Let’s see what you have to say about this.

EH and I have been divorced for over 7 years. We have 50/50 legal and physical custody of our 2 boys. We have a very cordial, understanding relationship. For this, I realize, I am very blessed. Since we have been divorced he has dated one woman for 5 years who moved in and out of his house no less than 4 times in 5 years. I watched my children go through a lot of turmoil during their relationship but I never said anything negative about it. The last time she moved out, I thought the relationship was over until they surprised everyone by getting married 2 months later. When I asked my children how they felt about the nuptials the week before the wedding my oldest (10) said he thought his dad was “crazy for doing this” and that they both thought there was an outside chance it wouldn’t happen (since she had moved out so many times, they didn’t have any faith in her follow through). The marriage lasted 11 months, the last half of which stepmom spent most of her time in “the depression room” which my boys told my mother that they named the extra bedroom she slept in when she didn’t want to sleep with their dad. Meanwhile, since she brought another 3 children to the marriage that left one of my children sleeping on the floor of their house. Nevertheless, I didn’t make any comments to my children or their father in any form how I felt about what was going on.

Next girlfriend. (Okay, so we live in a really small town and chances are everyone you meet knows or has met whoever you’re talking about.) So I’ve met next girlfriend in a completely unrelated situation. Our children were in pre-communion classes and the adults had to take classes together, we struck up a conversation. I thought she was nice BUT at the time, she was married with children. One of her children and my oldest (where he lived with his dad) lived behind one another. They played together when my son was at his dads. We organized a play date when they were about 8 years old. Her kid dropped the f-bomb in my house in front of my 6 year old and 12 year old step-daughter. Not cool. I didn’t confront her (maybe a mistake) although I did tell her 8 year old son, “I don’t know what is acceptable in your house but that language is not tolerated in this house.” I simply didn’t ask him back and tried to discourage the relationship, however, EH encouraged the relationship between the boys during his time. Apparently one nasty separation later, girlfriend finds herself in the arms of my EH. Just so happens that I work with girlfriend’s former best friend who was also called to testify in court during girlfriend’s divorce proceedings. Coworker testified that girlfriend has a drinking habit and drove her children around town intoxicated not to mention used said coworker as an excuse to cover up an affair girlfriend was having on her husband. Too much drama. I simply told EH, “Please be careful with this new girlfriend you have.” I feel that he is putting himself right back into another precarious situation.

I have many explanations for my feelings and maybe you will be able to identify some feelings that I am not able to being entrenched in the situation. First and foremost is the concern for the welfare of my children. My youngest can’t stand the woman. He told my mom, “Whenever she’s around my dad ignores us and she’s around ALL the time.” Although my own (2) relationships (later one resulting in marriage) since their parents’ breakup haven’t been exemplary, there has been a level of consistency. This year will be the 6th year anniversary of my second marriage. When I look to their father’s side, I get concerned with the unstableness of first wife (4 move outs, a nervous breakdown, quickie marriage and divorce) and now a potential winner that could possibly be an alcoholic that puts her own children and potentially my children at risk. I asked him why he couldn’t be content with just being with his boys instead of constantly dragging women through their lives but the only explanation I can come up with is that the man is in desperate search of a MOM. When I asked him what he sees in her (she’s terribly unattractive, has a gait reminiscent of a horse, a receding hairline and a constant cigarette dangling from her mouth) he replied that “She’s a good mom.” I asked, “What makes a good mom?” He said, “A woman that’s a good cook, keeps a clean house and is good with the kids but can also discipline them.” I simply replied, “Oh. Then that makes me a GREAT MOM!”

I told him today that I didn’t want to associate with her on any level. EH tells me “that’s not very nice.” You know what I say? I don’t have to be nice. I’m 39 years old. I don’t have to be f!@$#%!$#@ nice to anyone that I don’t want to especially someone who is infringing on the territory of MY children and is dangerous for them to be around. I’ll take a lot of crap EXCEPT when it comes to my family (sisters, parents, children I don’t care…don’t mess with my family). Dammit someone tell me where it says that I have to be nice to this person!