Can I ask MIL to stop bringing up DH's past marriage?
Hey I've been with my DH for 5 years and been married for 1. I have a DS from previous marriage. He has two daughters from previous marriage. He was with his ex for like 8 years total, 10 if you include breakup in between.
I know their entire timeline/history, because of MIL, SIL and BIL. Only MIL continues to bring up previous marriage occasionally. Things she's already told me a thousand times... How devastated he was when it ended and how worried she was about him, and certain memories that I've already heard. I know it all. We were going to the sports park for the Fourth of July and I invited her and FIL, and she was like no way, we went there 15 years ago with your DH, the ex and her whole family brought food and everything and traffic was hell after fireworks.
Just crap like that all the time. Why does she have to tell me about this kind of stuff you know? I don't NEED to know about their previous memories, especially right before I'm about to go there when it might enter my mind lol.
I'm not jealous, I don't mind hearing about her when she's being referred to in present day. But I don't appreciate people talking about their marriage and their divorce. My family has never done this to Kevin. Never mentioned my ex, ever! It's just rude.
What do you all think? Do you think I should say anything to her? I don't think DH should cuz she doesn't do it in front of him and i don't want him fighting my battles, so it's me or nothing. At what point/how many years in is acceptable? Should I wait until my relationship exceeds theirs? Lmao
Blank stare Change
Blank stare
Change subject
Leave room-didn't you leave a burner on in the kitchen?
I'd cut her off real quick.
I'd cut her off real quick. With smart ass sarcastic remarks to get your point across.
You could start innocently ~ like oh I know you told me that already or .... Don't really car about what BM n DH did in the past. We are making new memories not rehashing old shit. Thanks g mom
That seems reasonable enough,
That seems reasonable enough, without being too direct and aggressive!
This is exactlty right. Tune
This is exactlty right. Tune the flavor of the words to meet the situation but the message is bang on accurate.
Probably both
Probably both
Hopefully he's not one of
Hopefully he's not one of those squishy guys whose worst fear is being caught in the middle.
Actually the middle is exactly where those squishy types want to be.
They want to stay there and not have to pick a side
Hah! My DH called my MIL out
Hah! My DH called my MIL out on some bullshit the other day as a matter of fact and they were like "you do not have the right to talk to me like that! You are out of line!" FIL was pissed. They didn't care about the issue only the fact that they were "disrespected" lmao oh boy.
Old fashioned as hell.
Absolutely he should do it
Absolutely he should do it but if you admired him for being such a nice easy going never make waves guy then you got what you wanted and you'll have to do the dirty work.
Be prepared for lash-back and consider Alzheimer's.
By the way it sounds like the ball park reminiscence was exactly that a ball park reminiscence not a ex wife reminiscence.
To *me*? It sounds like MIL
To *me*? It sounds like MIL was avoiding being told "oh no, traffic won't be that bad - you don't know" by making it clear that she actually knows from previous experience. Not to throw the ex up in your face.
No it's just that I get
No it's just that I get accused for influencing his fights he starts with his ex so I'd like to resolve this on my own. I'm an adult and I'm capable lol
Just say hey MIL!!! My
Just say hey MIL!!! My husbands ex is history and so will you be if you don't back off with your nasty mouth you narcissistic old hag!!!
Then smile and offer her a home made cookie lol
Chocolate ex lax biscotti
Chocolate ex lax biscotti
That's great advice! Thank
That's great advice! Thank you!!
I have found comments like
I have found comments like "yeah he told me about that" seem to shut them down. My exs mom was like that. But when she thought I already knew the story from HIM then it defused her and she didn't care to tell me anymore.
Lmao!!!!!!!!! If only she
Lmao!!!!!!!!! If only she hadn't married her highschool sweetheart
hahahahaha
Gosh, I just can't believe
Gosh, I just can't believe they would be so inconsiderate of your feelings like that. Seriously where are their manners?!? You just don't do that unless you seriously don't like the wife!
But they do it anyway! People are clueless!
Your H should have a little
Your H should have a little sit-down "Come to Jesus" meeting with his mother. You shouldn't have to deal with this at all. But if it continues and he's too much of a twat to stand up to her.....
Look her in the eye and say "Why are you even saying this to me? Why do you think I care about events that happened around a relationship that ended in DIVORCE?"
And walk away.
Do it every time until it stops.
This sounds like something i
This sounds like something i can do! I need to start trying like this, and then if this doesn't work then maybe in the future take a more direct approach perhaps.
This is exactly what I did In
This is exactly what I did In this situation. Haven't heard a peep since.
That's a tough one, but yeah
That's a tough one, but yeah eventually you probably need to say something. It doesn't have to be mean or a smart assed remark. Just a sincere request asking if they could please stop bringing up the ex. They probably don't even realize they keep doing it. A smart assed remark in that case probably wouldn't go over well.
Well... She and I are pretty
Well... She and I are pretty close. Like friends. I go over there a lot, without DH or the kids and hang out with her alone and we just visit and talk and we get along really well. I just don't want to harm our relationship and sometimes, the words don't really come out of my mouth right. Lol. Unless I really know what I'm doing. She and FIL watch our kids, we go over for dinner a lot, I just don't want it to be weird after so I wonder if It's worth it, and after every time it has happened so far, I have hoped it would be the last time, but it never has lol.
So it's time!
"MIL (sigh), why would I,of
"MIL (sigh), why would I,of all people, want to hear about DH's life before me? Especially about his ex?"
Probably
They probably bring it up because
Ideally you should just ignore their comments about the ex but since it's bothering you tell your husband to tell them to chill on the "ex" stories. If they keep going, then pull them aside privately and respectfully explain how you'd prefer to leave the "ex" conversations in the past
Yes you can say something to MIL. And you should.
Every time she does it. Just be direct.
"Your son's choice of former mates is unfortunate but I am not interested in hearing about her or allowing your experiences with the mistake from your son's past to be a detriment to my life. Please do not mention her again in my presence. My husband and I are making a great life together. We both want to focus on that and would appreciate it if you focused on that as well."
Lather... rinse.... repeat.
I cannot think of a single time in our entire 29yr marriage where my parents mentioned my XW or anything from that marriage other than how happy they are that DW and I found each other. They have regularly engaged with her on how happy they are that DW and I have each other and they have their daughter. DW... is their daughter.
Say something.
My MIL is similar. She also
My MIL is similar. She also used to regularly say to me,"I just hope they can work out their differences" as if I would somehow want to discuss that and as if their differences are that BM has "borderline tendencies" and therefore can only see DH as the source of all her problems, so unless she somehow works through all that they will never be "friends". When I first met DH, his entire extended family would sit around talking about BM. They had been divorced for over 3 years at that point. DH and I have now been married for nearly 7 years and they still treat me like I'm "the new girl." Some people cannot move on from other people's divorces. It stinks and I will never have a pleasant relationship with MIL because she insists on still acting as the go-between for BM to triangulate about something.
In my case, I could ask MIL to stop, but she would simply play dumb and tell me I was imagining things (as she has done with other issues related to family dysfunction).
While we can't tell others how to feel about about anything.
We can tell them not to mention their thoughts about an X around us and if they insist on it, tthey need clarity that if they continue, they will not be around us. Or our mate. Regardless of who they may be to us or our mate.
Keep it simple.