XH pays, yay for me. CS enforcement in several states is on him... I've actually seen $400 in the last 3 years. Oh...and there is no interest calculated.

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